


Second Chance

by RukiaHitachiin



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Drug mention/use, M/M, Slow Burn, Suicide mention, friendship first
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:14:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 48,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23566660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RukiaHitachiin/pseuds/RukiaHitachiin
Summary: This story takes place after Words Fail. Everything up until that point in the story is canon. Evan is so distraught over everything that has happened, all the people he has hurt. He wishes that he really had known Connor. Maybe if he had really known Connor, his family wouldn’t be hurting as much as they were now. Maybe Connor might still be alive. Maybe Evan would have an actual friend, one as close as the false relationship with Connor he had fabricated over the last few months. Maybe, just maybe, Evan could be given a second chance to make things right.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Comments: 38
Kudos: 114





	1. Friends

Evan didn’t remember falling asleep. But when he opened his eyes he had to blink a few times to adjust to the bright light in front of him from his computer. He squinted at the screen. 

_“Dear Evan Hansen. It turns out this wasn’t an amazing day after all. This isn’t going to be an amazing week or an amazing year. Because, why would it be?_

_“Oh I know. Because there’s Zoe. All my hope is pinned on Zoe. Who I don’t even know and who doesn’t know me. But maybe if I did. Maybe if I could just talk to her, then maybe... maybe nothing would be different at all._

_“I wish that everything was different. I wish that I was part of... something. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. I mean, face it. Would anyone even notice if I disappeared tomorrow?_

_Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend,  
Me.”_

This was his letter. Evan’s letter that was mistaken for Connor’s suicide note. Maybe in his reminiscing he had opened it back up. Things had changed a lot since he wrote that letter. At least back then he hadn’t hurt anyone else. At least back then, Connor wasn’t dead and Zoe, Jared, Alana, the Murphy’s, and even his mom didn’t hate him. At least then, nothing he said or did mattered to anyone. 

“So, uh, what happened to your arm?” asked a voice. 

Evan jolted where he sat. That sounded like... no it couldn’t be. Evan instinctively looked down at his left arm and saw his cast was still there. And it was blank. Wide eyed and shaking, Evan looked up to the source of the voice. It... it was Connor. And not just the Connor Evan had imagined talking to him all of these months. This... this was actually him. 

“O-oh, I, um, fell out of a tree,” Evan stuttered in response. His eyes remained wide with shock. He must be dreaming, right? There was no way Connor was here. A thought came to Evan’s mind and he tore his gaze away to glance around the room. They were in the computer lab. He stared at his computer screen. Today’s date. It was... the day Connor died. He quickly looked back at Connor as he laughed. 

“You fell out of a tree?” Connor asked. 

Evan nodded. Connor sat down next to him, still laughing. Evan continued to stare at him, as if he was truly seeing him for the first time. And, maybe, he really was. He noticed how his long, dark hair went just past his shoulders. It looked soft. A lot like Zoe’s hair, who Evan had understandably studied a lot. Connor’s smile also reminded him a lot of Zoe’s. Connor’s black hoodie looked well-worn. One of the strings looked frayed like it was chewed on. His sleeves were rolled up so Evan could easily see Connor's black chipped nail polish. And Evan also noticed, Connor wasn’t holding a letter. Evan hadn’t printed his letter yet. It was still on his screen, but he never pressed print. 

“Well, if that isn’t the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard,” Connor continued, still laughing. 

Evan laughed. It was from nerves, he was sure. Or the irony. It was short and shaky. “Yeah, I-I know,” he responded. 

Connor stopped laughing and pointed at Evan’s blank cast. “No one’s signed your cast?”

Evan looked back down at his cast as if it had changed in the last few minutes. No one had signed it. Because Connor hadn’t signed it yet. He was the only one who actually ended up signing it at all. “Uh, n-nope. G-guess not,” Evan stuttered in response. 

“You got a Sharpie?” Connor asked.

Evan glanced around himself and saw a Sharpie sitting on the table by his keyboard. “H-here,” he responded, holding it out to Connor. His hand was shaking. 

Connor grabbed Evan’s arm to get a good position to sign it, causing Evan to wince. He had forgotten how much his arm hurt when the cast was still new. The only sound for the next few seconds was the squeaking from the Sharpie as Connor carved his name onto the cast in huge letters. 

When Connor was done, Evan looked down at his handiwork. He remembered before when this happened being very upset and uncomfortable and couldn’t wait to leave. Now, part of him didn’t want this moment to end. He looked back up at Connor. “Th-thank you... f-for signing my cast,” Evan stated. 

Connor just shrugged in response. “Now we can both pretend that we have friends.”

Evan felt his stomach drop. Connor hadn’t had any friends either had he? This whole experience had taught Evan that, even though they were wildly different in personality, he and Connor had a lot in common. If only he had realized it sooner. Talked to Connor sooner. Evan could barely talk to anyone, but... he had to make this second chance count. “U-um, yeah...” Evan responded. 

Connor leaned closer to Evan to look at his computer screen. “Whatcha writing? ‘Dear Evan Hansen,’” he read from the screen. “Isn’t that you?” 

Evan instinctively turned the screen away, not wanting Connor to read further and have a repeat of what happened before. “O-oh this? It’s just... it’s s-s-stupid. It’s...” Evan saw Connor's expression darken. Evan turning away his computer probably upset him. Evan swallowed and turned the screen back. “I-it’s for therapy...” he continued. 

Connor raised an eyebrow. “Therapy?” he repeated. 

Evan felt a hint of hope. This was already different than before. His eyes brightened as he nodded. “Y-yeah. Dr. Sherman wants me to w-write a letter to myself and... t-tell myself it’s going t-to be a good day.” 

Connor squinted inquisitively then started laughing again. “Okay, I take it back. _That_ is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve heard.” 

Evan chuckled light-heartedly. “I-I definitely thought so too...” 

Connor leaned back and looked up, as if deep in thought. “Yeah, therapy is such a fucking joke. My parents tried to force me into it, too. It didn’t work so they finally left it alone.” 

Evan stared at Connor curiously, already learning more than he ever had. “Th-they did? M-my m-mom still makes me go. I-I don’t know if it’s w-working either, though.”

Connor looked back at Evan and grinned, causing Evan’s heart to flutter. It reminded him so much of Zoe, but it was... different. Still Connor. “Fuck ‘em,” he said. “Don’t write the stupid fucking letter. Don’t even go.”

“O-okay!” was all Evan could think to say in response. 

Connor chuckled and raised an eyebrow again. “That’s all it took to make you stop going? Just some guy you don’t even know telling you to fuck the system and quit?” 

Evan felt his cheeks redden from embarrassment. It did seem a little pathetic how wishy-washy Evan could be. But, Evan always was a pushover if it meant he could get by. But Evan did know Connor. At least, he knew him more than he did months ago when he first spoke with him in the computer lab. Evan wanted to let Connor know. He wanted Connor to know that he did know him. That he wanted to know more. That they could be friends. “I-I feel like I d-do know you...” Evan responded. Connor furrowed his brows in anger. “A-a little!” Evan clarified hastily. Evan sighed and mustered as much courage as he could. He had been given this second chance. He needed to make it count. 

“I... I’ve never met anyone else who went to therapy. And who... d-didn’t have friends...” his voice got quiet. He glanced at Connor, hoping to gauge if he’d overstepped his bounds. Connor seemed irritated but interested. “M-maybe we have... something in c-common...? M-maybe I can... t-t-trust your judgement?” Evan suggested, smiling at the end to keep it light-hearted. 

Connor was silent for a few seconds before he started chuckling. He leaned his head back again and stared at the ceiling. “Man, are we really the only two fucking people in this whole fucking school who don’t have friends? How pathetic.” 

Evan felt relief and more hope wash over him in response. He had to keep trying. Do it for Connor. Do it for everyone. “H-hey, I-I have a f-friend...” Evan retorted, smiling nervously. 

Connor looked back at Evan, both incredulously and a little wounded. “Oh yeah? Fucking who? That asshole Jared?” 

“I w-was gonna say... you...” Evan replied, looking at Connor both hopeful and terrified he’d gone too far too fast. He could feel his body quivering from nerves. It was not like him to be so bold. 

Connor’s eyes got wide. It certainly took him by surprise. Evan saw a range of emotion cross his face. He was judgmental, curious, angry, and finally, a soft smile crossed his lips. “That’s gotta be the most pathetic way anyone’s ever asked to be my friend.”

Evan laughed, feeling an immense amount of relief. Still feeling a little more of “bold Evan” leftover, he continued. “S-so, do you get a-asked to be friends with people a lot?” 

Connor gaped at Evan for a moment, mildly offended before he burst out laughing. He shoved Evan playfully. “Asshole,” he said, still laughing. 

Evan laughed too. This was already going so much better than he could’ve imagined. 

Connor finally quieted and rested his head on his hand, turned toward Evan. “I misjudged you, Hansen. Didn’t think you had it in you to make a joke about anyone.”

“W-well, c-clearly we’re both learning n-new things,” Evan responded, smiling. 

Seeming to remember something, Connor sat up and held out his hand. “My name’s Connor, by the way.”

Evan was practically beaming. He placed his hand in Connor's and shook it. Once they let go, he said “I k-know. It’s k-kind of hard to miss.” He pointed at Connor's name on his cast. 

Connor laughed again. “Evan’s got jokes!” He slung his arm around Evan, pulling him into a headlock, and rubbed his fist across the top of his head. 

Evan laughed and playfully tried to get Connor off of him. Eventually Connor let go. 

Evan smiled at him. He couldn’t help himself. Connor was here. Connor was alive. And, unless Evan was terribly mistaken, he was happy. Evan hoped he had made a difference. 

A phone vibrating on the table caused both of them to jump. Evan looked at his phone with his mom’s picture lit up. 

“S-Sorry,” Evan apologized as he answered it. His mom was informing him that she had to stay late at work and had to go straight to class after, rather than stopping home. She wanted to make sure he wrote his letter and got something to eat. 

“Y-yeah. I-I’m writing it now,” Evan responded, looking up at Connor who raised an eyebrow at him curiously. 

“Okay. I hope you had a great day,” Heidi responded on the other line. 

“I-I did, yeah,” Evan responded honestly. 

“Great,” Heidi responded, sounding distracted. “That’s really great. I hope it’s the beginning of a great... shit. I have to run. Bye. I love you.” She hung up. 

Evan set down his phone, as old memories flooded back. Things were back to normal with his mom. He sighed. “Sorry...” he said again, looking up at Connor. 

“Overbearing parents? Been there,” Connor responded casually. 

“Y-yeah?” Evan responded. He thought back to his many meetings with Connor's parents. To Evan initially they were the perfect parents. They were all Evan wanted:  
they were there and they cared. But, as Evan had learned over time, things weren’t always how they appeared. 

“Was she really calling to make sure you wrote that stupid therapy letter?” Connor asked judgmentally. 

“Y-yeah...” Evan responded, looking back at the screen. It still had his original letter on it, the one he had hoped Connor wouldn’t see. Evan contemplated something before he spoke. “T-today... wasn’t a great day, you know,” Evan began. He hoped this would do what he intended and not make things worse. “F-first d-day of school and all... I w-wanted things to be different. B-but everything was... the s-same it’s always been.” Evan glanced up at Connor who, to Evan’s surprise, seemed to be genuinely listening. Well, that was new. “A-at least, it was... until I talked to you.”

Connor looked taken aback. The shock on his face indicated to Evan that Connor had never been told something like that in his life. He was never told he made a difference. That he had a positive influence. Evan could recognize that look because it was exactly how he had felt up until this point in his life, as well. 

With new found courage and resolution, Evan continued. “Today... ended up being a good day after all. So, th-thank you, Connor Murphy.” 

Connor was frozen for a beat too long. He finally glanced down then back up at Evan. His hard outer shell he wore was beginning to crack but was still there. “What are you thanking me for? All I did was sign your cast since no one else would,” Connor responded dismissively. 

Evan smiled warmly. “Y-yeah,” he looked down at his cast again. He ran his fingers lightly over Connor’s name. “But, thank you also for b-being my friend.” 

“Maybe we don’t have to pretend that we have friends...” Connor replied in a much softer tone than Evan had ever heard from him before. 

Evan felt the beginnings of tears forming in his eyes. Maybe they didn’t have to pretend. He looked up at Connor and continued to smile. 

A bell rang indicating the end of lunch break. The two of them jumped again at the interruption. Connor immediately got up to leave. 

Evan’s smile faded. Was this enough? Would he see Connor again or...? He stood up quickly. “C-Connor!” Evan called out, his tone almost desperate with fear. 

Connor paused his walk to the door and turned back to Evan questionably. 

“I-I’ll see you later, Connor. R-right?” he smiled forcibly, his nerves bubbling up inside of him. He felt his heart racing so quickly that he thought he might have a panic attack. 

Connor smirked in response, evidently interpreting his desperation to mean he was worried they weren’t actually friends, and not that Evan was worried he was about to kill himself. “Yeah, Hansen. We’re friends, aren’t we?” 

Evan sighed and smiled genuinely. He placed his good hand over his chest to will his heart beat to slow down. “Y-yes. We’re friends,” he confirmed. 

Connor chuckled. “I’ll see you later.” He walked out of the computer lab. 

Evan fell back into the chair in front of his screen. Connor... Connor was alive. Evan had been given a chance to make things right. To finally make a difference. And, if Evan was being hopeful, he thought he had. He looked back at the screen and closed the window. The computer prompted him “would you like to save changes to your document?” Evan laughed despite himself. He grinned as he pressed the “No” button and the screen went blank. 

He would write a better letter when he got home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For reference, the first time I saw this show, Connor was my favorite character. I told one of my friends and she was confused. Connor, while alive, is barely in the show at all. But, even in the brief moments he’s there and hearing what other characters have to say about him, I got such a good grasp of who he is as a person. He and Evan are both lonely. Connor is the type who assumes the world is out to get him so he isolates himself. I believe if given the chance, Connor and Evan could have really helped each other. I’m hoping to properly illustrate that using this story. Enjoy!


	2. Instagram

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan chats with Jared and confirms something he’s been needing to know

“What’s up, loser?” Jared said. Evan heard his voice from his laptop speakers via their Skype call. Evan was sitting on his bed, having gotten home from school a couple of hours ago. He had some leftover food from Trader Joe's, per his mom’s request. He had finished eating it by now. He texted Jared to tell him he spoke with Connor in the computer lab today because Connor saw him writing his letter. The last time he and Jared had this conversation, Evan had been nervous as to what Connor was planning to do with the letter, like show it to Zoe and ruin what little positive reputation Evan had. Part of him hoped Jared somehow remembered everything, too. 

Evan frowned. Jared was back to normal as well. But Evan wanted to repair all of his relationships, not just Connor. “I texted you about this,” Evan responded. Evan could see from his computer screen that Jared was lazily eating a slice of pizza. 

“Right. The letter to yourself. What does that even mean? Is it a sex thing?” Jared responded, suggestively. 

Evan stuttered. He couldn’t believe he would have to explain this again. “No, it’s not a s-sex thing! It’s... it’s an assignment.” 

Jared looked bored and took another bite of his pizza. “And why are you telling me about this?”

“Because... you’re my only... family friend,” Evan responded. 

Jared tossed his head back, laughing. “Oh my God.”

“J-Jared, listen! I wanted to tell you about, C-Connor. And wh-what h-happened...” Evan began. It was one thing for Evan to be Connor's friend. Maybe he could help Jared, and even Alana be friends with him too? Maybe even Zoe...? Evan’s cheeks flushed and he willed the thought away. 

Jared raised an eyebrow. “What, did you guys make out?” he said deadpan before laughing. 

“Jared, no!” Evan shouted. He covered his face with his hands. Why was Jared so impossible? “W-we’re f-friends now!” he added, uncovering his face and looking at Jared through his camera with a determined expression. 

Jared looked surprised for a moment before his expression turned disbelieving. “You and Connor are _friends_? Beating you up does not constitute being friends, Evan.” He laughed heartily. 

“He didn’t beat me up!” Evan protested. He paused as he remembered what would have happened earlier that day when Connor shoved him to the ground when he thought Evan was laughing at him. It was all a huge misunderstanding. “Well, h-he did shove me earlier...” 

“Look, Connor Murphy is batshit out of his mind. Do you remember when he threw a printer at Mrs. G in second grade because he didn’t get to be line leader that day?” Jared pressed, staring at Evan like he was stupid. 

Evan did remember. Both from second grade and from hearing this story from Jared months prior. It was strange to Evan how so much could be different yet so much the same. “Connor is just... misunderstood...” Evan began. Jared didn’t seem convinced. Evan would need to try harder. He glanced down and remembered his cast. His eyes lit up and he showed it to his laptop webcam. “L-look, he signed my cast!”

Jared leaned in closer to his camera, studying the cast. He leaned back and temporarily seemed at a loss for words. “Huh.”

“A-and w-we talked for awhile. A-about... life and stuff,” Evan continued, looking down at his cast which was now resting on his leg. It was so strange to have to explain his friendship with Connor now that it actually existed. When he looked back at the screen, Jared was squinting at him, studying him. Evan jumped, feeling uncomfortable. “Wh-what is it?” he asked. 

“Is this about Zoe?” Jared asked. 

“Wh-what? No!” Evan responded. Jared knew about Evan’s crush on Zoe. It would make sense he thought Evan was somehow becoming friends with Connor in hopes of having a chance with Zoe. Evan, on the other hand, had no intention of pursuing Zoe after how things had ended up. He needed to make things right and that could not involve him using the current situation to his advantage. 

“Just trying to figure out your deal... you go from being a mess in front of Zoe to warming up to her brother just a few hours later?” He scoffed and grinned. “Evan, you’re awful.” 

“Th-this isn’t about Zoe! I-I j-just...” Evan paused to contain himself. He was incredibly flustered. “C-Connor and I are friends. Th-this has nothing to d-do with Zoe... I j-just... wanted to tell someone.” Evan looked down. Could he and Jared ever be “real” friends? Even before... it was always about the Connor Project. Sure, they talked and hung out more and Evan _wanted_ to believe Jared was actually starting to like Evan, and not just because his parents forced him to. 

“Well, you told me. Did it make you feel better?” Jared asked, his voice incredibly condescending. 

“Not really...” Evan mumbled, likely too quietly for Jared to hear. 

“Also, I do not care. Bye, loser!” Jared grinned and ended the call. 

Evan sighed and slowly closed his laptop. He leaned his head back against the headboard and closed his eyes. Today was... it seemed so monumental. Yet at the same time, nothing was different. Nothing had changed. Not with anyone except Connor... Evan opened his eyes. He quickly opened his laptop back up and opened a blank document to write on. 

_“Dear Evan Hansen,_

_Today is going to be a good day and here’s why._

_Today, you have a friend. Someone who listens and cares. And that friend has you. And maybe, that’s enough._

_Sincerely,  
Me.”_

Evan saved the document and printed it. He chuckled as he grabbed it off the printer. Hadn’t he inadvertently promised Connor he would stop writing these letters and stop going to therapy? Still, he felt compelled to continue doing so, even if just for his mom. He tucked the letter in his backpack to prepare for his appointment after school the next day. 

He got back on his bed and laid down, staring at the ceiling, studying the patterns from the uneven surface. His mind wandered back to the emails he and Jared wrote together between him and Connor after Connor passed away. 

_“Dear Connor Murphy,_

_Yes I also miss our talks. Stop doing drugs, just try to take deep breaths and go on walks. I’m sending pictures of the most amazing trees. You’ll be obsessed with all my forest expertise. Dude, I’m proud of you. Just keep pushing through. You'll turn it around, I can see._

_Sincerely,  
Me.”_

Evan opened his phone and scrolled through his favorite tree pictures he saved from the summer when he worked as an apprentice at Ellison State Park. He smiled as he imagined eventually sending them to Connor. Would he like them? Would he ask Evan questions about them, giving Evan the opportunity to show off just how much of an expert he really was? 

Maybe he could ask for Connor's number tomorrow. That was something friends did, right? 

Evan made a new folder in his phone labeled “Connor” and started copying some of his favorite pictures over. 

Out of curiosity, Evan toggled to Facebook and searched for Connor Murphy. No results. Connor did seem like the type to be “above” social media. He tried Instagram, which seemed even less likely, but it was worth a shot. Zoe popped up in the search results due to their shared last name, and due to the fact that Evan had absolutely looked her up before. Evan found himself clicking on her name and scrolling through her pictures. Much further down he found one with Zoe, Connor and their parents. It was... odd. They were all smiling, but it looked forced. Evan checked the date and it was from two Christmases ago. Evan tapped on the picture to pull up the tags. His heart stopped when he saw a tag hovering over Connor’s face. So he did have Instagram. 

Evan felt his body shivering from anticipation as he clicked on the tag. The name was “C.M.” No wonder Evan couldn’t find him in the results. The profile picture was of a guitar. If he hadn’t seen Zoe use the tag on her page he never would’ve known who it belonged to. He clicked again to go to the profile. It showed it was private. Evan contemplated for much too long before he clicked on the “request to follow” button. 

Evan’s profile on the other hand was public. His full name was listed and his profile picture was of himself smiling in front of a tree at the park. Most of his pictures were of trees but the occasional photo featured him. If Connor saw the request he would know it was him right? That is, if Connor regularly checked Instagram. Evan had no way to tell. 

Evan stared at his screen for a full minute, somehow expecting Connor to immediately respond. He didn’t. Evan sighed shakily. Why was he getting so nervous? Maybe part of him needed concrete proof that Connor was still alive. Sure, Evan would probably see him at school tomorrow but... today was Connor’s death day. It wasn’t abnormal for him to want to talk to him and make sure he was ok, right?

Evan distracted himself by going back to his photos saved on his phone and added more to the “Connor” folder. He yawned and noticed the time. It was almost 10PM. Evan had definitely stayed up later but part of him liked being asleep before his mom got home, to avoid potential conversations. Knowing how distracted his mom was, Evan could live to avoid that conversation for the night. He sat up and moved his laptop to the ground. He got up and changed and brushed his teeth. He got back into bed and opened his phone to check his alarm was set for the next morning. He nearly dropped it when he saw the notification. 

“C.M. has accepted your follow request”

Connor... he was still alive. Evan sighed audibly and unlocked his phone, quickly going to his Instagram profile. Even being now viewable to Evan, the profile had little to offer. Only four photos were posted, and one was the same guitar from his profile picture. None of the photos were of him but one did have his hand in it. At least, Evan could only assume it was his hand. It was holding onto the neck of the same guitar, as if holding it into position to take the picture. The last photo posted was over a year ago. 

Evan felt a little disappointed, though he couldn’t quite understand why. He just wanted confirmation Connor was alive, right? He didn’t need to learn anything from his profile. He could learn that in person the more he talked with him! 

His phone vibrated and he glanced up at the top of the screen where a notification popped up. 

CM1999 sent you a message: hey

Evan held his breath, stopping himself from immediately clicking on the message. Instagram told people when their messages were viewed right? Evan didn’t want to look like he was waiting for Connor to message him. That came off as desperate. Or was that only in regards to dating that that mattered? 

EvanHansen1: Hi, Connor!! 

Evan paused before hitting send. That seemed too eager. And Evan wasn’t even sure this was Connor. Well, of course Evan was sure. But Connor didn’t know that. But why else would he accept his follow request? It’s not like Evan randomly followed people. 

EvanHansen1: hey. What’s up?

Much more casual and cool, Evan decided, hitting send. He continued to stare at the open message, expecting an immediate response. He groaned and closed his eyes. He needed to stop getting so obsessive. Connor was absolutely not the type to immediately respond to messages on social media. 

CM1999: nm. Wbu?

Evan opened his eyes as his phone vibrated. Well, this was actually happening. 

EvanHansen1: Not much! Um... this is Connor right?

Evan clicked send. It wasn’t weird to be sure, was it? He left the message open and his breath hitched as he saw the “...” pop up indicating Connor was typing a response. 

CM1999: isn’t that y u followed me?

EvanHansen1: Haha just checking! Your profile doesn’t have any pictures of you!

CM1999: ya. U still found me tho. 

Evan swallowed. Was Connor going to ask how he found him? Could he come up with anything besides “I was stalking your sister’s profile since I couldn’t find you by searching for your name.” 

EvanHansen1: I did! Lucky me! :-)

Evan regretted the message right after sending it. He was so lame. It was no wonder he didn’t have any friends. Well, he had Connor. And kind of Jared. But that could change. 

CM1999: did u write a therapy letter?

Evan paused. He felt himself smile despite himself. Connor remembered! It was... weird to have someone actively listen to what he had to say. 

EvanHansen1: ...I did. Despite your advice. Sorry! 

CM1999: haha figures

Evan chuckled softly. He was so entranced with his conversation he jumped when he heard the door close downstairs. His mom was home. He glanced at the clock. It was now 10:30PM. He doubted his mom would come check on him since his door was closed and light was off. He looked back at his phone and was surprised to see more messages. 

CM1999: good 4 u tho. hope it helps 

CM1999: hey Evan ?

EvanHansen1: yes, Connor?

Evan held his breath, not willing to look away from his phone while he awaited Connor's response. He kept seeing the “...” pop up and then disappear. Connor was... struggling with what to say? Or maybe he kept getting interrupted or something. Evan wasn’t sure but the anticipation was killing him. 

CM1999: I’ll c u tomorrow 

Evan exhaled and hugged his pillow. Was that really all he had to say? He thought he saw the “...” pop up again but it went away just as quickly as it popped up. 

EvanHansen1: ok! See you! Good night, Connor :-)

CM1999: ya

...

CM1999: good night, Evan. :P 

Evan smiled so wide his cheeks were beginning to hurt. He checked his alarm once more. It was still set. He locked his phone. Before setting it on his nightstand he quickly unlocked it and re-read the Instagram messages. Connor was alive. Connor was alive and they were friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this to indulge myself. I love the idea of Evan and Connor but know in the universe of the actual story it could never happen. I hope that other fans will enjoy it too. I’ll update as regularly as I can!


	3. School

When Evan’s alarm went off, he felt like he was already awake. Not like he was tired. Just like he couldn’t wait to wake up. Like he was ready for his alarm to go off hours ago. 

He lifted his phone to turn it off and noticed the date. The day after what would have Connor's death date. It wasn’t a dream that he seemingly went back in time. 

Connor. Evan thought back to his conversation with Connor last night. He smiled and quickly went to Instagram to read it again. He told himself it was to remember it was real, but he couldn’t deny how happy it made him to read. 

Once he made it to the end of the conversation, he saw a message that wasn’t there the night before. According to the time it was a sent a minute prior. Evan must not have noticed the notification. 

CM1999: should i go 2 school today?

Evan blinked at his phone and questioned the feeling of butterflies in his stomach. Why was Connor asking him this? Did Evan’s opinion matter that much to Connor? And why was Connor even considering not going?

EvanHansen1: good morning! I guess we woke up at the same time. Why wouldn’t you go to school? 

CM1999: thinking about skipping

Evan frowned at his phone. If Connor skipped then Evan wouldn’t be able to see him. But, possibly more importantly, Evan still couldn’t understand why Connor didn’t want to go. Thinking back, Evan supposed there were a lot of days that Connor missed. Evan couldn’t be sure how many since he didn’t used to pay too much attention. But maybe this was a regular decision Connor made, one that he normally made on his own, Evan would guess. 

EvanHansen1: You told me you’d see me today. How can I see you if you’re not there?

Evan bit his lip as he pressed send. That was... definitely more forward compared to what Evan would ever be able to say in person. He quickly started typing again. 

EvanHansen1: lol. But whatever you want to do!

Evan swallowed. He hoped that made things a little more normal. He didn’t want Connor to stop talking to him because he was too intense. 

The “...” symbol was up for awhile. Evan couldn’t begin to imagine what Connor was going to say that took that long. He glanced at the time while he waited. He really needed to start getting ready so he wouldn’t be late. His phone vibrated and his eyes were immediately back on the conversation. 

CM1999: dont have to c u at school

Evan felt a pain in his chest. Connor... didn’t want to see him at school? Was that what he meant? Evan had taken things too far hadn’t he? His fingers hovered over the keyboard, trying to think of something casual to say to convey he wasn’t hurt. 

EvanHansen1: that’s ok! You don’t have to see me at school if you don’t want to! Don’t worry about it! Lol :-)

The response was nearly immediate. 

CM1999: not what i meant

Not what he meant...? What else could he have meant? Evan waited with baited breath as the “...” hovered at the bottom of the message. Evan really needed to get ready. He finally stood up and walked to his closet to retrieve his change of clothes. He awkwardly held his phone with his bad hand while pulling a shirt off a hanger. When his phone vibrated he tossed the shirt over his shoulder and moved the phone to his good hand. 

CM1999: I’ll c u at school 

CM1999: u convinced me

Evan laughed out loud, grinning. He was so glad no one was around him to hear that. It was embarrassing. 

EvanHansen1: glad to hear it! See you soon, Connor :-) 

Evan waited for about 30 seconds to see if Connor would respond again. He glanced up at the time again. He groaned and tossed his phone on the bed. He quickly changed. He grabbed his phone and shoved it in his pocket then ran downstairs to grab breakfast before heading out. He saw a note on the counter from his mom. 

_Got an early shift! Maybe we can have dinner after I take you to therapy tonight!_

_Love, Mom_

He wondered for a moment how much sleep his mom was getting these days. He made himself some toast and headed out the door. 

He glanced at his phone, wanting to check if he still had enough time to walk. He would avoid the bus at all costs if he could. Evan barely registered the time before seeing new notifications. Three new messages? He opened up Instagram in disbelief. They were all from Connor. 

CM1999: what time do u get to school?

CM1999: left early to avoid walking with my sister 

CM1999: text me when ur here

Evan stared his phone. He blinked a few times to see if the messages would disappear. He had to be imagining this right? Connor - Connor Murphy - was waiting for him. He wanted to see Evan. Had... anyone ever wanted to see Evan at school before? Not even Jared texted him to ask where he was. He usually seemed annoyed whenever Evan found him, though. 

EvanHansen1: Sorry I just saw these! I’m on my way!

EvanHansen1: see you soon! 

Evan took another bite of his toast. He walked a little faster than usual. Sure he would be out of breath and maybe a little sweaty by the time he arrived but he didn’t want to keep his friend waiting! _His friend_. Evan smiled wider. He didn’t think he’d stop smiling for awhile. 

—

As Evan was nearing the front of the school, he started to wonder where he would see Connor. They hadn’t discussed a meeting place, not that they needed to. Evan knew he had second period with Connor so they would see each other no matter what, wouldn’t they? He glanced at his phone to see if Connor messaged him again. He hadn’t. Evan’s smile faltered and he put his phone back in his pocket. Oh well. He didn’t need to see Connor before second period, after all. 

“So, this is the way you walk to school?” 

Evan literally jumped at the sound of the voice. He turned toward the source and was a mixture of shocked and relieved to see Connor. 

Connor laughed. “Whoa, dude calm down.” He held up his hands defensively. 

Evan placed his hand on his chest, willing his heart rate to slow down. “I-I didn’t s-see you!” he replied, breathing heavily both from walking quickly and from fright. As he felt his heart rate slowing, he glanced up at Connor and felt it speed back up again. 

Connor pointed to a concrete border at the edge of the school. “I was sitting over there and I saw you walking. Figured I would come to you.” He shrugged and placed his hands in his pockets casually. 

Evan laughed and smiled at him, probably too wide, Evan thought. “I-I’m glad you d-decided to come!” 

Connor smiled for a moment before rolling his eyes and frowning. “Family was being the fucking worst today. I needed to escape.” 

“O-oh,” Evan replied, his smile faltering. He reveled in the fact that Connor was telling him this at all. “Wh-what happened?” 

Connor’s mouth formed a tight line. “Yeah, don’t wanna talk about that.” He looked toward the entrance of the school as the bell rang, signaling the five minute warning before first period. “Anyway, looks like someone has to get to class.”

“D-don’t you have to get to class, too?” Evan asked, staring at Connor curiously. 

Connor shrugged and glanced back at where he was before Evan arrived. “I’ll think about it. Probably show up for second period at least.”

Second period. The class that he and Evan shared. Evan’s smile returned, as well as a semblance of the Bold Evan from yesterday. “Y-you’d better!” he joked. 

Connor laughed. “I better watch out or you’re gonna be a good influence on me,” he replied sarcastically. 

Evan laughed. He felt so warm. So happy. This was all so surreal but Evan wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

“Well, I know _I_ don’t care but... you might wanna go if you don’t want to be late,” Connor continued more seriously, raising an eyebrow. 

“O-oh! R-right. Th-thanks,” Evan quickly replied. He waved awkwardly and almost ran to the entrance so he could make it to period one on time.

—

Evan wasn’t sure if Connor ended up going to his first period class. Evan purposefully showed up to second period as quickly as possible. He sat in his normal seat, unsure if Connor might want to sit next to him. Though, to be fair, this was high school. Everyone always sat in the same seats everyday, even if they weren’t assigned. As the rest of the class started to enter the room, Evan looked up eagerly. No Connor. 

Finally, as the teacher started speaking to quiet down the class, Evan caught a glance of Connor walking inside and making his way to the back of the room where he normally sat. Evan smiled widely at him and lifted his hand for a small wave. Connor nodded in response, continuing his steady pace until he sat down. 

Evan wanted more interaction but this would have to do. His hand fidgeted from under his desk as the teacher began lecturing. He considered getting out his phone to message Connor but thought better of it. That could end up getting both of them in trouble. 

When the bell rang to dismiss class, Connor was one of the first out of the door, answering Evan’s internal question of whether they would talk between classes or not. Feeling a little heavy-hearted, Evan organized his belongings and exited the classroom. He glanced around the busy hallway before deciding to head to period three. 

Evan didn’t see Connor for the rest of the day which, while disappointing, was not surprising. Evan rarely saw Connor before now. Evan had no reason to go to the computer lab during lunch, otherwise he might hope to meet Connor in there by chance again. 

When the day was over, Evan prepared himself mentally to meet with his mom to go to his therapy session. According to her note this morning, she would be picking him up and they would have dinner later. He exited the building and headed toward the pickup area to wait since he didn’t see his mom’s car yet. Instinctively he reached for his phone to see if his mom had contacted him to tell him she’d be running late. 

“You’re not walking home?” 

Evan gasped from the surprise. Connor was... really good at sneaking up on him! Or at least, he was great at showing up when Evan didn’t expect him to. “U-Um, no. My mom’s supposed to take me to th-therapy.” 

Disappointment was evident on Connor’s face. He clicked his tongue and shook his head. 

Evan laughed. “I-I know. I sh-should just not go, right?” 

Connor chuckled. “Up to you. I wouldn’t though.” He paused and looked nervous for half a second. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and his expression was back to neutral. Evan wasn’t sure if he imagined it or not. “I was gonna ask if you wanted to hang out.”

Evan felt his mouth go dry. “H-hang out?” he repeated incredulously. 

Connor shrugged dismissively. “Don’t really want to go home so I was looking for something to do.”

Evan gaped at him in disbelief. He could not believe this was happening. “O-oh,” he responded simply. Part of him couldn’t comprehend that Connor Murphy wanted to spend time with him. The other part of him worried why Connor wouldn’t want to go home. 

Connor was silent for a few seconds. “But hey. You got therapy right?” he asked, grinning and pointing at Evan with finger guns. 

Evan nodded. Maybe he could see Connor after therapy? But his mom was supposed to have dinner with him tonight. And Evan began to worry this offer from Connor wouldn’t come again. “Y-yeah. I-I’m sorry! I p-promised my mom. She sh-should be here.” Evan hastily pulled out his phone to see how much time he still had with Connor. He saw two new messages from his mom. “Oh,” he said as he read the messages. 

“What’s up?” Connor asked, sounding curious. 

Evan chuckled darkly. His mom wasn’t coming. She was asked to extend her shift. She told Evan to ask Jared for a ride to therapy instead. “G-guess I’m walking,” he answered. 

“Mom’s not coming?” Connor asked to clarify. He sounded unsurprised. Like parents being a disappointment was inevitable. 

“Y-yeah, she’s... working.” Evan stared at his phone. He sighed and quickly typed a response before putting his phone in his pocket. He felt... irritated. He couldn’t depend on his mom for anything. 

Sensing his frustration, Connor asked, “you good, dude?” 

Evan nodded. He looked up at Connor, forcing a soft smile. “W-well, I-I’d better go. I-it will take me longer to w-walk to therapy.” 

Connor raised his eyebrow incredulously. “Your mom bails and you’re _still_ going? Seriously?” 

Evan contemplated that. He really only went for his mom before. After everything that happened however, Evan figured he really needed the therapy. He nodded. “I sh-should. I a-already w-wrote my letter.” He gave Connor a half-smile to convey his half-hearted joke. 

Connor laughed but it was less enthused. “Want me to walk with you?”

Evan quickly looked at Connor, wide-eyed. “Y-you’d do that?” 

Connor shrugged. “I got nowhere else to go.” 

Evan smiled, this time genuinely. “Okay!” 

The journey to therapy was about twenty minutes, but for Evan it could’ve been an hour and he wouldn’t have minded. He was able to tell Connor a bit more about himself, how he lived with his mom only since his dad left when he was a kid. But his mom was barely home so it almost felt like he lived alone. 

“Wow. That sounds like a dream,” Connor mused. 

Evan supposed to Connor it might. Just like the Murphy’s seemed like a dream to Evan. “I-I’m guessing your parents are a-always home?” Evan asked. It seemed strange to ask about something he already knew the answer to. But at the same time, Evan had never heard Connor's perspective of his parents. He was sure it would be much different than his own perspective of them. 

“Home enough to remind me of what a complete fuck up I am, yeah,” Connor responded icily. 

“I-I’m sorry,” Evan responded genuinely. 

Connor shook his head. His mood darker. He looked like he would prefer a change of subject. 

Evan pointed at a building up ahead. “Th-that’s where therapy is,” he stated. “Th-thank you for w-walking with me.”

Connor shrugged and gave a half-smile. “Beats going home,” he said. 

They got to the door. “I’ll talk t-to you later?” Evan asked. 

Connor smiled a bit more. “Yeah. Bye, Evan.” 

Evan waved as he went inside to the front desk to check in. 

—

EvanHansen1: hi :-)

CM1999: aren’t u in therapy? lol

EvanHansen1: waiting to go in. Figured I would help keep you occupied!

CM1999: lol thanks 

EvanHansen1: Well, gotta go now. Talk to you later!

CM1999: later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is nearly done. I have so much time to write with the quarantine and all. So, I’ll be updating pretty quickly and regularly!


	4. Home

Therapy was... interesting. It was good, Evan reasoned. He couldn’t exactly tell the therapist everything that had happened (mentioning time travel might result in him getting prescribed even more medication). But he was able to mention Connor and his desire to mend his relationships. His therapist seemed encouraging. 

Evan checked his phone as he left the office. No new notifications. So he guessed he would be walking home too. He sighed and opened the door to the outside. He did not expect to see Connor waiting there. He was leaning against a nearby pillar and scrolling through his phone. 

“Y-you're still here?” Evan asked loud enough for Connor to hear. He smiled as Connor looked up. 

“Figured you could use someone to walk home with. Unless your mom is picking you up?” Connor responded. He put his phone away in his pocket. 

“Sh-she’s not. Thank you,” Evan responded. 

Evan quickened his pace to join Connor's side as the two of them walked toward his home. Evan gripped his backpack straps in front of him tightly. He felt overwhelmed with something. He wasn’t sure what. But it wasn’t bad. The two of them stared straight ahead as they walked. 

“So, how was it?” Connor asked nonchalantly. 

“F-fine!” Evan responded. After a pause. “I told Dr. Sherman a-about you.”

Connor let out a short laugh. “And what did Dr. Sherman have to say about that?” he asked, sounding slightly condescending. 

“H-he was glad I m-made a friend,” Evan responded. He glanced up at Connor. 

Connor nodded slowly then shrugged. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

Evan smiled softly and looked back ahead. The two of them walked in silence for the next few minutes. For Connor, Evan guessed, he had nothing to say. For Evan, however, he was internally debating his next question and its validity. 

Finally, deciding what to say, Evan breathed in and spoke. “W-would you like to stay for d-dinner?” he asked a little too loudly and a little too quickly. 

“Uh... sure,” Connor responded. He didn’t seem to to expect that. He smirked as he continued. “The longer I can avoid going home the better.”

“O-okay! Great!” Evan responded beaming. 

—

Once they arrived at Evan’s house, Evan began nervously explaining things. Such as why their fence had a special trick to opening it (someone had hit it with a car once and it never quite opened the same) and why their lawn was massively overgrown (his mom was hardly ever home and they didn’t own a lawnmower). Evan reached for his house key in his backpack and unlocked the door. The scent of a freshly cooked meal caught him by surprise. 

“Hi, Evan! Welcome home! Oh, who’s this?” Heidi asked curiously. She seemed caught off guard. 

Evan and Connor walked in and Connor shut the door behind him. 

“Mom, this is C-Connor Murphy. He’s my f-friend from school,” Evan explained, gesturing to Connor. 

Connor gave a casual wave and said “‘sup?”

Heidi smiled but it looked nervous and forced. “Oh, Evan! That’s wonderful you made a friend!” She walked toward them. She moved her gaze to Connor. “Hi, Connor. Great to meet you.” She looked back at Evan, now right in front of him. She lowered her voice. “Honey, I wish you would’ve told me you were bringing someone over. I only made dinner for the two of us.”

Evan knew she had a right to feel that way, but he couldn’t help the way the anger bubbled inside of him. His mom, who had done nothing but let him down all day, was now complaining for a lack of notice to things changing. “I d-didn’t think you’d be home,” he responded curtly, avoiding eye contact. 

“Well, of course!” Heidi said playfully. “I told you in my note this morning. Remember, honey?”

“Y-you also said you’d t-take me to therapy,” Evan retorted, continuing to look away. He felt a little awkward having this conversation in front of Connor. But at the same time, he wasn’t sure if he would’ve cared enough to have this conversation if not for Connor. 

Heidi paused. “That’s right. I did,” she responded. “I should’ve told you that dinner was still happening, Evan. I’m sorry.” She glanced over at Connor and smiled at him. 

Connor smiled back, just as forced, and glanced around the house before looking at Evan. 

“It’s ok,” Evan responded in a quiet voice. He finally looked up at his mom. “Can C-Connor still stay?” he asked. 

“Well...” Heidi began, looking back at the table which clearly was only set for two. 

“I-I can make him something else,” Evan continued, walking toward the fridge. 

“Evan!” Heidi called out. She smiled nervously at Connor. “Sorry about this. One second okay?”

Connor held up his hands and nodded. He walked over to the couch, sat down, and started scrolling through his phone to give them some space. 

“Evan,” Heidi said more quietly, now at his side. Evan was already taking bread and lunch meat out to make Connor a sandwich. “Honey, Connor can come over another night, okay? I wanted to spend time with you.” She smiled and placed her hand on his shoulder. 

Evan felt the anger returning. Connor didn’t want to go home. Connor was here. He wanted to be at Evan’s house. His mom could choose another day that was convenient for her to spend time with Evan. “He’s already here,” Evan responded, staring at the counter as he continued to make the sandwich. 

Heidi was silent for a moment. She squeezed Evan’s shoulder before dropping her hand. “I’m sure he won’t mind coming back another time,” she reasoned. 

Evan had paused making the sandwich. He gripped his hands into fists, feeling ready to burst. 

“I can come back after dinner.”

Evan and Heidi turned to look at Connor who was now standing by the doorway again. 

Evan looked too shocked to speak so Heidi responded first. “Oh, Connor, that’s sweet of you. But, it’s already late. I’m sure your parents wouldn’t want you out that late on a school night.”

Connor scoffed. “Oh, I’m sure they could care less.” 

Heidi seemed put off by that response. She glanced back at Evan, seemingly wondering about his choice in friends. She looked at her watch, in a very showy way, in Evan’s opinion. She looked back at Evan expectantly. 

Evan was avoiding eye contact with anyone, however, afraid that whatever was bubbling inside of him was about to burst out if he wasn’t careful. 

Heidi held up her hands. “Okay, okay. Yes, Connor. You can stay. I’m not going to send you away during dinner.” She laughed at the idea of it but to Evan it sounded forced. 

Evan smiled at her. “Thanks, mom,” he replied. He turned to Connor and smiled wider. 

Connor smiled back and set his things back by the couch. 

“I‘ll... set another place at the table!” Heidi stated. She reached into the cabinet and pulled out a plate and cup. 

Connor made his way over to Evan, who was back to making a sandwich. They silently discussed what Connor would want on it as Heidi made room for Connor at the table. 

“So!” Heidi began, looking slowly between Evan and Connor with a smile as they all sat at the table. “How long have you two been friends? Forgive me, Connor, this is the first I’m hearing about you!”

Evan could tell his mom was upset. That her statement came with the underlying message that she was offended that Evan didn’t mention Connor sooner. His mom didn’t like to be caught off guard. 

“Hmm...” Connor responded and looked up like he was pretending to be deep in thought. “About a day? Two days?” 

Evan chuckled. “Y-yeah. That s-sounds about right,” he responded. 

Relief seemed to flood over Heidi. She seemed glad to know she hadn’t been kept out of the loop too long. “Well, no wonder I hadn’t heard about you yet!” She laughed. “First day of school is a great day for new friends!” 

Evan nodded and turned his gaze to Connor before stifling a laugh. 

Connor grinned. “Yeah, it sure is,” he responded sarcastically. 

As they all finished eating, Heidi once again made a show to look at her watch. She looked up at Connor with a sweet smile. “Well, Connor, it was wonderful to meet you. Next time I’ll make enough for the three of us!”

“Thanks, Mrs. Hansen,” Connor responded, smiling at her. He looked down at his empty plate and his smile faltered. 

“C-can Connor stay a little longer?” Evan asked quickly, barely having given the question time to process before saying it out loud. 

Connor gave Evan a half smile. 

“Oh... oh, Evan, honey that’s sweet of you. But... it is a school night! And it’s getting late,” Heidi reasoned. 

“If his parents don’t mind it’s okay, r-right?” Evan asked, looking back at his mom. 

“Well...” Heidi once again looked at her watch. “I guess an hour won’t hurt.”

Evan exhaled and smiled at Connor who smiled back. 

“ _If_ his parents are ok with it!” Heidi clarified in a loud voice as the two of them stood up. 

“Yeah, they don’t care,” Connor responded. “Thanks, Mrs. H!” 

“You’re... welcome!” Heidi responded, still sitting at the table as she watched the two of them head upstairs. 

—

Evan and Connor entered Evan’s room. Evan closed the door behind them. He tried to stop grinning so much, but he couldn’t help it. This was the first time he’d had a friend over! Well, a friend who wasn’t obligated to be there. Jared didn’t count. He looked at Connor as he surveyed the room. What did friends do when they hung out? Evan didn’t have a lot to work with. He had an XBox but it only had one controller. And he wasn’t sure if any of his games would interest Connor. 

Evan remembered his folder on his phone with photos of trees he’d saved to show Connor. That could be something they could do. 

He sat down on his bed next to Connor who had settled there a few seconds prior and was staring at a certificate Evan had on the wall from his time as an apprentice park ranger during the summer. Evan followed his gaze. He considered mentioning the trees right then. But maybe Connor wouldn’t want to do that. Evan decided it would be safer to ask. 

“So, wh-what do you want to do?” Evan asked, looking back at Connor, hoping it wasn’t too eager. 

Connor shrugged. “Whatever’s fine,” he responded lazily. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a bag and a lighter. 

Evan studied him curiously, not immediately recognizing what Connor was doing. When he saw Connor light the joint he had in his mouth, Evan jumped up. “C-Connor! Y-you can’t do that in the house!” He rushed over to his window and opened it, hoping he had done so soon enough to mask the smell. 

He rushed back over to Connor and ushered him toward the window. Connor laughed. “Chill, dude. It’s fine.”

“M-my mom is home! Wh-what if she smelled it?” Evan whispered. He glanced toward his door instinctively. 

“Maybe she’ll act like she didn’t notice. Always seems to work for my parents,” Connor responded, he inhaled and blew smoke out the window. 

Evan started fidgeting. A lot. Connor was here. Connor was his friend. But... Connor was doing drugs. Wasn’t that something Evan and Jared had written that Evan would tell Connor not to do? 

“Want a hit?” Connor asked, holding out the joint toward Evan. 

Evan shook his head quickly. 

“It would help with the nerves,” Connor insisted, chuckling. 

Evan considered that for a moment but shook his head again. “N-no. Thank you,” he responded. He looked down and remained standing a few steps behind Connor who was leaning his arms onto the window sill. He held his joint out the window when it wasn’t in his mouth. 

“Suit yourself,” Connor responded, not pushing it further. He took another drag. 

Evan looked back at Connor. Friends were honest with each other right? Evan needed to be honest with Connor. “Wh-why do you s-smoke that stuff?” Evan asked. 

Connor laughed quietly, almost hissing. Evan watched as the joint came dangerously close to his open curtains. “Definitely a question from someone who’s never been high before.” 

Evan’s cheeks flushed out of embarrassment. Evan had, of course, never been high. But was that really that surprising or uncommon? “I j-just mean... y-you’re already so ch-chill, you know?” Evan reasoned. 

Connor let out a short chuckle. He took another drag and blew the smoke out. “How do you think I got to be that way?” He turned around, leaning his back against the window sill so that his body was facing Evan. He kept his lit joint partially out of the window. 

Evan felt intimidated as Connor's full attention turned on him. Evan really didn’t know anything about weed or getting high. He knew people did it to be calm. Or for fun. Or at parties. Sometimes for medical reasons. He couldn’t really reason with someone like Connor about something like this. He didn’t know enough. But Connor had a point. Maybe the reason Connor was so calm was because he was always high. Was he always high? This was the first time Evan had seen Connor smoke. 

“S-sorry,” was all Evan could think to say. He took a few steps back and sat on his bed, looking down. He was worried he offended Connor. This was only the first time Connor had come over and Evan may have already made things weird between them. 

Connor took one last drag then flicked the joint a few times until it dimmed. He put it back in his bag and into his pocket. “It’s fine. Just wanted to do it before going home is all.” He remained with his back to the window, arms resting against the window sill. 

Evan looked up at Connor curiously. He considered something. “Wh-why don’t you want to go home?” he asked. 

Connor stared at Evan in silence before rolling his head back and groaning. “Don’t wanna talk about it.” 

Evan frowned. Whatever it was was bad enough that Connor wanted to be high before he got there. “I’m sorry...” he responded quietly. 

Connor lifted his head back up and stared at Evan with his eyebrows furrowed. “You apologize too much, man.” 

“S-sorr—“ Evan began and stopped himself. 

Connor laughed. And eventually, Evan joined in. 

Connor stood up and walked over to the bed, sitting down and lying back beside Evan. Evan turned his body toward him curiously. 

Connor spoke while staring at the ceiling. “It’s just... easier to deal with this way.” 

“Your parents?” Evan tried. 

Connor raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips, his expression darkening. “That’s part of it.” 

“I’m sorry—oh! S-Sorry!” Evan bowed his head sheepishly. 

Connor chuckled. “Stop apologizing!” he sat up and pushed on Evan’s shoulder playfully. 

“S—“ Evan began. 

“No! Stop!” Connor placed his hand over Evan’s mouth. 

Evan felt his cheeks heating up from the contact. 

“No more ‘sorry,’ okay?” Connor bargained, hand still over Evan’s mouth. 

Evan nodded slowly, Connor’s hand moving along with it. 

“Alright,” Connor began. He paused before dramatically removing his hand and staring at Evan expectantly as if seeing if he would say sorry again. 

Evan looked at him with a nervous smile then shrugged. 

“Did it!” Connor whispered, lying back on the bed and chuckling. 

Evan smiled more in response. Connor was... definitely high. But he was fun. 

There was a bout of silence. Evan fidgeted and wondered how to fill it. “H-hey, Connor?” he asked. 

“That’s me,” Connor responded. He had his arm over his eyes. 

“Do you w-want to see some pictures I took this summer?” Evan suggested. “I-I was an apprentice park ranger at Ellison State Park.” He beamed. Knowing Connor had looked at his certificate, he hoped he would be impressed. 

“You were a what?” Connor asked, sounding confused. He uncovered his eyes. “Oh!” he said with realization. “That thing on your wall, right?” He turned his head toward Evan. 

Evan nodded. “Mmhm!” He took his phone out of his pocket and opened his “Connor” folder from his photos. 

Connor had sat up and was looking over his shoulder. “That folder has my name on it,” he mentioned. 

Evan felt his cheeks heat up again. “U-um, yeah! I p-planned to show y-you these pictures b-before.” He hoped that wasn’t too weird. 

Connor didn’t seem to question it further. “Are those all trees?” he asked, leaning closer to the phone. The side of his leg and arm pressed up against Evan’s. The areas of contact felt very warm. 

Evan nodded and clicked on one of the photos to enlarge it. He went into detail about the species of each tree and how you could tell what one was from the shape of its leaves. He spoke with the confidence of a true tree expert. He paused after about the fifth tree to get a reaction from Connor. 

Connor nodded slowly, staring at Evan’s phone. “I’ve literally never met anyone who knows as much about trees as you do.” 

Taking this as a compliment, Evan grinned. “Thank you,” he responded. 

Connor chuckled. “Yeah, no problem.” 

A knock on the door caused both of them to stop and turn toward the sound. 

“Hey, boys! Five minute warning!” Heidi called out. From the sound of her footsteps it was evident she walked away. 

Both Evan and Connor turned back and looked down. Neither wanted this moment to end, for their own reasons, but Evan reasoned that Connor’s was a bit more serious than his own. He glanced at Connor sympathetically. 

Just as quickly as Connor’s expression reflected dread, he was back to his casual, calm demeanor. “Well, back to the fuck storm I go,” he said, standing. 

Evan stood up too, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt as he tried to think of something comforting to say. “M-maybe everyone’s asleep?” he suggested hopefully. 

Connor scoffed and shook his head before looking back at Evan with pity. “If only I could be so lucky.” He started his walk around Evan’s bed and toward the door. 

“Th-thank you for coming over!” Evan exclaimed, following him. 

Connor placed his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. “Thanks for forcing your mom to let me stay,” he joked, chuckling. 

Evan’s smile faltered. His mom was probably going to want to talk to Evan after Connor left about what had happened earlier. Evan was sure his mom was upset at Evan for convincing her to change the night’s plans so that Connor could stay. “Yeah...” Evan responded, absently. 

“Well, anyway, see you later,” Connor stated. 

Evan came back to his senses. “Bye!” He said then leaned forward and hugged Connor instinctively. It took him a full two seconds before he let go and took a few steps back, looking at him in horror. Evan was used to only really saying goodbye to family. And his family always hugged when they said goodbye. “I-I’m sorry. F-force of habit,” Evan explained. 

Connor looked a little surprised, but entertained. “It’s cool. No more ‘sorry’ right?” Connor reminded him. 

Evan’s shoulders slumped and he smiled. “R-right,” he agreed. 

“Good,” Connor responded with a chuckle. Connor opened the door and Evan followed him downstairs. Connor retrieved his messenger bag and headed toward the door as Heidi made it downstairs. 

“Good night, Connor! Will you be alright to walk home on your own?” Heidi asked. 

“I’ll be fine. Thanks,” Connor responded. He smiled at Evan before turning and walking out the door. 

Evan shut the door behind him slowly. He locked it then turned back toward his mother. He gave her a half-smile then walked past her to the stairs. 

“Hey, Evan?” Heidi asked, just as Evan was about halfway up. 

He winced. Well, here goes. “Yeah, mom?” he asked, continuing to walk up the stairs. 

Heidi followed him up the stairs. Evan walked into his room and sat down on the bed, facing the doorway expectantly. He gripped and ungripped the blanket on the bed nervously. 

“Just wanted to talk to you, since we didn’t get the chance earlier,” Heidi started as she walked in the room. She paused and looked past Evan to the open window. She furrowed her eyebrows suspiciously. “Evan, it’s so cold. Why is your window open?” She walked over to it to shut it. She paused again. 

Evan turned his body toward her, watching her anxiously. 

“Is that... do I smell weed?” Heidi asked incredulously. 

Evan’s eyes widened. He froze, unsure of what to say. 

“Evan!” Heidi exclaimed, walking closer to the bed. She lowered her voice as if someone else could somehow hear. “Were you boys... smoking _pot_ in here?” 

Evan shook his head furiously. “N-no, of course not!” Evan denied. He at least wasn’t smoking weed so it wasn’t a total lie. 

Heidi looked somewhat convinced but also very concerned. “Evan, honey,” she began, walking to the other side of his bed so she could sit by him. “I’m not sure about Connor. Maybe you shouldn’t hang out with him.”

Evan felt a twinge of worry, but it was overshadowed by defensiveness on Connor's behalf. “He’s my friend,” Evan stated. 

“I know he is, Evan, and I’m... soo happy you made a friend!” Heidi said with what appeared to be forced enthusiasm. “I just... I want you to be careful, Evan, okay?”

Evan paused then nodded. 

Heidi nodded too and looked down at Evan’s cast. “Maybe ask some other kids to sign your cast tomorrow, huh?” she suggested. 

Meaning, find some new friends, Evan thought. Evan merely nodded. “Yeah. I’ll try,” he responded.

“I’m proud of you, Evan!” Heidi said, hugging him before standing. “I have another early shift tomorrow so I’ll be gone when you wake up.”

Evan nodded again. “Sounds good,” he replied. 

“Goodnight, honey!” Heidi said before leaving the room. She shut the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, the next chapter is almost done! I’ve been writing almost non-stop. For those waiting for the romance, friendship happens first. This will be a very slow burn lol.


	5. Weekend Plans

Later that night when Evan was ready to sleep, he decided to check on Connor. He hadn’t heard anything from him, which, wasn’t weird. They had just seen each other. But with as reluctant as Connor was to go home, Evan wanted to make sure he was alright. 

EvanHansen1: hey :-)

He decided to start out casual. Connor seemed very against talking about his problems or home life, so Evan would let him decide how the conversation would go. 

Evan didn’t see the message as read or any indication that Connor was trying to respond a few minutes later. Connor could be busy? Possibly asleep, but it was still early. 

EvanHansen1: is everything ok?

Evan continued to stare at the open message for another couple of minutes. He tried distracting himself by organizing his Connor photo folder on his phone and indicating which trees he had already showed to Connor and which were most important to show next. Evan believed Connor may really like some trees more than others and maybe even want to see them in person someday? He imagined them even visiting the orchard together, even though it currently wasn’t an orchard and there was no active fundraiser to change that. Still, Connor may like to visit a place from his childhood with Evan in reality. 

Even though he received no notifications, Evan still returned to the message to see if anything changed. It hadn’t. He began to feel the first hints of worry. Worry for Connor, absolutely, but more than that, worry that he did something wrong. Maybe Connor didn’t want to talk to him anymore. Would it really be that surprising? Spending time with him tonight indicated they still really didn’t know each other that well. Maybe Evan even offended him somehow? Maybe he thought Evan was lame? As the anxiety increased in Evan he shakily started typing another response. 

EvanHansen1: I’m sorry if I did anything wrong. And... sorry for saying sorry. 

EvanHansen1: :-) 

Evan forced himself to stop looking at his phone if only because he was close to a full blown anxiety attack and he needed to calm down. He checked his alarm one last time before setting down his phone and trying to regulate his breathing so he could sleep. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Count down from five slowly. 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... He felt his breathing and heart rate return to normal and continued to lie there, awaiting sleep. 

Evan sat up to check his phone twice, about 30 minutes apart. Still no new notifications. He decided to turn on the notification sound so that if he received something he would wake up. That gave him enough assurance for a restless sleep. 

When Evan’s alarm went off, he felt extremely groggy. He first assumed it was a notification and immediately sat up to check his phone, granting him dizziness in return. When he was finally able to focus on his screen, he turned off the alarm and went to Instagram. The message was still unseen and unresponded to. 

Evan felt his heart drop. Connor didn’t want to talk to him. Connor probably wouldn’t want to see him at school today either. Was Evan back to where he started? He hoped at least Connor was still alive, though the thought of that made him even more anxious. But otherwise, what had been the point of this opportunity to go back in time? 

Evan got up and got dressed in a haze. He wouldn’t stop going to school or anything, but his motivation to do anything was extremely low. His mom, as she previously informed him, was already gone. For once he wished she was there to talk to. To have anyone to discuss this with. Evan contemplated texting Jared but thought better of it. Maybe Evan would find him at school. Having someone to talk to, even if that someone could care less, was better than no one. 

Evan finished his breakfast and grabbed his backpack. As he opened the door, he blinked against the bright sunlight. He noticed a shadow near the edge of his fence. As his eyes adjusted to the light, he realized it was a person. His heart rate immediately sped up, full of hope. He hastily closed and locked his door and walked to the gate of the fence to get a better look. 

There, leaning against the fence with his hood up and a scowl on his face was Connor! Evan felt all of his anxious fears from the night before fade away. 

“H-Hi, Connor!” Evan greeted, excitedly, now beside him. 

Connor looked at Evan and his expression softened for a moment before the scowl returned. He removed a headphone from the ear closest to Evan. “Hey,” he said simply. 

“Y-you came to s-see me?” Evan inquired, feeling honored that Connor would go out of his way to walk with Evan to school. Connor’s home was a little closer than Evan’s to the school. 

Connor didn’t respond immediately but started walking toward school, Evan walking a little faster to get by his side. “Needed to get away,” Connor started. 

“Oh?” Evan responded. “I-is everything o-okay?” 

Connor scoffed. His gaze was straight ahead, not looking at Evan. “They took my fucking phone,” he continued.

Realization hit Evan. Connor didn’t respond because he couldn’t respond. Evan did nothing wrong! Which was evident since Connor came to walk with him to school. “O-oh. I’m s-sorry,” Evan responded sympathetically.

“Don’t fucking apologize, Evan!” Connor barked. 

Evan trembled and finally tore his gaze away, to look at the path ahead of them. Connor was... really angry. It reminded Evan of how Connor was earlier on the first day of school when he and Jared saw him in the hallway. Jared had made a comment about how Connor's long hair made him look like a school shooter. Evan felt so awkward witnessing it he laughed. Connor got offended and shoved him into a locker. 

“And they won’t fucking give it back unless I go to all of my classes. They’re actually calling the fucking school about my attendance!” Connor continued. His voice was loud and furious. 

Evan chanced a glance back at Connor. Connor had told him yesterday how he didn’t want to go to his classes. Evan only knew Connor went to second period since he saw him but he didn’t see Connor again until the end of the day. Maybe he didn’t go to the rest of them at all. 

“I-I’m—“ Evan started then caught himself. “Th-that sucks,” he said instead. 

Connor laughed. It was full of spite, not humor. “They actually were fucking furious that I got home so late last night too. The one fucking time they actually fucking care to have me home.” 

Evan felt a twinge of guilt. Evan was part of the reason Connor stayed out so late. Who knew when Connor would’ve actually gone home if Evan’s mom hadn’t allowed Connor to stay at all, but still. 

“Oh... w-wow...” Evan merely said. 

Connor sighed and Evan watched him run his hand through his hair, lowering his hood in the process. “I’m just so fucking pissed, man.” His tone was much calmer than it had been prior. 

Evan reached his hand out hesitantly to place it on Connor’s back in a comforting way. It always helped Evan when he was upset to have someone touch him. That person only ever ended up being his mom, if she was home to see it. But would it be weird if he did that for Connor? Evan hovered his hand about a foot away from Connor's lower back before he lowered it back by his side. 

“I... hope you get your phone back,” was all Evan could think to say. He smiled nervously at Connor. 

“Yeah, thanks,” Connor responded without emotion. He sighed as the school came into view. “Here we fucking go,” he began. He finally turned his gaze to Evan. “I swear if one person gives me shit today I’m fucking done. I don’t even care.”

Evan winced and once again thought back to Jared’s rude comment from the first day. He couldn’t even imagine how many similar comments Connor must get from other people. Evan’s eyes lit up as he thought of an idea. “M-maybe we could eat l-lunch together?” he suggested. 

Connor merely looked at him, and Evan got nervous, thinking it was stupid of him to suggest. Evan averted his eyes from Connor. 

“I-I j-just thought it c-could help. I-if you’re having a b-bad day,” he explained. “B-but you d-don’t have to.”

“Yeah, okay,” Connor replied, sighing. 

Evan looked back at him, hopeful. “Y-yeah?”

Connor was running his hand through his hair and looking off to the side. “I normally avoid people during lunch, but I can do that.” He looked back at Evan and smiled for the first time that morning. It was soft but it was there. 

“Okay!” Evan responded, beaming. “Wh-where should I meet you?”

Connor, looked up, considering this. “The computer lab?” he suggested. 

“Th-they let people eat in there?” Evan asked. 

Connor shrugged. “Why not?” he said, a bit of his mischievous attitude returning that Evan had grown used to. 

Evan smiled. “I-it will be like o-old times,” he joked, referring to their first real interaction a couple days prior. 

Connor caught the joke and chuckled. “Yeah, exactly.”

The bell rang to signal the five minute warning and Connor groaned. 

“I-it will be ok,” Evan said encouragingly. 

“We’ll see,” Connor responded, sounding more jaded than hopeful. 

“At least y-you’ll see me in second period,” Evan added. He felt his cheeks heat up from embarrassment. He hoped that wasn’t too forward. 

Connor seemed to consider that for a moment and nodded in agreement. “At least I’ve got a friend in that class,” he responded, winking at Evan. 

Evan’s heart fluttered. “E-exactly!” he replied. 

The two of them walked into school together and went to their lockers, only a few apart. Evan noticed how Connor’s demeanor changed as soon as other people were around. He was back to scowling and didn’t look at Evan again. He saw a few people walk by and snicker at him before he glared at them and they walked away quickly. The Connor that Evan knew was a Connor that no one else seemed to. Evan felt a little selfish at how that made him happy to know a part of Connor was exclusively for Evan. But another part of him wished that people could see Connor for who he was. 

Connor walked past Evan without another glance, heading toward his first period. Evan assumed they wouldn’t really interact in school. He smiled at the irony of their false friendship from before. Evan had tried to convince everyone that their friendship had been secret and that’s why no one knew. Maybe that wasn’t too inaccurate of a claim at the time. 

Evan didn’t see Connor again until second period. Like the day before, Connor walked in the last minute. Evan smiled at him as he walked in and Connor gave a half-smile back. 

Evan headed to the computer lab at lunch after purchasing something from the cafeteria. He grabbed a sandwich so that he could easily conceal it in his backpack. He glanced around and saw no one else there. He made eye contact with one of the faculty who worked in there and quickly walked out of her gaze. He still wasn’t really sure if they were allowed to eat in here, and he would rather avoid that confrontation, especially if by himself. 

He found a table without computers on it over by the printers. He assumed this area was for people to organize what they had printed but Evan figured it was the safest place to eat. He sat down at one of the chairs and again looked around. No sign of Connor. Part of him wondered if Connor changed his mind and decided he would rather avoid people during lunch. Evan had no way to know what kind of day Connor was having. He pulled out his phone expectantly, quickly remembering he had no way to contact Connor since he didn’t have his phone. Feeling the beginnings of disappointment, Evan leaned down to grab his lunch out of his backpack and set it on the table. When he looked up again, Connor was approaching. He had his headphones in and his hood up but he had a soft expression. Evan smiled widely and waved. 

Connor sat down at a chair next to him. 

“Hey,” Evan said, smiling while watching him. 

“Hey,” Connor replied, seeming a little distracted. He glanced around the lab. Evan instinctively did the same. There was still no one else was around. Most people only came in the lab before class to print something or after class to work on an assignment. Most people didn’t want to spend their lunch in computer lab. 

Evan looked back at Connor first. “H-how are you?” he asked. 

Connor sighed. “Alive,” he responded shortly. 

Evan knew that wouldn’t have the same meaning to Connor as it did to him but it caused Evan to chuckle. 

Connor finally looked at him, raising an eyebrow. He looked somewhat accusatory. 

Evan’s smile faltered. “Th-that bad?” he asked, hoping that it clarified why he laughed. 

Connor’s demeanor went back to being soft. He shrugged. “About what I expected,” he responded. He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, staring at the table. 

Evan started to unwrap his sandwich. “Did you g-get something to eat?” He asked, noticing how Connor had nothing on the table. 

“Not really hungry,” Connor responded, still staring at the table. 

Evan paused and stared at Connor for a moment. “Y-you could have some of mine. I-if you want,” he offered. 

“It’s fine,” Connor answered. He leaned forward and rested his head on his arms on the table, staring ahead. 

Evan again felt the urge to touch Connor. To comfort him. His hand again hovered behind his back. He lowered it and grabbed onto his sandwich and took a bite. 

It was silent for a minute or two as Evan ate his sandwich. Evan’s mind was anything but silent, however. 

“D-do you think you’ll go st-straight home after school?” Evan asked, hoping it came across as casual and not desperate like he wanted to hang out with Connor again, which he of course did. 

“I probably should,” Connor replied. He sounded far away, like he wasn’t really here fully. He hadn’t looked at Evan for awhile. 

Evan nodded, though he understood Connor wouldn’t be able to see it. He finished his food and placed his hands together under the table. He ran his fingers over his cast nervously. “H-hey, Connor?” he asked. 

Connor merely hummed in response. 

Evan’s mouth struggled to form words. He finally settled on asking, “do you th-think you’ll be ok?” 

Connor exhaled and smiled, closing his eyes. “I’ll live,” he responded. 

Evan, again, couldn’t help but see the irony of his wording choice. “I’m glad,” he said sincerely. 

Connor turned his head so he was facing Evan. “Why do you care so much?” he asked. His expression was inquisitive but also guarded. 

Evan felt his body tense up. He glanced down at the table to avoid Connor's gaze. “B-because you’re my f-friend,” he responded, a little defensively despite his nerves. 

Connor didn’t respond. Evan glanced back at him and, maybe Evan was imagining it, but Connor looked like he had more to say. Instead he lifted his head and smiled sadly. “That’s right,” he agreed. 

The bell rang and the two of them shifted where they sat. Evan paused before leaning down to zip his backpack then grab his trash. Connor slowly stood up and grabbed his backpack. 

The two of them were silent. Evan broke the silence. “Well, I’ll see you... later,” he said, honestly not sure if he’d see him again for the rest of the day. 

Connor nodded, looking ahead. “Yep,” he responded simply. He glanced at Evan and smiled. 

Evan smiled back. Evan noticed how Connor wasn’t quick to walk away. Maybe he wanted to get to class just as it started? Or maybe he didn’t want to be seen walking around with Evan? Evan gave Connor a quick wave before he walked toward fifth period. 

—

Evan didn’t see Connor after school. His mom, surprisingly texted him to tell him she’d be picking him up. When he got in the car, she casually asked if anyone had signed his cast. Anyone else besides Connor. He told her they hadn’t. She wished him better luck tomorrow. 

Evan and his mom ate dinner, now discussing his future college applications and essays for scholarships. By the time Evan got to his room, he reached in his pocket to grab his phone. Due to the fact that Connor had his taken away, he saw no reason to check it until now. 

Two new notifications, his screen read. He felt much more lighter and alive than he had since lunch. He opened Instagram. 

CM1999: hey

CM1999: what r u up 2

EvanHansen1: you got your phone back? :-D 

CM1999: yep lol. 

CM1999: parents decided i was good enough to have it

EvanHansen1: yay!

Evan was so happy. Even if he couldn’t see Connor much today, at least they could still talk. Evan sat down on his bed as he waited for Connor’s reply. The “...” was up for awhile. 

CM1999: u walking 2 school tomorrow?

Evan contemplated if that was all Connor wanted to say. He was typing for a long time. But maybe Evan was looking too much into it. 

EvanHansen1: that’s the plan! 

EvanHansen1: Are you going to walk with me again?

CM1999: thinking about it

Evan bit his lip. If Connor and him walking to school was going to become a habit, Evan was more than ok with it. He could get as much time with Connor as possible, considering he wasn’t going to see him too much during school. 

EvanHansen1: I hope you do!

The message showed up at “seen” right away but Connor didn’t respond. Was that too much? Evan wished he knew Connor well enough to stop having mini panic attacks every time Connor stopped replying. Evan contemplated something to say to make things less awkward. But he saw the “...” icon appear again so he stopped himself and waited. 

CM1999: what r u doing this weekend

Evan stared at his phone. Of course he wasn’t doing anything but what did that mean for Connor? Was Connor asking because he wanted to make plans with Evan? Evan figured Connor wasn’t the type to plan too far ahead. 

EvanHansen1: I don’t have plans! Why? 

EvanHansen1: :-)

CM1999: do u want to come over?

Evan’s eyes widened. He read the message several times before he believed it. Connor was... inviting him over? To his house? The place he couldn’t seem to get away from? Did he want Evan to meet his parents? But then, why would Connor want that? It’s not like they were dating or something. Well, Evan introduced Connor to his mom. But he didn’t plan to. He didn’t expect his mom to be home. What was Connor’s intention by asking? 

Evan took so long with his internal monologue, he realized he still hadn’t replied. He hastily typed a response without thinking. 

EvanHansen1: I’d love to! 

He’d love to? Why did Evan say that? Before he could regret his response for too long, the “...” icon was back. 

CM1999: cool

CM1999: my parents are going on some retreat. didn’t want to be bored. 

Evan didn’t miss how his heart was racing. It would just be him and Connor. Alone. Or... would Zoe be there too? His heart skipped a beat. He couldn’t process which was making him more excited - being alone with Connor or potentially seeing Zoe. 

EvanHansen1: oh! :-O so you’ll be home alone?

That wasn’t too weird to ask, he hoped. 

CM1999: probably 

CM1999: my sister is thinking about going somewhere else

Evan’s heart beat soared. He had to grab onto his pillow and hug it to try to calm down. Okay, so he was excited for Connor. Only Connor. That wasn’t totally strange, was it? He had never been invited to someone’s house to hang out before. It was exciting!

EvanHansen1: I’ll ask my mom!

CM1999: lol

CM1999: think she’ll even be home 2 notice ur gone all weekend?

All weekend? Connor expected Evan to be over all weekend. Multiple days. A sleepover? A sleepover alone with Connor at his house. Evan felt short of breath. His fingers shook as he typed a response. 

EvanHansen1: haha! Still better to ask! 

CM1999: ya lol

CM1999: let me know when u know

EvanHansen1: Of course! :-)

Evan looked up from his phone at his doorway. Should he ask his mom now? Connor probably wanted to know right away so he could start planning his weekend, Evan bet. He glanced back down at his phone and saw no new messages. He placed his phone in his pocket and got up to find his mom. From the sound of her voice, he gathered she was in her room on the phone with someone. 

Evan timidly stood in the doorway, waiting for her to notice him. When she continued her animated conversation, he cleared his throat. 

“Huh?” Heidi turned to see him. “Oh, hold on,” she said to the phone before covering the receiving end. “What is it, Evan?” she whispered, smiling at him. 

“Is it okay if, I-I mean, I-I’ll be gone this weekend. If that’s okay,” Evan explained. He figured it was safer to keep it vague since his mom didn’t seem to care for Connor so far. 

Heidi looked confused. “What are you—?” She paused, her gaze looking far away as she listened to the person on her phone. “Oh my God, really! I can’t—hold on.” She turned back to Evan. “You’re going somewhere this weekend?” She whispered. 

Evan simply nodded. He bit the inside of his mouth on and off while he waited for a response. 

Her gaze drifted again. Whoever she was talking to was telling her very shocking information, evidently. She looked back at Evan apologetically. 

Evan shifted where he stood. 

Heidi gasped. “That’s crazy! I can’t—sorry. One more second okay?” She turned to Evan. “That’s fine, honey. Don’t forget your medication and your next letter for Dr. Sherman okay? And maybe start working on one of those scholarship essays! Just find one that— No! You’re kidding!” She looked back at Evan and waved and smiled, fully invested in her phone call. 

“Thanks, mom,” Evan responded. He wasn’t sure if she even heard him, but he didn’t care. He left her room and went back to his, grinning widely as he pulled out his phone. 

EvanHansen1: My mom said yes! :-) 

CM1999: awesome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I headcanon that Evan is really obsessive. And Connor lacks empathy/self-control of his emotions. So their relationship is going to start off rather unhealthy! But it will get better :)


	6. Friday (day)

Evan spent the rest of the night working on homework. There was never too much the first week of school, but Evan admittedly had been a little too distracted with Connor to think about it. Plus, he wanted to make sure he had nothing to work on this weekend. He assumed Connor would do the same. That is, if Connor did his homework at all. 

His mom popped in to remind him that she had class the next two nights to make up for her missing class that night. Evan did appreciate that she made time to spend with him to make up for the previous day. At least he knew he’d see Connor in the mornings since he’d now have to walk both ways for the rest of the week.

Evan solidified some of the details of the weekend with Connor before he went to sleep. Evan would come over after school on Friday. Connor’s parents were leaving that morning. There was definitely a potential for seeing Zoe that day, but Connor was fairly certain she wouldn’t be present for the rest of the weekend. Evan couldn’t help the way thoughts of Zoe made his heart hurt. Things had ended poorly between them in his original timeline. Their whole relationship was built upon the lie that he and Connor were best friends, however. It seemed only fair that things wouldn't last between them in the end. This weekend wasn’t about Zoe, however. It was about Connor. And, though Evan still wondered exactly why, the thought of that gave him the same butterflies in his stomach that seeing Zoe used to. 

The next day played out similarly. Connor met Evan out in front of his house and they walked to school together. Connor seemed in a much better mood than he had the previous day. He told Evan he was going to all of his classes again so that his parents would back off and stop micro-managing him. Evan didn’t tell Connor, but he found it kind of interesting that despite how much Connor resented them for it, Connor was doing exactly what his parents wanted after all. Having lunch in the computer lab also became part of the two’s routine. Evan was grateful that Connor had an appetite and brought lunch this time. They still didn’t interact outside of lunch and their shared smiles at the beginning of second period, but for Evan it was enough. 

Connor told Evan he planned to go straight home that day as part of his plan to keep his parents off his radar. Although it disappointed Evan that they wouldn’t be able to walk home together, he took comfort in the fact that they would soon have the whole weekend to spend together. Well, comfort and nerves. Evan still didn’t know what to expect but it excited him nonetheless. 

Friday morning, Evan packed his overnight essentials in his backpack. Connor met him outside, as usual. He seemed the most upbeat Evan had seen him yet. 

“Three whole fucking days without having to deal with my parents!” he exclaimed as they walked. 

Evan grinned. Connor’s joy was infectious. “I’m g-glad for you,” he replied. 

“You’re still coming over after school?” Connor asked, turning to look at Evan. 

Evan nodded. “Everything is packed!” he explained, pointing to his backpack. 

“Awesome,” Connor responded. School was in their sights now and Evan noticed how Connor’s mood shifted significantly. “Part of me wonders if I should even bother going to my classes today,” he mentioned, staring ahead at the school. 

Evan just looked at him expectantly. 

“It’s not like they’re gonna call the school from their retreat,” he explained. 

“Why do you h-hate school so much?” Evan asked. Evan imagined it had to with how people treated Connor, but could there be more to it?

Connor smirked but with his current mood it looked more like a grimace. “Not a fan of people telling me I’m a fuck up. Case in point, my family.” His tone was dripping with sarcasm and disdain. 

“P-people here say that?” Evan asked, concerned. The thought of anyone saying that to Connor angered Evan. It surprised him a little how very protective of Connor he felt. 

“Some people say it. Some people just act like they want to say it,” Connor responded more darkly. “Most of them are too scared of me to say it to my face though.”

From what Evan had seen, he believed that. Part of him wanted to yell at all of those people and tell them they were wrong about Connor. Part of him understood he likely wouldn’t be able to complete a full sentence around them. But for the most part, all Evan wanted to do in this moment was comfort his friend. 

“I don’t think you’re a... a fuck up,” Evan said. 

Connor seemed a bit taken aback but smirked and nudged Evan with his elbow. “I didn’t think you did. You’re the only person in this whole goddamn place I can tolerate.”

“T-tolerate?” Evan repeated, raising an eyebrow. Sure, it was a little bold of him to joke about their relationship like that, but Evan was feeling more bold around Connor all the time. 

Connor rolled his eyes. “Fine. I think you’re okay,” he replied, pausing before he started laughing. 

“Okay?” Evan questioned, pretending to be offended. He pushed Connor’s arm playfully then joined him in laughing. 

“Yeah, don’t make me change my mind!” Connor joked. He pushed Evan back but kept his hand on his arm even after they stopped laughing. 

Evan’s arm felt like it was on fire underneath Connor’s grip. 

Connor finally dropped his hand when they made it to the concrete border of the school. 

When Evan finally found his voice, he asked, “s-see you in second period?” 

Connor pushed his hands into his pockets. “Yeah. I’ll be there.”

“A-are you going to go to the other classes, t-too?” Evan asked. 

Something in Evan’s expression must have made Connor consider this because he stared at him for a few seconds before groaning. “Fine, you convinced me. I’ll go.”

Evan smiled. “Better w-watch out or I’ll be a good influence on you,” he joked, laughing a little before walking ahead of Connor. 

Evan heard Connor chuckle from behind him. 

—

Evan was still smiling when he walked inside and went to his locker. He didn’t even notice Jared appear beside him until he heard him speak. 

“Hey, Evan,” Jared greeted, causing Evan to jump. 

Evan turned to see Jared beside him. “H-hey, Jared,” he responded. 

“Heyyy, Connor,” Jared said in a condescending singsong voice as Connor made it to his locker a few down from where they stood. 

Connor looked up at Jared icily. “Fuck off,” he said back. 

Evan couldn’t stop the way his body trembled. He hated confrontation and he couldn’t imagine what kind of insensitive thing Jared would say next to set Connor off. 

“Aww...” Jared pouted. He slung his arm around Evan’s shoulders. “And here Evan told me what a nice guy you were! Didn’t you, Evan?”

Evan could feel his breathing become erratic. In this moment he couldn’t remember why he bothered telling Jared about Connor earlier in the week. “S-stop it, Jared,” Evan said in a quiet voice. 

Jared laughed. “What was that?” He held his other hand up to his ear. 

Connor walked past them. “Go to hell,” he said as he passed Jared. 

“Aww, man, Evan. Looks like you were wrong about Connor!” Jared said loud enough for Connor to hear. 

Evan ducked down to get out from under Jared’s arm. “I-I’m not wrong about him,” Evan protested. He was sure Connor couldn’t hear them anymore but it didn’t matter.

“Yeah, guy looks like an absolute saint to me,” Jared responded sarcastically. He leaned against the locker next to Evan and crossed his arms. 

“What do you want, Jared?” Evan asked, shutting his locker. 

“Is that any way to talk to your family friend, Evan?” Jared faked offense. “That Murphy kid is a bad influence on you.”

“I have to go to class,” Evan stated, avoiding eye contact. 

“Look,” Jared started, his tone more genuine. 

Evan looked back at him hesitantly. 

“My parents are having a barbecue tomorrow and they want me to invite you. You know, to be nice,” Jared explained, emphasizing his last word. 

Evan felt his smile returning as he spoke. “Sorry, I’m busy that day.” 

Jared scoffed. “I’m sorry. Did you have _plans_ , Evan?” he asked, condescendingly. 

Evan nodded. 

“Doing what?” Jared asked, disbelieving. 

“I’m going... t-to my friend’s house,” Evan responded confidently. 

Jared stared at Evan for awhile before smirking. “Oh... I get it.”

Evan looked confused. “What do you mean?” he asked. 

“You’re going to the Murphy’s house this weekend?” Jared clarified. He still was smirking like he was in on some joke that Evan couldn’t understand. 

Evan nodded. “Y-yes. Because he’s my friend,” Evan insisted. 

“Yeah. He’s your friend,” Jared repeated. “And his sister is just a bonus, right?” 

Evan gaped at Jared, too flustered to speak. 

“Very nice, Evan! Didn’t think you had it in you, but you proved me wrong!” Jared continued, starting to laugh. 

“This isn’t about...!” Evan glanced around and lowered his voice, remembering other people were around. “This isn’t about Zoe. I-I already told you.”

Jared closed his eyes and nodded, pursing his lips. “Right, right. Cuz Connor is just _such_ a great guy, right?” He opened his eyes and gave Evan one of his famous “you’re stupid” looks. 

“C-Connor is my friend, and I like him a lot,” Evan responded defensively. His face felt warm. 

“Did you just say you _like him a lot_?” Jared repeated, smirking like he was on the verge of laughing hysterically. 

“Sh-shut, up, Jared. I have to go,” Evan said, turning away. His face felt like it was on fire. He looked down hoping no one would notice as he walked to class. 

“See ya, Evan!” Jared called out after him before erupting into laughter. 

—

Evan managed to calm down well into first period. When second period started, he once again saw Connor walk in at the last minute. Evan smiled at him but Connor never looked his way. Evan’s smile faded and he had a hard time concentrating for the rest of class. 

By the time it was lunch, Evan once again headed to the computer lab after getting his food. Part of him couldn’t shake the thought that Connor may not meet him today. Connor ignoring him during second period may have been nothing, but Evan fixated on it nonetheless. He was relieved to see Connor approaching where he sat at the table. 

“Hi, Connor,” Evan greeted him with a smile. Second period wasn’t a big deal. Evan was getting anxious over nothing. 

Connor sighed when he sat down next to Evan. “Jared is such a fucking prick,” he ranted. 

Evan chuckled. “Y-yeah. He can be,” he responded. 

“Why was he even talking to you this morning? Are you guys seriously friends?” Connor continued angrily as he roughly took his lunch out of his backpack. 

“Family friends...” Evan corrected automatically. When Connor didn’t respond, Evan continued. “H-he wanted to invite me over to his parents’ barbecue tomorrow.” 

Connor finally looked at Evan, completely baffled and irritated. “Why?” he asked. 

Evan glanced down at the table. “H-his parents want him to be n-nice to me. H-he says it’s so they’ll pay for his car insurance,” Evan explained. He looked back at Connor in time to see him visibly relax. 

“Seriously?” Connor asked. “That’s fucking awful.” 

Evan shrugged. “Jared was the only person I had to talk to, though. ...U-until you, I mean.” 

Connor smiled and it seemed almost... proud? Evan couldn’t quite put his finger on it. 

“Meaning you don’t _have_ to talk to him anymore, right?” Connor asked to clarify. 

To Evan his question sounded possessive. He latched onto the idea that Connor somehow wanted Evan all to himself - for no one else to talk to him except Connor. It was... nice to imagine. In reality, he probably was just glad he wouldn’t have to be nice to Jared on Evan’s behalf or something.

“Not usually, no,” Evan responded, smiling. 

“Good,” Connor said. He rolled his eyes in disgust but smiled as he started eating his lunch. 

—

Connor found Evan right away when school was out, as he always seemed to. A small part of Evan was curious how Connor always managed to find him. Was he just incredibly observant? Or, and it was crazy of Evan to even imagine such an idea, did Connor watch Evan when he wasn’t looking? Evan shook away the thought and instead focused on his friend as he explained the night’s plan. 

“I’ve been taking a different route home than usual,” Connor began as the two of them started walking. “It takes a little longer but it avoids walking with my sister home so it’s worth it.” 

Evan simply nodded. He supposed it would be awkward for Connor and Zoe to walk home together considering they didn’t get along. And Evan wasn’t sure if he was ready to be around Zoe for an extended period of time anyway. So if Connor wanted to avoid her, Evan could cope with that. 

“You don’t have to stop home, right?” Connor questioned, glancing at Evan. 

Evan had assumed he wouldn’t be stopping home so he already had everything with him that he needed, including change of clothes and his medication. Though, Evan hadn’t been taking his medication regularly lately and he wasn’t sure if he’d need it this weekend at all. 

Evan shook his head and smiled. “Nope, I’m all yours!” he exclaimed. He instantly looked down with regret. Why did he say that? 

“Great,” Connor responded, not seeming to mind Evan’s choice of wording. He was back to looking ahead. 

As the two continued walking in silence, Evan observed their surroundings. Evan had, unbeknownst to Connor, been to the Murphy’s many times. He had definitely walked there on many occasions but never took this path. They were crossing through a nearby rural neighborhood that Evan had only seen from a distance. 

Evan admired how there were a lot of trees here. They looked like they were planted on purpose - many of them were identical and in a row - but it was still nice to look at. 

“This neighborhood is nice,” Evan mentioned. 

Connor looked around like he was seeing it for the first time. He evidently hadn’t thought much of it before. “I guess,” he responded. He then smiled and nudged Evan. “Hey. Tell me what kind of trees those are, Tree Expert.”

Evan blushed and smiled. “Those are maple trees. Y-you can tell since their leaves have five points.”

Connor nodded, seeming impressed. “You really know your stuff. Well, assuming you’re not just bullshitting me. I honestly wouldn’t know the difference if you were though.”

“I-I’m not,” Evan assured him, looking at him very earnestly. 

Connor chuckled. “Yeah, I didn’t think you were. You don’t strike me as the type to bullshit people anyway.”

Evan paused before responding. Evan liked to think of himself as an honest person. But Evan did a _lot_ of lying before he went back in time. Maybe not intentionally at first, but... Even so, if Evan could help it, he would be honest from here on out. And at the very least, he would be honest with Connor. 

“I wouldn’t ever lie to you, Connor,” he said in a soft voice full of sincerity. 

Connor stared Evan for a moment before he looked back at the trees. It was the first time Evan had ever seen him look uncomfortable or unsure - vulnerable, even. “I believe you,” he responded in a similarly soft voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being extremely long. And it’s only because I stupidly titled this chapter “Friday” and didn’t want to post it until I was done writing all of Friday. It’s a big day! So in order to post what I had so far, I split it into two separate chapters - day and night. This also ended up being my favorite chapter so far. Friday (night) is being written but should be uploaded within the next day!


	7. Friday (night)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I set Connor’s birth year to 1999 per his Instagram username, and Connor and Evan are 17 in canon, assume this story takes place in 2016! Just as a reference.

Evan and Connor didn’t speak much for the rest of the journey. For Evan, for once, the silence didn’t feel uncomfortable or like he needed to fill it. 

As they approached the home, Evan felt mixed feelings. The last time he had been to this house was to apologize and confess to the mess he’d made regarding Connor. He would be now entering the home under such different circumstances. 

Connor opened the door and the two of them stepped inside. Evan froze when he saw Zoe in the kitchen. 

Zoe turned to look at them as she closed the refrigerator door. “What is he doing here?” she asked accusingly. 

“He’s here for me,” Connor replied cooly, barely even acknowledging her. 

“What, are you guys friends or something now?” Zoe asked, staring at Evan. 

Evan thought he would be fine if he saw Zoe. Evan was wrong. Seeing her here, in person, after everything that happened was... All Evan could think of when he looked at her were floods of memories. Memories of their first few meetings at the house. Their first kiss. The many after that. Their final fight. The look of betrayal she gave him after he confessed to everything. It was... a lot. Evan could feel his throat constricting and his heart beating rapidly. 

“Yep,” Connor responded. 

Zoe, thankfully for Evan, turned her gaze back to Connor, frowning at him. “Since when? Was it after you shoved him just a few days ago?” 

Connor laughed but it was condescending. “Yeah. That’s actually how we became friends!” he responded sarcastically. 

Zoe scoffed and looked back at Evan. “You guys are seriously friends now?” It was clear from her tone and gaze that her question was now directed at Evan. Was she... concerned for Evan? In this timeline the last conversation she and Evan had had was her apologizing for Connor after he pushed Evan into a locker. 

Evan swallowed and tried to find his voice. He nodded, avoiding looking her in the eyes. “Y-yes. Connor is my f-friend,” he responded. 

Zoe seemed unconvinced and stared at Evan in disbelief. 

“Fucking unbelievable, right? That I could have friends?” Connor said, his tone still dripping with sarcasm. He put his arm around Evan’s shoulders. “Now, my _friend_ and I will be upstairs if that’s ok with you.” 

Zoe rolled her eyes. “Whatever.” She turned away and went back to what she was doing in the kitchen, which appeared to be making a snack. 

Connor turned Evan toward the stairs before releasing his grip. Evan followed him up to his room. Once they were inside, Connor shut the door. 

“So!” Connor began. It jarred Evan how quickly he could transition from what just occurred downstairs. Evan felt like he needed a lot of time to recover but Connor seemed entirely unphased. Evan stood still by the door. He held onto his cast as he watched Connor setting down his things and moving about the room. 

“I figured we could get pizza or something for dinner. My parents have their account info saved and they do delivery. We don’t even have to walk!” Connor continued. The amount of movement he was doing entirely contrasted Evan. 

Connor sat down on his bed and turned on the tv. He grabbed a gaming controller and pressed a button to turn it on. He got up again and knelt in front of his shelving next to the TV. He was immediately going through his games, looking for something. 

“Have you played the newest Mortal Kombat yet?” he asked, picking up games and moving them to the side. 

Evan swallowed. “I... I’ve never played,” he responded. 

Connor looked up at him. “Like, not the newest ones or not any of them?” he asked. 

Evan shook his head, his feet still planted firmly in front of the door. “N-none of them.”

Connor considered that for a moment then went back to organizing his games. 

Evan quietly tried to regulate his breathing. He wanted to have fun with Connor. He didn’t want to be upset about Zoe. Maybe they wouldn’t even see Zoe again? He could feel his body trembling and he slowly hugged himself with his arms and fixated on a spot on the ground. 

“Okay!” Connor said, standing up. Evan looked up at him to see him approaching. 

“I’ve got it all set up. Come on!” Connor continued. He grabbed onto Evan’s arms and led him over to the bed. 

Evan immediately started to feel relief. He wished Connor wouldn’t let go. 

Connor sat back on the bed and Evan slowly joined him. He shifted until he was just barely leaning against Connor. He had a full size bed so it wasn’t too unnatural for them to sit this close. Evan swallowed again, his mouth becoming less dry and his breathing starting to regulate. His eyes finally focused on the tv in front of them. 

The picture was pixelated and a little fuzzy. Connor must have chosen an older game since Evan stated he never played. 

“Here,” Connor said, placing a controller on Evan’s lap. Evan picked up the controller with his good hand. It was definitely from an older gaming system, one that Evan didn't immediately recognize because he had never owned it. 

Connor pointed to different buttons. “This one is for general attack and this one is for secondary attack. This one is for jump. This one is for defense. You have to do a combination to do the special move. Or you can just button mash.” Connor chuckled. 

Evan nodded. “Okay,” he responded, albeit hesitantly. He looked up to see the GameCube logo on the TV before the Mortal Kombat logo appeared. 

When they got to the character screen, Connor immediately chose a favorite. He ended up suggesting a character with “easy controls” for Evan since he had never played. Evan gripped the controller with both hands as their match began, he versus Connor. Connor defeated him easily. Evan winced when he saw the amount of gore from Connor’s character’s special move. 

Connor noticed his expression and started laughing. “Just wait until you see the new game. The graphics are _so_ much worse.”

“Great,” Evan said sarcastically, frowning as he watched his character get thrown to the ground. 

“Also, you are terrible at this,” Connor stated after the game loaded the character screen again. He grabbed onto Evan’s cast and lifted it slightly for emphasis. “I’m gonna assume it’s cause you’re playing with a handicap though. Can you even grip the controller with this?” Connor leaned closer to Evan to see how he was holding the controller. Evan would be lying to himself if he didn’t admit he liked their proximity. 

“Not well,” Evan responded, smiling softly. 

Connor leaned back, to Evan’s dismay. “Hmm...” He looked down at his controller then back up at Evan. “I have a stupid idea.” He raised his eyebrow with a mischievous grin. 

Evan’s eyes lit up. “What is it?” he responded, hopefully. Something about Connor’s expression told Evan that he would like this idea. 

Connor‘s idea was to share the controller to give Evan a better shot. Evan would play with his right hand and Connor his left. The two of them, understandably, had to lean against each other the entire game in order to get a comfortable enough grip on the controller. They played against the CPU and still lost. But it didn’t seem to matter. There was so much yelling - Connor yelling at Evan which button to press and Evan yelling back that he couldn’t remember which one was which and just pressing all of them - but so much laughter as well. 

“That was _so_ stupid!” Connor exclaimed, leaning against Evan as he laughed uncontrollably. 

Evan was laughing just as hard. “Then why did you come up with it?” he laughed. 

Connor started to come down from the laughing high. He resorted to merely chuckling every couple of seconds. “Hey, I said it was a stupid idea. You went along with it,” Connor teased. 

“I did,” Evan responded, coming down from the laughing high as well. “It was fun, though!” He grinned. 

Connor didn’t respond right away. When Evan looked at him, he was just staring at him. But just as quickly as they made eye contact, Connor quickly turned his attention to his phone. He shifted his body so he was no longer leaning on Evan. “I should order the pizza,” he said, scrolling through his phone. 

Evan’s side felt cold where he had previously just had Connor. He longed to have the contact back. “When w-will the pizza get here?” Evan asked, watching Connor. 

“Usually takes like 20 minutes,” Connor responded, still concentrating on his phone. “How much should we get? A large?” 

“Sounds good,” Evan responded. Now that he was a lot calmer, Evan took this moment to actually survey Connor’s room. It definitely seemed much more... lived in than when Evan last saw it, which of course was after Connor died in his original timeline. There were some clothes on the ground, some of which were close to a laundry hamper, some actually in it. Evan also noticed a guitar propped up in the corner. It looked like the same one from Connor’s Instagram profile. 

“I-is that the same one from Instagram?” Evan asked, staring at it. 

Connor looked up at Evan in confusion and followed his gaze to the guitar. He chuckled. “Yep, same one.” He looked back at his phone to finish the order. 

“Do you play?” Evan asked. 

Connor seemed annoyed by the question but smiled. ”If I say yes are you going to ask me to prove it?”

Evan shook his head and looked at Connor apologetically, like he crossed a line. ”N-no, I wouldn’t,” he insisted. 

“Then, yes. I can play it,” Connor responded rather casually. He smiled. “Alright, pizza is ordered.” He finally looked up from his phone and back at Evan. 

“Awesome,” Evan responded, smiling at him. 

While they waited for the pizza, Connor played against the CPU with his favorite character since Evan insisted he didn’t mind just watching. 

When the pizza arrived, Evan joined Connor as they journeyed to the front door to get it. As they walked into the hallway Evan made a point to observe Zoe’s door. It was now closed. She was most likely inside, as Evan hadn’t heard the front door open to indicate that she left. He felt relieved for the moment. 

Connor opened the front door and got the pizza. He set it on the kitchen counter briefly and offered Evan something to drink. They both washed their hands and headed back up with the pizza and their drinks. Evan guessed Connor’s parents didn’t mind if Connor ate in his room. Or at the very least, Connor didn’t mind. 

Connor once again closed the door behind them and set the open pizza box at the foot of his bed. He grabbed a slice and sat down as he grabbed the TV remote. Evan followed suit and sat next to him. 

“I was gonna watch the newest Marvel movie. Have you seen it?” Connor asked, focused on the TV. 

“No, I haven’t seen it,” Evan answered. Evan couldn’t even remember the last time he went to a movie theater. His mom would occasionally take him but it was more of an activity for friends. 

“What’s the last one you saw?” Connor asked his focus still on the screen. 

Evan contemplated how to answer that. He had seen some Marvel movies before, he supposed, but nothing recently. “I saw... Spider-Man,” Evan suggested. 

“The Andrew Garfield ones?” Connor questioned. 

“I-I’m not sure,” Evan responded honestly. He didn’t remember the name of the actor. 

Connor finally looked at him. “You haven’t only seen the Tobey Maguire ones right?” 

Evan shrugged, smiling nervously. “It was a long time ago,” he responded. 

Connor looked shocked. “You mean to tell me you haven’t seen _any_ of the MCU?” 

“Th-the what?” Evan questioned nervously. Was it bad that he hadn’t seen this? Connor wasn’t going to stop being friends with him over this or something, would he? 

“The Marvel Cinematic Universe!”  
Connor exclaimed. “Iron Man, Captain America, _The Avengers_ \- none of them?”

“I-I guess not,” Evan replied. He found it hard to look Connor in the eyes. 

“Well, shit, I know what we’re doing for the rest of the weekend,” Connor responded. He got up and went to the shelving by the TV where he had a fairly large collection of movies. He started taking some down and setting them on the bed. 

Evan felt relieved but also curious. “Oh, y-you have them?” he asked. 

“Some of them, yeah. The rest I’ll download. They’re all fucking worth it, though,” Connor replied. He put in one of the discs and sat back next to Evan. 

Evan smiled softly. He found it endearing how much Connor seemed to like these movies. Evan never would have guessed if not for this moment. “You really like them a lot,” Evan observed. 

“Yeah, everyone does,” Connor replied dismissively. He grabbed another slice of pizza. 

“H-how many are there?” Evan asked. 

Connor looked up, thinking. “Uh... I think like 10?” 

Evan’s eyes widened. Ten movies? “A-and you’ve seen all of them?” It seemed unbelievable to Evan. 

Connor laughed. “Everyone has. Well, everyone except you. Seriously, how have you never seen these?” 

“I... I don’t go to the movie theater that much,” Evan responded with a nervous smile. 

Connor shook his head. “No excuse.”

Evan could hear the sarcasm in his voice but he still felt bad. “A-at least I’ll see them now?” he suggested hopefully. 

Connor smiled. “Fair enough.” 

The first movie they watched was Iron Man. Evan was pleasantly surprised how good of a film it was. Not that he doubted it, knowing it had Connor’s seal of approval. 

“Wow, I can s-see why you like this so much,” Evan stated as the credits started playing. The pizza was long since gone and just the empty box remained at the foot of the bed. 

“Right? I told you,” Connor said, grinning. 

Connor showed him Iron Man 2, Thor, and Captain America next. And, while Evan was enjoying them, and just generally spending time with Connor, he could feel his eyelids getting heavy. He had never watched this many movies in a row before. 

At some point, Evan realized he fell asleep. He was still sitting up so he assumed he hadn’t slept for that long. He felt a hand on his shoulder lightly shaking him and slowly opened his eyes. The room was dark, save for the TV which was still playing a movie. Evan wasn’t sure which one. 

“Hey,” Evan heard Connor say in a low voice, just above a whisper. He sounded very close. 

Evan looked up at the source of the voice and finally processed what was happening. He was leaning against Connor. He must have fallen asleep like that. Connor had his arm around his shoulders and was trying to wake him up. Evan’s eyes widened and he sat up straight immediately, staring at Connor nervously, unable to think of anything to say. 

“Gotta pee. Be right back,” Connor said with a soft smile. He got off the bed and left the room. 

Evan stared at the doorway and his heart was racing. He still felt disoriented from just waking up. How long was he asleep on Connor? How long did Connor let him stay there? Well, Evan assumed Connor let him stay there considering he didn’t seem like he was mad at Evan for doing so. 

Just as Evan could feel his anxiety surging, Connor returned. He still didn’t seem upset, as far as Evan could tell. 

Connor sat back next to him as if nothing had happened and resumed watching the film. Evan stared at him for a moment before looking back at the door. 

“C-can I use your bathroom?” Evan asked, getting off the bed. 

“Yeah, sure,” Connor responded, looking up at him. 

Evan nodded. “Thanks.” He took a few steps toward the door before he remembered he shouldn’t already know where the bathroom is. “Um, where is your bathroom?” He turned back to Connor to ask. 

Connor smirked. “It’s across the hall.”

Evan nodded again. “Th-Thanks.” He stepped out of the room and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath in and out. A thought occurred to him and he quickly looked at Zoe’s door again. Still closed. She could even be asleep. Evan had no concept of how late it was. 

Evan used the bathroom and washed his hands. He used the water to wipe off his face. Feeling his heart rate returning to normal, Evan decided it was safe to return to the room. Connor hadn’t seemed upset. It wasn’t a big deal, Evan told himself. 

When Evan came back in the room, Connor was leaning against the headboard of the bed, invested in the movie. Evan reached in his pocket and glanced at his phone. It was after midnight. He felt a little less embarrassed about falling asleep. 

“Umm...” Evan began, causing Connor to look up at him. “I’m going to ch-change,” he stated, lifting up his backpack from where he set it on the ground earlier. He realized he should have just brought his things with him to the bathroom earlier but he didn’t realize how late it was. 

Connor looked down at his phone. “Oh, shit. Yeah. I will too,” he responded. He paused the movie then got up and grabbed the pizza box off the bed. 

As Evan watched him he realized he had no idea where he was sleeping. Well, there was a couch downstairs, Evan remembered. What if Zoe came downstairs while Evan was still asleep though? He would rather not see her if he could help it. 

“D-do... you have an air mattress...?” Evan asked, hoping Connor had already figured out where they’d be sleeping and it didn’t involve Evan sleeping downstairs. 

Connor cocked his head curiously as he walked past Evan. “Uh... no? Why?” he responded. He opened the door to take the pizza box to the trash. 

Evan swallowed and followed him out the door, still holding onto his backpack. “Wh-where will I be sleeping?” he asked. 

Connor walked down the stairs to the kitchen and folded the box. “My bed is big enough for both of us,” he responded simply without looking back. He put the pizza box in the trash and turned back to Evan to head up the stairs. 

For some reason, the idea of he and Connor sharing a bed never occurred to Evan. Was that something that friends did? Well, two teenage male friends anyway? “O-oh, r-right,” Evan responded. 

Connor chuckled. “Did you think I was going to make you sleep on the floor?” 

Evan hadn’t considered that possibility either but he would’ve taken it over sleeping on the couch for fear of seeing Zoe. He smiled softly despite his nerves and shook his head. 

Connor smiled. “Well, go ahead and change if you want,” he said, looking down at Evan’s backpack. The two of them were standing just outside of Connor’s door. 

Evan nodded. “Right. S-see you soon,” he said, walking back toward the bathroom. 

Evan changed into pajama pants and a loose t-shirt. He brushed his teeth after deciding to take his medication. He had had enough anxiety worries in the last 24 hours to tell him it was a good idea. 

When Evan walked back into the room, Connor was putting some clothes in his laundry hamper. He wasn’t wearing a shirt. Evan quickly averted his gaze as he closed the door behind him. “S-Sorry, I didn’t know you were still changing,” he apologized. 

“I’m not?” Connor questioned before chuckling. 

Oh. Evan felt his cheeks heat up from embarrassment. “S-Sorry,” Evan said again, setting down his backpack. 

“Didn’t I tell you not to apologize so much?” Connor teased. 

Evan smiled and chuckled. “Y-yeah. I’m—“ he caught himself. “You did,” he agreed. 

Connor smiled and sat back on the bed. “Do you think you can make it through the end of the movie?” he asked condescendingly. 

Evan could feel his cheeks getting even warmer out of embarrassment from falling asleep earlier. “I’ll try,” he said, sitting back down next to Connor, making sure to keep at least an inch of distance between them, just in case. “Which one are we watching again?” He asked, hoping Connor would find it funny, even though Evan genuinely had no idea. 

“Captain America,” Connor responded, chuckling. 

“Okay,” Evan said. 

“It sucks that you fell asleep though. I thought this one might be your favorite,” Connor said. He held the remote and was rewinding the movie, his gaze on the tv. 

Evan’s eyes lit up and he looked back at Connor. Connor... thought it might be his favorite? Like he already knew Evan well enough to assume what he would like? “Oh. Why did you th-think that?” he asked, curiously. 

Connor laughed. “What, were you asleep the whole movie? I thought it would be obvious.”

Evan, regrettably, couldn’t remember anything about this movie. He looked back at the screen as Connor continued to rewind it. Nothing looked familiar. “I-I guess I was,” he admitted, looking back at Connor sheepishly. 

Connor groaned. “At this point I should just start it over,” he bargained, pressing the menu button. 

Evan fidgeted, watching Connor. Connor would start the movie over - just for Evan? And Evan still didn’t know why Connor thought Evan would like the movie so much. But the whole situation was making Evan undeniably flattered and happy. “Why do you think I’d like it?” Evan asked. 

Connor seemed to struggle what to say. “Because...” he started then groaned again. “Okay, whatever, we’re starting it over.” He pressed a button and the starting logos and opening credits began. 

Evan continued to watch Connor curiously. “What should I b-be looking for though?” he pressed. 

Connor sighed and leaned his head back. “Steve Rogers. Just—like his origin story. I figured you would relate or something,” he continued, his voice fading out at the end like he was embarrassed. 

Evan looked back at the screen and felt much more awake and invested than he had for any of the other films. 

Evan successfully made it through the whole movie without falling asleep. Maybe whatever amount of sleep he got earlier - he still didn’t know how long Connor let Evan sleep on him - gave him enough energy to stay awake. That, and the fact that he was extremely interested to understand Connor's reasoning for him liking this film best. 

Evan could relate to Steve Rogers, in a way. Steve was definitely more ambitious than Evan. Evan couldn’t imagine trying to become a soldier after that many failed attempts. But, Steve before the procedure was kind of awkward and unpopular like Evan. And he had a friend who liked him anyway, like Connor. And he remained extremely loyal to that friend throughout the film, even when he was killed in action. 

“Did you stay awake this time?” Connor asked, grinning as the credits started. 

“I did,” Evan responded, smiling at him. 

“Do you get it now? What did you think?” Connor asked. 

Evan nodded. “I liked it!” he said.

“But is it your favorite?” Connor asked, his tone slightly sarcastic. 

Maybe not for the reason Connor intended, this was in fact Evan’s favorite so far. More so than Steve reminded Evan of himself, Steve and Bucky reminded him of himself and Connor. And Evan would never forget Connor making a point to start the film over just so Evan could see it. That memory alone would make this his favorite of all the movies they were to watch. 

“Yeah,” Evan responded, nodding. “You were right.”

“Then it was worth starting it over,” Connor responded, grinning as he glanced at his phone. “Even if it’s fucking 3 in the morning now.” He chuckled. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever stayed up this late,” Evan mentioned. 

“That’s probably why you fell asleep earlier,” Connor responded, chuckling. He crawled up to the foot of the bed to move some movie and game cases off of it. He turned off the TV after sitting back down next to Evan. The room was flooded with darkness. 

“Hey, C-Connor?” Evan started. Connor bringing up him falling asleep earlier was causing his anxiety to resurface. He needed to know. “How long was I... asleep?” 

“I don’t know, actually,” Connor responded. It was disorienting to not be able to see him due to the darkness. “I only noticed you were asleep when you didn’t move when I tried to get up.” 

Meaning Connor thought Evan was resting against him while awake? That... didn’t make sense to Evan. What other reason would he have done that? “S-sorry for... falling asleep on you,” Evan admitted. 

“No saying sorry, remember?” Connor responded. “It’s not a big deal. Don’t worry about it.” Evan could feel the blankets underneath him shifting. His eyes adjusted enough that he could see Connor move off the bed so he could lie down under the covers. 

“Okay,” Evan responded, following Connor's lead. His arm accidentally brushed across Connor when he lied down and he remembered that Connor wasn’t wearing a shirt. For some reason, it made Evan nervous. He decided he would stay perfectly still when he slept, which was understandably easier said than done. He already proved tonight he couldn’t trust what he did while he slept. 

“Well, goodnight,” Connor said, turning on his side away from Evan. 

“Goodnight, Connor,” Evan responded. He turned on his side away from Connor as well and hoped he stayed that way the whole night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I normally re-read these chapters like five times before I post them but I’ve been working on this chapter for so long I just wanted to post it ASAP! I may go back and do some editing if I decide anyone is acting too out of character!


	8. Saturday

Due to his anxiety reminding him to stay still, Evan’s sleep was constantly broken. Every sound he heard woke him up with the fear that he had moved in his sleep. Every time, however, what woke him was the sound of the blankets rustling and the feeling of the bed underneath him shifting. As it turned out the one who was moving around so much was Connor. Evan was still in the same spot he had been all night, facing the edge of the bed. The most recent time Evan found himself awake he wondered if Connor was having a hard time sleeping, as well. Upon hearing Connor’s deep and even breathing, however, Evan determined that Connor was still asleep, despite his frequent tossing and turning. Well, that made one of them, he thought with a small smile. 

Since it was so late when the two of them decided to call it a night, the sun was already up within a couple of hours. Even though Connor’s windows were concealed by closed blinds, the bright light still poked its way through the cracks. In an effort to turn away from the light so he could get at least a little bit more sleep, Evan carefully and quietly rotated his body so that he was lying on his other side, away from the window. He jolted when he saw that Connor was much closer to him than he had anticipated. Connor had shifted to the middle of the bed and was now facing Evan as well. Afraid that he woke Connor up with his movement, Evan held his breath and stared at Connor with wide eyes. Once he heard Connor’s quiet snores in response, he exhaled quietly and let his body relax. He shifted his body back to the edge of the bed to put some space between himself and Connor. 

Rather than attempting to go back to sleep, Evan found himself just staring at Connor, watching him sleep. He looked so peaceful and relaxed, more so than Evan had ever seen him, even on his better days this week. Evan also noticed from his observing just how much Connor and Zoe really looked alike. They both had similar facial structure, though Connor’s jawline was more pronounced. Even Connor’s mouth reminded him of Zoe’s. His lips, though thinner, were the same shade of dark pink that Evan had grown accustomed to kissing. 

Evan felt his face heat up and he closed his eyes to take his gaze off of Connor. That… was not a normal thought to have while looking at your friend. Evan needed to stop comparing Zoe and Connor - they were two entirely different people, even if their genetics gave them visual similarities. And regardless, Evan didn’t want to have those types of feelings about Zoe anymore. It was too painful and it was unfair to both her and Connor to even consider it, even if the Zoe of this timeline wouldn’t understand why. As he willed the thought away, he felt his mind slipping out of consciousness. Combined with the fact that his eyes were now closed, the relaxing sound of Connor’s even breathing and even the body heat emanating off of him relaxed Evan enough to drift off into a much deeper sleep than he had had the whole night. 

When Evan awoke again, he felt much more rested. He slowly opened his eyes to observe that both he and Connor were in the same positions facing each other. He turned his head and glanced around the room. Due to how the light from the window shifted, he could tell a couple more hours had passed. He turned his head back to Connor and noticed how some of Connor’s hair had fallen and was concealing part of his face. It bothered Evan for a reason he couldn’t begin to understand in his freshly awake state. Instinctively, Evan reached his hand forward and gently brushed the stray hairs back so that they rested behind Connor’s ear. Evan froze when he heard Connor's breathing rhythm suddenly shift, afraid not only that he’d woken him, but also that he would have to explain the reasoning behind what he had just done. Evan was only just starting to realize it himself as his mind continued to wake up, and was already feeling the beginnings of regret for his actions. 

Connor, however, let out a small hum and turned onto his back. His quiet snores resumed a moment later. Evan brought his hand back to his side and exhaled quietly in relief. He carefully turned away from Connor, afraid what else he might do if he stared too much longer. He decided to distract himself with his phone until Connor woke up. As he lifted the screen he saw it was already noon - no wonder the sun was so bright. Evan wasn’t sure if he’d ever slept in this late. There was a notification on his screen of a text from his mom from a few hours prior checking to see how he was doing. Careful to keep his response vague and not allude to where he was, Evan merely replied that everything was good. 

Evan wasn’t on his phone for too much longer before he heard Connor yawn, signaling he was now awake. Evan set down his phone and turned his body back toward him. 

“Good morning,” Evan said with a soft voice and smile. “W-well, afternoon,” he added. 

Connor yawned again. “Oh shit really?” he asked tiredly. He was still lying on his back, his arm draped over his eyes. 

Evan nodded, continuing to watch Connor as he struggled to wake up. “We did go to bed pretty late though,” he added. 

Connor lifted his arm off his face and rubbed his eyes. “Yeah,” he replied, still sounding half-asleep. He turned his head to face Evan, his eyes only partially open. “How long have you been awake?” he asked. 

Evan shook his head. “N-not long,” he responded, hoping Connor didn’t think he was waiting for him to wake up. 

Connor nodded and yawned again before he sat up. He ran his hand through his hair to brush it out of his face. He picked up his phone and glanced at it for a moment before setting it down. “I’m gonna shower,” he announced, standing up and stretching. 

“Okay,” Evan responded, watching the way his shoulder blades shifted when he lifted and lowered his arms. 

Evan got up after Connor left the room. He smiled to himself as he reasoned from what he just witnessed that Connor must not be a morning person. It made him curious just how early Connor would have woken up these past few days in order to walk with Evan to school. It flattered him to think Connor would be willing to wake up earlier than he needed to just to see Evan, even if it was likely also to be able to avoid his family. A thought occurred to Evan suddenly. Anxiously, he poked his head out the doorway and glanced toward Zoe’s room. Her door was open. Did that mean she left? Evan would have to check to be sure. But for risk of being discovered if she was still home, Evan decided he would check on his way to the bathroom after Connor returned.

Evan sat on the bed and looked at his phone while he waited for Connor to come back. Due to the fact that his mom, and occasionally Jared, were the only people he corresponded with, aside from Connor most recently, Evan didn’t have a lot to occupy him. He opened up his Connor photo folder and reminded himself which trees he would like to show Connor next. 

Connor returned in a dark grey shirt and jeans, his hair still damp. Evan realized other than just recently it was the first time he had seen Connor without his signature black hoodie. Evan asked if he could shower as well, which Connor obliged casually before sitting down on the bed and looking at his phone. He seemed to still be waking up, Evan reasoned. 

Evan left for the bathroom with his backpack and confirmed that Zoe was indeed not home. She must have left while he and Connor were asleep. Evan felt some tension leave his shoulders - at least there was no risk of an accidental encounter with her anytime soon. After Evan returned to Connor’s room, the two of them grabbed breakfast from downstairs before they resumed their movie marathon. They started with The Avengers, which Connor excitedly told Evan was the best of the movies so far. Evan didn’t think it surpassed Captain America but he definitely enjoyed it a lot. They watched one more film before Connor suggested they take a break. 

Connor stood up from the bed and rolled his shoulders while tilting his head side to side to stretch his neck. “Kinda wanna go somewhere. Might be nice to go out at least once this weekend,” Connor said, chuckling. 

Evan stood up too. “Sounds good,” he responded with a smile. 

Connor grabbed his hoodie and began to put it on. “Anywhere you wanna go?” he asked. 

Evan considered all of the places he had imagined going with Connor, both in the memories of their false friendship before and from the past few days. He thought of the orchard - Connor may like to go there. And Evan would like to finally be able to say with honesty that he’d been there as well. But it was about an hour’s drive and Evan wasn’t sure if that would be feasible today. 

“Maybe the park?” Evan suggested hopefully. 

“You and your trees,” Connor teased, shaking his head with a smirk. 

Evan felt his cheeks heat up. He assumed it was from embarrassment, but it was different from when Jared made fun of him. He didn’t sense any real malice behind Connor’s words. It felt… nice. He smiled and let out a short laugh. “Yeah.”

“That sounds good, though,” Connor said. “We can get food on the way, too.” 

That’s right. It was into the early evening now. “Perfect,” Evan responded. 

They stopped by McDonald’s first before heading to the nearby park. There were quite a few people around - mostly parents with children or other adults with their dogs. The two found a less populated area on the grass under a large tree which Evan identified as an oak tree. 

“Are there any trees you don’t know?” Connor asked, chuckling as he sat down. 

Evan chuckled too, sitting beside him. “I l-learned a lot of them, definitely,” he said. Evan knew it was impossible he knew the names of every tree, but he was fairly certain there weren’t any locally that he couldn’t identify. 

“I will be so disappointed if you’re not the Tree Expert I thought you were,” Connor said sarcastically, frowning with fake disappointment. 

“I-I’ll try not to let you down,” Evan encouraged, stifling laughter. 

Connor grinned. The two of them began to eat their meals as they discussed Connor’s opinions and theories about the Marvel films. Evan didn't have a lot to contribute to the conversation since he hadn’t seen all of the films yet and what he had seen he had only seen once, but he enjoyed hearing Connor speak about something that he was so passionate about regardless. 

Eventually the two of them fell into a comfortable silence. Connor became distracted looking at his phone. Evan did a bit of people watching before glancing at his own phone. He was surprised to see a text from Jared. 

Jared: Still having fun at the Murphy’s?

Evan stared at his phone in confusion. It wasn’t like Jared to text Evan first, let alone check up on him like this. He must have some sort of ulterior motive for asking, Evan thought. He typed out an honest response anyway. 

Evan: Yes I am :-) 

Jared: You make your move on Zoe yet? ;)

Evan frowned at his phone. How many times did Evan have to tell Jared he was not doing this for Zoe before he believed him? 

Evan: I’m here for Connor. 

Jared: You expect me to believe you’re hanging out with Connor Murphy when his sister is in the same house? Lol

Evan sighed in frustration while he struggled with how to respond. 

“What’s up?” Connor asked. Evan saw that he was looking up from his phone at Evan curiously. 

Evan looked back at his phone and frowned. “Jared,” he responded simply. 

Connor scoffed. “What does that asshole want now?” he asked. 

Evan struggled with how to respond to that. He couldn’t really tell Connor exactly why Jared was upsetting him so much without having a conversation that Evan wasn’t ready for. “H-he doesn’t... believe that I’m with you,” he explained. At least that much was true. He looked back at Connor in time to see his visible confusion and irritation. 

“Why not? And what the fuck does it matter to him anyway?” Connor asked accusingly. 

Evan considered that. Why would Jared be texting with him right now? Judging from the current time, Jared was likely at the barbecue he had invited Evan to at school the day before. Maybe he was giving Evan another invitation to show up, just in case Evan had been lying about having prior plans?

“He’s probably at his parent’s barbecue and checking if I’m actually busy or if I can come over,” Evan reasoned. 

Connor let out a short chuckle. “Well, he can go fuck himself.” 

Evan looked back at his phone and started typing. 

Evan: This isn’t about her. I already told you. Connor is my friend. 

Jared: Prove it.

Evan gaped at his phone. Why was Jared being so insistent? Was it that hard to believe that Evan could really be friends with Connor and not have any Zoe-related motives? 

“What now?” Connor asked, sounding irritated. He raised an eyebrow and frowned at Evan. His phone was long since forgotten, locked by his side. 

Evan felt intimidated by his intense gaze and glanced down. “H-he said to prove that I’m with you.”

Connor laughed. “This motherfucker. Seriously? Give me your phone.” He held out his hand. 

Evan looked up at him nervously. “Wh-what are you going to do?” 

Connor merely motioned his fingers insistently. Evan hesitantly placed the phone in Connor’s hand. 

Connor pressed a few buttons before holding the phone out in front of them. Evan looked up at it to see the two of them reflected on the screen. Oh. Connor was literally going to prove it to Jared. 

Evan smiled nervously as Connor leaned in closer to him. Connor frowned and raised his free hand, flipping off the camera. He took the photo then leaned away as he lowered the phone, already pressing more buttons. 

Evan leaned a little closer, trying to see what Connor was doing. He swallowed anxiously. 

“There,” Connor said, handing Evan’s phone back to him. 

Evan continued to look at Connor with a worried expression as he took the phone back. He looked down at the open message with Jared and put his hand over his mouth to keep himself from laughing.

Evan: here u go asshole  
_Attachment: 1 Image_

Jared would have to know that Evan didn’t write that text. Evan would never say something like that. But Evan figured the picture would be proof enough. 

Evan uncovered his mouth and grinned at Connor. “Th-that was perfect. Thank you,” he said. He glanced back down at the message. As his eyes wandered up to the earlier texts, his smile faltered. Did Connor see the other messages - the ones that mentioned Zoe? Evan wasn’t sure how Connor would respond to the news that Evan used to be in love with his sister, and something that even Jared didn’t know, that they dated in his alternate timeline. 

He quickly looked back at Connor to try to determine if he’d seen the texts or not. Connor was already looking at his phone again, his expression unreadable. Evan looked back at his phone, feeling his heart racing from nerves. He supposed things were fine for now, but he rationalized that eventually he _would_ need to have that conversation with Connor. It would be better coming from him than Jared anyway. 

Evan looked back at Connor when he heard him sigh. Connor put his phone in his pocket. “You ready to head back?” he asked, looking at Evan with a small smile. 

Evan smiled back, feeling much less nervous. Connor must not have seen the other texts. He nodded. 

The sun was beginning to set as the two of them started their journey back to Connor’s house from the park. It had been so long since Evan had seen a sunset in person, at least, while outside. It was really beautiful, but Evan wished he could see it from a better view. 

“H-hey, Connor?” Evan asked, looking at him nervously as he anticipated his next request. He stopped walking. 

“Yeah?” Connor replied curiously, looking back at Evan. He stopped walking as well. 

“Th-there’s one more thing we should do. Wh-while we’re still here,” Evan said.

“What’s that?” Connor questioned, still visibly confused. 

“The sun is setting,” Evan stated, looking toward it before returning his gaze to Connor. 

“Uh… yeah,” Connor hesitantly agreed, turning his head toward it. 

“I-I know where we can get a g-great view,” Evan continued, smiling hopefully. 

Evan led Connor to a tree he had observed earlier that had a lot of large and sturdy branches, perfect for climbing. 

“We can see it much better from up there,” Evan reasoned, pointing to one of the higher branches. 

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Connor responded, following his gaze up. He then chuckled. “Fuck, I haven’t climbed a tree since I was a kid.” 

Evan’s smile grew wider. “I-I’ll help you if you need it!” He grabbed onto a lower branch and placed his foot on the tree as he pulled himself up. “J-just use the branches I do!” Evan called out as he continued to climb higher and higher. It was definitely more difficult than usual since he couldn’t rely on his left hand too much, but the branches were arranged in a way that allowed him to grip on to smaller sections with his bad hand before grabbing onto larger sections with his good hand to pull himself up to each next higher section. 

Evan heard Connor laugh from below him. “Okay,” he responded. 

Evan glanced down and saw Connor starting to scale the tree, utilizing the path Evan had demonstrated. Evan smiled, beaming. Climbing trees was one of Evan’s favorite activities and he was finally getting to enjoy it with someone else. His friend. Connor. 

Evan settled on a large branch that was roughly 20 feet from the ground. It was wide enough for the two of them to sit on together. Evan looked at Connor a few branches below. “You got it?” Evan asked. 

Connor let out a chuckle. “Yeah. Man, this was not something I imagined doing today,” he stated. He finally made his way to Evan’s branch and sat down beside him. He exhaled and looked at Evan. “You do this a lot?” he asked, smiling with his eyebrow raised inquisitively. 

Evan nodded. “I d-did a lot this summer.” He couldn’t stop smiling. 

“When you were an apprentice park ranger or whatever it was you told me?” Connor clarified sarcastically with a grin. 

Evan laughed and nodded. Connor laughed too. 

Evan looked back ahead at the sunset before them. “S-see? It was worth it,” Evan stated. 

“Yeah,” Connor said simply. Evan glanced at him to see him staring ahead in awe, like he’d never seen a sight quite like this before. 

Definitely worth it, Evan thought to himself. 

—

By the time they got back to the house it was dark. Connor grabbed some chips from the kitchen for them to snack on while they resumed their marathon. They began with Thor: The Dark World, followed by Captain America: Winter Soldier, which Evan, of course, found himself very invested in. By the time they were ready to start Guardians of the Galaxy, it was already nearly midnight again. Evan suggested they change before starting the movie, just in case, to which Connor reluctantly agreed. 

“You’re not going to want to fall asleep during this one, though! It’s so fucking good!” Connor argued as Evan got up to grab his things to change. 

Evan chuckled. “I-I’m not going to,” Evan insisted. The films had all been very enjoyable. Evan would trust Connor’s judgement that he wouldn’t want to miss the next one. 

Once the two of them were changed - Evan in his loose t-shirt and pajama pants, Connor in his loose pajama pants alone - they sat side by side against the headboard and started Guardians of the Galaxy. The movie had a different tone than the others so far. It was more humorous. And Evan enjoyed it a lot. Connor explained that the films following it all started to have more humor, too, because of it. 

“Wanna try for one more tonight?” Connor asked. He crawled to the foot of he bed so he could remove the disc and insert the next one. 

Evan picked up his phone from beside him. It was 2AM. He looked up at Connor, wincing. “It’s pretty late. I-I don’t know if I could stay awake.”

Connor shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t really care about this one anyway. If you fall asleep I wouldn’t blame you,” Connor argued, chuckling. 

Evan furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Wh-why don’t you like it?” he asked. He was surprised there were any of these films that Connor wasn’t a fan of. 

Connor shrugged again as he returned back to Evan’s side. The movie opening credits began. “It’s just not that great.” He laughed. “Weird plot and a super forced romance.” He shook his head. 

“Okay, I guess,” Evan agreed, assuming he would see exactly what Connor meant if he managed to stay awake. 

Evan did not stay awake, though he was not entirely surprised. Not only was it late, but he hadn’t gotten nearly enough sleep the night before. After about the third time of nodding off and waking up with a jolt, Evan decided to move under the covers and attempt to continue watching while lying down on his side, facing toward Connor and the TV. Connor continued to stay seated beside him. It amazed Evan how Connor could stay awake so late. With their current arrangement, Evan felt no anxiety as he drifted off to sleep compared to how he had the night prior. He woke up barely for a moment when Connor lifted the blankets to lie down beside him sometime later. He opened his eyes slightly. The room was dark so Evan assumed the film was over. As his eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness, he noticed that Connor had laid down facing Evan, as well. With a soft smile, Evan drifted back into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s been so long! I had been writing this story on my phone and the note where I kept the story got deleted due to my phone glitch! I had to rewrite everything I had already written so far. Good news is, the next couple chapters are already in progress so they should be posted a lot sooner! :)


	9. Sunday

Evan woke up to the sound of knocking. He didn’t immediately react to it as his body seemed to be the only thing awake. Where was that coming from?

“Fuck,” Connor whispered beside him. 

The sound of knocking came again. Evan was starting to wake up more. It sounded too close to be coming from the front door. He struggled to open his eyes just in time to see Connor sit up and look at his phone. 

“Fuck!” he whispered again. 

“What’s wrong?” Evan mumbled tiredly. 

Connor was already on his feet, continuing to curse under his breath. 

Evan slowly turned his head to follow Connor with his gaze. He squinted when he saw the light from the rest of the house as Connor opened the door just enough to be visible to whoever was outside. 

“Connor, did you just wake up?” came a woman’s voice. 

Evan blinked, his eyes starting to focus. Evan recognized that voice. It was Cynthia, Zoe and Connor’s mom. He had never heard her sound so angry and disappointed before. 

“Did you manage to do anything productive at all this whole weekend?” Larry asked, his voice full of judgment and disdain. 

“Welcome home, guys. It’s great to see you, too,” Connor responded sarcastically. Evan could hear the smile in his voice. 

Evan slowly sat up, careful to stay quiet. He felt like he shouldn’t be here. This was a private moment that Evan shouldn’t be witnessing. Plus, Evan had a feeling the Murphy’s did not know he was there. He got out of bed and contemplated grabbing his things and preparing to leave. Instead he remained frozen, standing by the bed, still out of sight from the open door. He gripped onto his cast anxiously. 

Evan could hear Cynthia sigh from behind the door. “You remember we had an agreement, don’t you?” Cynthia said sternly. 

“Did you really think he would do anything? He’s probably just been sitting around getting high the whole time,” Larry responded to her gruffly. 

“Come on, Dad. Not the _whole_ time,” Connor said, still sarcastically. Evan saw him lift his arms and shrug. 

“I can’t believe this,” Larry said before pushing the door open completely and walking in the room, Cynthia right behind him. 

Evan stared wide-eyed at the two individuals he previously idolized and wished were his own parents. He remembered how softly and kindly they used to look at him before the truth came to light. There was no hint of that kindness in their expressions right now. 

“Who’s this?” Larry asked accusingly. Evan saw Connor’s head drop as he grimaced, out of his parents’ sight. He lifted it back up with a smug grin. 

“This is Evan,” Connor said, walking past his parents and closer to Evan, standing beside him. 

Cynthia looked like she was struggling between being polite and reprimanding the two of them. “And what is Evan doing here?” she asked, turning her gaze from Evan back to Connor. 

“Let me guess, the _two_ of you spent the whole weekend getting high together?” Larry asked, still visibly angry. He glared at them both before glancing around the room like he was looking for evidence. 

Evan finally tore his shocked gaze from Connor's parents to look at Connor. He had crossed his arms and looked mildly offended. 

“Evan was helping me study,” Connor said matter-of-factly. 

Evan gave him a confused expression. 

“That’s bullshit. You expect us to believe that?” Larry yelled. 

“Larry, please,” Cynthia said in a harsh whisper. She raised her eyebrows at him and motioned to Evan. Evidently she was still trying to be polite. 

Connor placed his arm on Evan’s shoulder, casually resting against him. “Yep. We were up super late working on homework. We lost track of time! Must have been why we woke up so late.” He raised his other hand up with a shrug and shook his head. 

“Really?” Larry tested. “So, all of your homework is done?”

“Of course! Right, Evan?” Connor said, turning his head toward him. He raised an eyebrow as if mentally communicating with Evan to go along with it. 

Evan swallowed and looked down before looking at Cynthia and Larry nervously. “It’s... a-all of the homework is done,” he responded. Evan figured the only reason he could manage to say it is because for himself it wasn’t a lie. He really had finished his homework, though obviously not the night before like Connor had claimed. 

Larry scoffed and crossed his arms. 

Cynthia’s expression softened a little and she seemed willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. “Thank you, Connor, for doing your homework like we asked. I’m sure your teachers will tell us about how you’re already doing better when we talk to them tomorrow,” she said. 

In other words, Cynthia would take their word for it, but give Connor the opportunity to do it before tomorrow in case they were lying. But she would find out one way or the other the next day. 

Connor looked back at them and raised his eyebrows, pursing his lips. “Great. Can’t wait to hear what they have to say about my improvement,” Connor said, his tone more biting. He wasn’t keeping up his false light-hearted tone anymore. 

Larry scoffed again and shook his head before leaving the room in a huff. 

Cynthia gave Evan a half-smile. “Nice to meet you, Evan,” she said. She looked back at Connor, her expression hardening. “Remember, tonight is a school night,” she reminded him. 

“Yeah, I’m aware,” Connor responded, frowning. 

Once Cynthia left and shut the door behind her, Connor’s mood entirely darkened. He walked around to the other side of the bed, grabbed his phone, and sat down. 

Evan stayed standing, rooted in the same spot as before, but he turned his head toward Connor. He watched Connor hunched over his phone, his back to Evan. Evan bit his lip while he contemplated what to do. Connor was clearly upset and Evan wanted to help him. Did Connor want Evan’s help? Did he want Evan to leave so he could be alone?

Evan shut his eyes briefly and willed himself to be courageous. He opened them and slowly walked to the other side of the bed. He hesitantly sat down beside Connor, who didn’t even look up. 

Not unlike the other times Evan saw Connor truly upset, Evan got the urge to touch Connor, to comfort him. He raised his hand behind Connor, hovering it above his upper back. With a quiet breath in, Evan placed his hand on Connor’s back. 

Connor froze initially, maybe because Evan’s hand was a little colder than his bare back was, but he didn’t look up. After a second, his shoulders relaxed and he ever so slightly shifted his weight closer to Evan. 

Evan felt his body relax as well, thankful that Connor didn’t react poorly to his physical comfort. The two sat in silence as Connor scrolled through his phone and Evan looked ahead at the window. The sun was mostly masked by the blinds but it was clearly daylight outside. Evan still didn’t know what time it was as he hadn’t checked his own phone yet. He absently started rubbing his thumb up and down on Connor’s back. 

Evan looked back at Connor when he heard him sigh. Connor locked his phone and set it on the bed on the opposite side of Evan. He stared at the ground. 

Evan took this as a signal that Connor was ready to talk. “A-are you okay?” Evan asked in a soft voice. 

Connor breathed in and out slowly through his nose before closing his eyes. He nodded. 

Evan smiled warmly. “I’m glad,” he said, just as quietly as before. 

Connor didn’t say anything for a moment. Evan still had his hand on him, stroking his upper back with his thumb. He stopped his motion after another moment. 

“Do... you want me to leave?” Evan asked timidly. Cynthia had more or less told Connor that Evan had to leave soon since it was a school night. 

Connor shook his head. 

Evan felt his heart skip a beat and his soft smile returned. “Okay,” he whispered in response. 

Connor finally lifted his head and looked at Evan with a muted expression. “Can you seriously help me with my homework, though?” He paused before his mouth slowly formed a grin. 

Evan chuckled and smiled back. “Of course!”

—

Connor left the room to shower and change before he and Evan were to start on homework. Evan decided to wait to shower until he got home and instead changed in the room while he waited for Connor’s return. Evan tried not to listen to the arguing he heard from behind the closed door after Connor walked out, but the voices were unmistakable and loud. 

“Do you know what your sister’s been doing all weekend?” Evan heard Larry ask harshly. 

“You know, I actually don’t!” Connor responded condescendingly. “Unlike you guys, I don’t keep tabs on every little thing she does.” From the sound of the voices it appeared that the two of them were walking. Larry must have followed Connor on his way to the bathroom. 

“She was at school for jazz band practice. You know, because she’s actually involved in school,” Larry stated, judgment clear in his tone. 

“Well, how fucking great for her,” Connor responded in a neutral tone. 

“Hey!” Larry yelled. “I don’t appreciate your disrespectful attitude.” 

Connor laughed. “Oh, I’m sorry, Dad. It’s _really_ great that your precious daughter is getting involved in school. Good for her!” Connor replied full of sarcasm and irritation. 

“You could get a little more involved, too. Find something better to occupy your time than smoking pot,” Larry said sternly. 

“I’ll get right on that, Dad! Good talk!” Connor responded. There was the sound of a door slamming. Connor must have made it to the bathroom. 

Larry groaned in exasperation. “This conversation isn’t over!” He said before there was a sound of loud footsteps like he walked away. 

Evan finished changing and sat on Connor’s bed, feeling anxious again. He knew Connor told him that he wanted him to stay to help him with his homework, but it was entirely tense in the home. Evan had to assume that this type of hostility was normal for Connor. It must be why he never wanted to be home and why he was so much more happy and carefree when his parents were out of town. Evan felt like he knew Connor’s parents well enough from their prior meetings in his alternate timeline to know they meant what was best - they wanted Connor to go to class and do his homework. That wasn’t that awful of a request. But at the same time, it almost seemed like they had already given up on Connor and assumed he wouldn’t succeed unless they berated and threatened him to do so. Did anyone truly believe in Connor? It made Evan’s heart feel heavy to imagine. 

Evan jolted where he sat when he heard the door open. Due to the lack of yelling, Evan didn’t even hear Connor leave the bathroom. He must have been able to make it back without another confrontation. He seemed irritated as he walked into the room and shut the door behind him. He walked past Evan without a word and tossed some clothes in the laundry hamper. 

Evan gave him an encouraging smile. “Hi, Connor,” he greeted after a few seconds of silence. 

Connor sighed. “Hey,” he responded, walking back toward the door. He finally looked at Evan with a neutral expression. “Do you want something to eat? I’m going to grab something.” 

Evan nodded. “Sure.” He stood up and followed Connor out the door to the kitchen. 

Once the two of them made it downstairs, Connor paused briefly when he saw his mother standing near the dining room table. He grimaced before he kept walking. He reached up to a cabinet and grabbed a bag containing bagels. Evan followed him, feeling his stomach sinking with dread. 

“Evan, it’s so kind of you to help Connor with his homework,” Cynthia greeted, wearing a sweet smile. 

Evan turned toward her. “O-oh, um, yeah,” he responded nervously. He nodded and avoided eye contact. 

“Connor, why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Cynthia asked, turning her gaze to Connor. 

Connor had his back to her and was putting some bagels in the toaster. He then opened the fridge to grab some butter, still not looking her way. “Do I need to tell you that I’m doing my homework? Come on, Mom,” he said, chuckling. 

“Well, at least to tell us that you’re having someone over, especially when we’re not even here,” Cynthia continued. Evan could hear the hints of irritation in her otherwise kind voice. 

Evan glanced at Connor and could see him glaring at the toaster. “Guess it slipped my mind,” he replied in a level voice, the false joy absent. 

“It just seems a little hard to believe, you know?” Cynthia pressed. “That you had a friend over to do homework all weekend? And you didn’t think to mention it to us?” Evan glanced back at her and saw her arms were crossed and she was frowning. 

“Yeah, pretty hard to believe that I would actually do something right, isn’t it?” Connor responded in a low and biting voice. 

“Oh, Connor,” Cynthia began, lowering her arms. “You have to understand how this all looks to us.” She had a soft and sad expression. 

The toaster popped out the two bagels and Connor lifted them and set them on a plate. He quickly spread some butter on them before putting everything away. He grabbed the plate and turned around with a forced smile. “I’m sure I do. Thanks, Mom,” he said sarcastically before he dropped the smile and walked past her toward the stairs. 

Evan glanced between the two of them nervously before nodding to Cynthia and quickly following Connor up the stairs to his room. He shut the door behind them and watched as Connor set the plate on his bed then started pacing the room, looking furious. 

“Fuck, I don’t even want to do my homework just to spite them!” Connor said in a harsh but low voice, evidently keeping his voice quiet enough to not be overheard by his parents. 

Evan felt nervous to speak. “W-won’t they take away your phone, though?” he asked timidly, remaining standing by the door. 

Connor groaned. “Yeah, they probably fucking will!” he spat. 

Evan bit the inside of his mouth, his body tense. “I-I don’t mind h-helping you,” he tried. 

“Yeah, that’s why you’re fucking here anyway, isn’t it?” Connor replied harshly. 

Evan felt his stomach drop. Was that the only reason Connor wanted him to stay? Evan had thought at least part of Connor wanted Evan to stay to comfort him, too. Or even because he enjoyed Evan’s company? Maybe Connor would rather have Evan leave, after all.

Evan swallowed. “Y-yeah, of course,” he said in a soft voice, staring at the ground. He glanced up when he heard Connor sit on the bed. He was starting to eat a bagel. 

“Well, let’s get fucking started then so you’re actually here for the reason my parents think you are,” Connor said, sounding a bit more calm. He took another bite of the bagel. 

Evan felt a hint of hope. He stared at Connor for a moment before he spoke. “So, th-that’s not the only reason I’m a-actually here?” He asked, timidly. 

Connor looked up at him and wore an incredulous expression. “What? Fuck no. I didn’t invite you over for homework,” he said. “That’s just what they think.” He rolled his eyes and took another bite. 

Evan smiled and nodded, feeling the tension leaving his body. “R-right!” He responded. He grabbed his backpack and brought it over to Connor, sitting beside him on the bed. 

Connor lifted the plate and held it out to Evan who took the other bagel and started eating it.

Evan was grateful that he had gone straight to Connor’s after school on Friday. Otherwise, he would have not been prepared with all of his schoolwork to assist Connor with his. Despite the fact that the two of them only had one class together, the other subjects Connor had with homework were ones Evan was also taking, just during a different period. Evan then felt confident enough to assist Connor with what he needed and the two finished within a couple of hours. By the time they completed everything, it was nearly evening. 

“Well, I guess you should go since it’s a ‘school night’ and everything,” Connor said once both of them finished putting their schoolwork away. He rolled his eyes and frowned but appeared far less agitated than he had before. 

Evan nodded. “Yeah,” he agreed. After a pause, “Um, th-thank you for inviting me over.” He smiled nervously at Connor. 

Connor’s expression softened. “Yeah. It was fun. Well… _was_.” He raised his eyebrows and frowned before he laughed. “We gotta finish the Marvel marathon next time. You only have a couple more left.” 

Evan smiled more. _Next time._ “Can’t wait!” he said. 

Evan gathered all of his things and Connor walked him to the front door. 

“S-see you tomorrow?” Evan asked, smiling as he stood in the doorway, ready to leave. 

Connor looked annoyed. “Yeah, I’ll be there,” he replied with an irritated sigh. He then smiled back at Evan. “See you then.” 

“Bye!” Evan said with a wave. He saw Connor wave back before he shut the door. 

Evan began his journey home, a smile on his face. He pulled out his phone to check the actual time. It was just before 5PM. He saw a text from his mom asking when he’d be home. He texted a response that he was on his way. 

When Evan made it to his house and opened the front door, he was immediately greeted by his mom, who was in the kitchen, rinsing off some dishes. 

“Hey, honey, welcome back!” she called over the sound of the sink. 

“Hi, mom,” Evan greeted. He closed and locked the door behind him. 

“How was your weekend?” his mom asked, turning off the sink and drying her hands. 

Evan nodded. “Good,” he responded simply. 

“That’s good, honey. I’m ordering pizza. Have you eaten?” she asked, turning her head back to him as he started putting away some bowls. 

“No, I haven’t,” Evan said, waiting awkwardly for a lull in the conversation so he could go to his room. “Don’t you have class?” he asked. Normally his mom was gone for most of Sunday evenings. 

“It’s starting later tonight. I’ll call you down when the pizza is here,” Heidi said, returning to her task of cleaning up the kitchen. 

“Sounds good,” Evan replied, smiling. He paused a moment before heading up the stairs to his room. 

Evan unpacked his backpack and organized his school supplies for the next day before setting his backpack aside. He took out his phone to set it by his bed while he took a shower and saw he had a new message. It was from Connor. Evan smiled widely. It was sooner than he expected. 

CM1999: want me to walk with u to school tomorrow?

Evan assumed that Connor meeting with Evan at his home so the two of them could walk to school together was part of their routine, but in all honesty, Connor had to backtrack in order to go to Evan’s before school. The fact that Connor continued to do so was very kind of him, and something that Evan had definitely grown to look forward to each day. 

EvanHansen1: If it’s not too much trouble! Now I know it’s out of your way :-) 

CM1999: i dont mind

CM1999: sucks enough i have to go to school at all

Evan smiled and watched the “...” icon stay up for a while. He supposed Connor’s reply by itself was complete. He didn’t mind walking with Evan and he was upset that he had to go to school in general. But it almost seemed like he could be implying something else? Maybe the reason why he continued to inconvenience himself by walking to Evan’s house before school? Eventually the icon disappeared. Evan stared at the message a little longer to see if it would pop up again, but it didn’t. Evan frowned in disappointment. As he contemplated what to reply, he decided to be a little bold and test the water. Maybe it would encourage Connor to do the same?

EvanHansen1: It’s a good way to start the day :-) 

EvanHansen1: So I’m glad you walk with me. 

CM1999: yeah

CM1999: it’s something good

CM1999: even if the rest of the day sucks 

Evan felt his cheeks heat up. So, Connor did feel the same. Their morning walk was a guaranteed positive point of both of their days. And that was why Connor didn’t mind increasing his total travel time to make it happen. Feeling the momentum of his last brave statement, Evan typed out something else. 

EvanHansen1: Maybe I can see you after school too? For homework? :-P 

EvanHansen1: So the rest of the day doesn’t all suck. 

Evan felt his heart racing while he waited for a response. He was already typing again before he noticed if Connor had seen the message or not. 

EvanHansen1: But no pressure! 

EvanHansen1: If you don’t want to. 

Evan swallowed as he watched the “...” anxiously. 

CM1999: maybe

CM1999: u might have to come here again 

CM1999: so my parents believe ur actually helping me with hw lol 

Evan breathed a sigh of relief, smiling again. His cheeks still felt warm. 

EvanHansen1: That’s fine with me! :-) 

CM1999: cool. 

CM1999: i’ll be sure to tell them this time

CM1999: so they aren’t as pissy about it

EvanHansen1: Probably a good idea! 

Evan glanced up at the top of his phone and noticed the time. He should probably shower now so that he would be done by the time the pizza arrived. He locked his phone and set it by his bed, still smiling as he grabbed his things and went to the bathroom. 

When he was done, his mom called him down for dinner. She asked him what he had done all weekend. Evan decided to tell her that he was with Connor, as it was bound to come up eventually, but made sure to include the fact that they worked on homework, hoping that would persuade her to think more highly of him. 

“We might work on homework tomorrow, too,” Evan added, watching his mom’s expression carefully as he ate a slice of pizza. 

Heidi smiled at him. “That’s really great, Evan! I’m glad you have such a good friend.”

Evan smiled back, relieved. He nodded. “I am too,” he agreed. 

“Have you written your letter for Dr. Sherman yet? Don’t forget your appointment this Tuesday!” Heidi reminded him. 

Evan nodded again, glancing down at his pizza. He supposed that was the end of the Connor conversation. “I’ll have it done by then,” he replied. 

“I’m proud of you, Evan!” Heidi said with enthusiasm. 

Evan nodded again, continuing to stare down at his plate. “Thanks,” he said simply. 

After dinner, Heidi left for class and Evan went back to his room. He decided to work on his letter now so that he wouldn’t have to worry about it before Tuesday, especially since he would likely be spending tomorrow with Connor and wasn’t sure when he would have another opportunity to do so. He glanced at his phone as he sat down on his bed. Four new messages?

He unlocked the phone and toggled to his Instagram message with Connor. 

CM1999: they said it’s cool

CM1999: we have to stay downstairs so they can watch us 

CM1999: they still don’t trust me. Can u believe them?

CM1999: lol 

Evan chuckled as he read the messages, picturing Connor’s smug expression and sarcastic voice as if he were saying the words in person. 

EvanHansen1: How dare they! Lol

EvanHansen1: That’s fine though :-) I don’t mind. 

Evan felt his smile falter as he realized that staying downstairs in the public space of the home meant potential for seeing Zoe. He felt his body tensing as his heart rate sped up. He took a shaky breath in and out. If he was going to keep seeing Connor, and he hoped he was, he would have to get over his anxiety seeing Zoe. Evan tried to remind himself that this Zoe didn’t really know Evan at all and certainly did not have any memories of their relationship and how poorly it ended. There was no reason to be anxious, especially since he wasn’t trying to earn her approval anymore. Well, not like before anyway. As he felt his heart rate returning to normal he glanced back at his phone and smiled. 

CM1999: then tomorrow won’t all suck lol

That’s right. Even if he saw Zoe, he would be with Connor. And that was worth the risk. 

EvanHansen1: Agreed! :-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one ends on such a high note! All the better for the drama in the next chapter :-)


	10. Crush

Evan successfully finished this letter for therapy before the night was over, though, it arguably took longer than it should have since he kept stopping to respond to Connor’s messages. Evan couldn’t bring himself to take a break from replying - the fact that someone was willing to talk to him this much at all was a first and it made him incredibly happy. Even more so that it was Connor. 

Monday morning, Evan found Connor waiting for him outside when he opened the door. He smiled and greeted Connor and the two of them casually discussed the weekend as they walked to school as usual. Due to the fact that Connor knew his parents would be calling the school to check on his attendance and general behavior, like his homework, he announced that he decided to go to all of his classes again. When the two of them made it to the school, Evan and Connor arrived at their lockers around the same time. And as usual, Connor didn’t really acknowledge Evan once others were around. 

“Well, if it isn’t the two best friends!” Jared said, arriving on the scene between them. He leaned against a locker in between theirs. 

“Well, if it isn’t the fucking prick,” Connor responded sarcastically, grinning before he glared at Jared and went back to looking at his locker. 

Evan sighed shakily and gave Jared a nervous smile. “H-hi, Jared,” he greeted, already feeling his heartbeat quickening its pace from the hostility between them. 

“Did you guys have a fun weekend together?” Jared asked, grinning. 

Connor merely gave Jared an irritated look before looking back at his locker and grabbing his things for class. 

Evan swallowed. “Yes. ...Did you… want something, Jared?” He asked hesitantly, already fearing what was about to come next. Jared seemed to make it his life’s mission to anger Connor. 

“I’m just so happy for you guys. You finally have friends!” Jared said, looking between them. Evan could hear the condescending tone behind his words. 

“Right…” Evan answered, nodding. 

“Hey, Connor, since you and Evan had all weekend to chat, did he tell you about the big crush he has?” Jared asked excitedly. 

Connor looked back at Jared, his irritated expression now mixed with some interest. 

Evan felt his heart stop briefly before it sped up exponentially. His breathing was shaky and erratic. “P-please… Jared…” he begged in a barely audible voice. He fearfully looked at Connor in time to make eye contact before he turned his gaze to Jared, looking at him desperately. 

“He wouldn’t shut up about it to me, so I’m sure it was the first thing he told you, Connor!” Jared continued. 

Connor shut his locker and shook his head. He gave Jared a condescending smile. “What the fuck are you talking about, asshole?” 

“Oh!” Jared began, sounding surprised. “Evan didn’t tell you? I figured that’s why he started talking to you at all!”

Evan started hyperventilating quietly. He looked back at Connor and could see his expression switch to genuine curiosity. He almost seemed… hopeful? Not the expression Evan would have expected. He expected Connor to be furious and feel betrayed. He expected Connor to believe Jared that Zoe was the only reason Evan wanted to be his friend. He expected for this information to make Connor never want to speak to him again. 

“But how lucky for Evan that you’re there to help him with Zoe, right?” Jared added, nudging Connor with his elbow. 

Connor immediately took a step back after the contact. “What?” He asked, looking confused. 

“Yeah, Evan’s had this huge crush on Zoe for _years_. Pretty sure he never stood a chance until you, though!” Jared continued, smirking. 

Connor’s expression slowly darkened as realization hit. “What the fuck…?” he asked in a low voice, finally looking at Evan. 

“C-Connor…! I-it’s not… I…” Evan struggled to speak but his mouth was becoming dry and he was finding it difficult to breathe. 

Jared gasped. “Wait, Connor, did you not know?” He looked between the two of them. “Oh, wow…” He chuckled. “That's awkward. You’ll still help Evan out though, right?” 

Connor studied Evan for a few moments as if trying to see if Jared’s words had any truth to them. He scoffed and smiled spitefully. “Wow,” he said simply before his expression changed to a frown. He turned and walked out the front doors to the school to the outside. 

“Connor!” Evan shouted after him. He turned to Jared, a mixture of angry and terrified. “Wh-why would you say that?” he demanded in a shaky voice. 

Jared raised his hands in defense, still smirking. “I’m just trying to tell the truth! You shouldn’t lie to your friends, Evan. I was just doing you both a favor,” he argued. 

“I d-didn’t lie to him,” Evan defended, both to Jared and himself. “C-Connor is my f-friend. It was never about Zoe…” 

Jared gave Evan an incredulous look. “ _Never_ about Zoe? Come on, Evan. If you can’t tell me the truth, at least tell your _best friend_ ,” Jared responded sarcastically. 

Realization hit Evan. Why was he arguing with Jared? He needed to talk to Connor. He hoped he wasn’t too late. 

Without another word, Evan ran to the door and pushed it open, frantically looking around for Connor. He wrapped his arms around himself as he walked forward, his breathing and heart rate still erratic. 

Finally, Evan spotted Connor sitting on the concrete border around the school. He was smoking and looked furious. 

“Connor!” Evan called to him. He dropped his arms and quickened his pace to approach him. 

Connor looked up at him with disdain. “Fuck you,” he said. He hopped off where he was sitting and walked away, further from the school. 

“C-Connor, p-please, just— let m-me explain,” Evan begged, following after him. 

“I think I’ve fucking heard enough,” Connor responded spitefully, continuing to walk away from Evan. He brought his joint to his mouth every so often as he walked, blowing out smoke in his stead. 

“I-it wasn’t l-like that, Connor. I promise!” Evan pleaded. He was beginning to feel light-headed. Connor was the only thing he could focus on. Everything around him was hazy. 

“Cut the bullshit, Hansen,” Connor replied. His voice remained calm and level despite how much hatred was dripping from it. 

“P-please, listen to me!” Evan yelled causing both of them to stop walking. 

Connor sighed before he turned and looked at Evan. It reminded Evan a lot of how Connor looked at him after he saw Evan’s letter in his original timeline. The look that showed he was absolutely done with the world. The way he looked at Evan before he killed himself. 

“You know I actually fucking believed you wanted to be my friend?” Connor asked, glaring at Evan. “What a fucking joke, right? Why should have I actually fucking believed that anyone here actually fucking gave two shits about me?” He looked away and scoffed. He shook his head, taking another drag. “You’re all the fucking same.” 

Evan felt the tears in the corners of his eyes before he even realized he was crying. “Connor…” he started in a soft and pleading voice. 

Connor finally looked back to Evan with new found rage. “‘I wouldn’t ever lie to you, Connor.’” he quoted in a mocking tone. “Fuck! I actually fucking believed you!” he yelled, throwing his hands up in frustration. 

“I didn’t lie to you, Connor!” Evan shouted. 

Connor’s expression softened for only a moment - as if he wanted to believe Evan’s words - before it darkened back to rage. 

“I wanted to be your friend!” Evan shouted again before his voice broke. He sniffled, feeling the tears traveling down his cheeks. “Th-that’s all I wanted the first day we met. I s-still want that. I j-just— please, believe me!” Evan said desperately, hugging himself as his body started shaking. 

Connor’s expression stayed hard but he didn’t attempt to leave. He stayed facing Evan. “So Jared was just lying when he said you have a thing for my sister?” He asked accusingly. 

Evan exhaled shakily and closed his eyes. He lowered his head before shaking it.

Connor scoffed. “Should have fucking known.”

Evan looked back up immediately. He protested quickly and loudly. “B-but it’s not why I wanted to be your friend! I…” Evan’s voice cut out. He closed his eyes again and sighed as he willed the courage to tell Connor the truth. Connor deserved to know. 

“I-I have… l-liked Zoe for years…” Evan began in a soft voice. “The d-day you found me in the computer lab I… I had given up on the idea of her,” Evan explained. 

“And so you saw me and thought ‘here’s my fucking chance!’” Connor spat. 

“No!” Evan shook his head furiously, his eyes still shut. “I… I still don’t w-want Zoe anymore… I…” Evan swallowed. “I didn’t talk to you b-because you were Zoe’s brother. I t-talked to you because… I thought y-you might want to be my friend… That’s… that’s all I wanted.” Evan started sobbing quietly. “Just… p-please… don't leave me…” 

Connor may not have known the double meaning behind Evan’s words. He recognized the look in Connor’s eyes. Connor could decide to end his life, just like before. And this time it would be Evan’s fault. He couldn’t bear the guilt if that happened. But even more than that, he truly didn’t want to lose Connor. He couldn’t handle the thought of Connor leaving his life in any way. 

Connor was silent for so long that Evan thought he may have left. Evan wouldn’t blame him if he did, but he hoped more than everything that he hadn’t. When he heard him sigh, Evan quickly looked up at him. He still looked visibly angry but there was a hint of softness in his expression. 

“I can't believe I’m actually believing this,” he said, taking a drag from his joint and looking away. 

Evan took a shaky breath in and smiled hopefully. “P-please…” Evan said in a soft voice. 

Connor looked back at Evan condescendingly. “You really are pathetic, you know,” he said. 

It stung a little to hear those words but Evan rationalized he deserved them. He merely looked down and nodded in agreement. 

“You pathetically asked to be my friend then,” Connor started, slowly walking toward Evan. “And now you’re asking me again, even more pathetically,” he continued, stopping when he was right in front of Evan. 

Evan looked up at Connor with wide eyes. Did this mean Connor believed him? He still sounded upset. When Connor didn’t continue, Evan merely nodded in agreement again, still staring up at him. 

“It just doesn’t add up,” Connor said, raising his eyebrows in disbelief. 

Evan swallowed. “I-it’s true. I r-really want to be your friend, Connor. P-please,” Evan replied, his eyes pleading. 

“Yeah,” Connor said, nodding slowly, his expression still hard and guarded. “I think you do.”

Evan’s eyes lit up with hope and he nodded quickly. “Y-yes, I do!” Evan said. “D-do you… believe me?” He asked in a soft and cautious voice. Connor was still standing right in front of him. 

Connor didn’t respond right away. He stared into Evan’s eyes like he was studying him. Finally, he looked up and sighed in defeat. He looked back down at Evan with a very slight smile. “I do,” he said. 

Evan’s lip quivered. He closed his eyes as the tears started pouring out. “I-I’m g-glad,” he said as best he could. 

Connor groaned. “Seriously?” he said in disbelief and irritation. “You had to start fucking crying, didn’t you? You knew I wouldn’t believe you otherwise. Genius move, Hansen.” Evan could hear the joke behind Connor’s words. 

Evan let out a short and shaky laugh. “A-as long as y-you believe me,” Evan replied. 

“Yeah, yeah, I fucking believe you. We’re friends,” Connor said sarcastically. 

Evan looked up at him in time to see him smile more genuinely. Evan smiled widely in return before he wrapped his arms around Connor in a hug. 

Connor took a step back, either from the impact or from shock, Evan wasn’t sure. After a moment, Evan felt Connor’s arms around him too. He chuckled. “You’re dangerous, Hansen, you know that?” 

Evan opened his eyes in confusion, unable to see Connor’s expression to understand his meaning since he was still hugging him. “Wh-what do you mean?” he asked. 

“You got me to believe your bullshit story and hug you in the span of a few minutes,” Connor responded sarcastically. “What else are you going to make me do?” 

Evan released his grip on Connor and pulled back to look at him, still confused. “Wh-what are you…? I-I wouldn’t m-make you do anything,” Evan responded defensively, assuming Connor was hinting at Evan wanting to use Connor to help him with Zoe. 

“You don’t even realize what you’re doing, wow,” Connor said, shaking his head as he walked past Evan toward school. He put out his joint using the concrete border then stuck the remainder in his bag which he then put in his pocket. 

Evan opened his mouth but had no words. What did Connor mean? Did Connor think Evan was manipulating him? “C-Connor, I—” Evan began. 

“We’re already late for class,” Connor said absently, continuing to walk toward the entrance. 

Evan could honestly care less about school right now. He quickly walked toward Connor and stopped beside him. He looked up at him earnestly. “I j-just want to be your friend, Connor. I w-wouldn’t ask you to do a-anything else. I p-promise,” Evan insisted. 

Connor laughed. The humor was lost on Evan. “Let’s just go to class,” he replied, grinning at Evan before he opened the door. The hallway was empty since everyone was already in their classrooms. Connor started walking toward his room but stopped when Evan grabbed onto his arm. 

“Connor, we’re still f-friends, aren’t we?” Evan asked. Connor was acting so strangely and Evan needed confirmation before they went their separate ways that everything would be alright when they saw each other again. 

“Yes, Evan. We’re still friends,” Connor said, looking back at him with a smile like he was trying not to laugh. 

“Okay,” Evan said, letting go of his grip on Connor’s arm. After a pause. “I’ll s-see you in second period?” 

Connor nodded as he walked away, lifting his hand in a casual wave. He went into his classroom. 

Evan stood still, staring at the classroom door as it closed. After a moment he quickly wiped the tears from his face and walked toward his own classroom. He hesitated when he got to the door, not sure how his teacher would react to him arriving late. Evan had seen the teachers reprimand other students for walking in after class had begun but Evan had never been late enough to experience it. 

Part of him contemplated not going to class at all. It would be easier to explain an absence the next day than risk the potential humiliation that came with walking in in the middle of class, and everyone’s eyes would turn to him with judgment, and he would be asked to explain why he was late, with everyone listening and… Evan took a shaky breath in and out, trying to calm down. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone to check the time. He was only about fifteen minutes late. Maybe the teacher hadn’t really gotten started yet. He glanced back at the classroom that Connor had gone into a moment prior. He wished it was second period so the two of them could have walked in together. He looked back at his own classroom door anxiously. 

He rationalized that this was one of the classes that he had an assignment due in, and as long as he turned that in, he was sure his teacher would be less upset. Evan hastily took his backpack off one shoulder and rotated it so he could access it to get out his homework. He would have it in hand when he walked in. With another deep breath in and out, Evan opened the door. The teacher had already started the lecture and looked up from the whiteboard. Evan could feel every eye in the room on him but he tried to focus on his teacher instead. 

“Mr. Hansen, why are you late to my class?” she asked, raising her eyebrow at him and frowning. 

Evan swallowed. He hadn’t thought of what he would say as an excuse. “Th-there was a, I-I had to, I-I didn’t mean to—” Evan stumbled over his words. He heard a couple of people in the class giggle quietly. 

His teacher sighed. “Just take your seat, Mr. Hansen, and don’t disrupt my class further,” she replied sternly before turning her attention back to the board. 

Evan nodded. “S-sorry,” he said in a soft voice and quickly took his seat, placing his assignment on his desk. He had forgotten to place it on her desk due to his nerves. He stayed frozen for a few moments, watching the teacher but not absorbing any of her words. Eventually, once his heart rate reached a normal speed, he pulled his notebook out of his backpack. 

Evan turned in the assignment when class was over, along with a few others, which relieved him since he wasn’t the only one who waited until the end to do so. He felt a little lighter knowing that Connor would be in his next class, even though he still felt nervous about his current relationship with Connor in general. Connor had said everything was fine, but he wasn't acting like himself. Evan hoped he would get the chance to make further amends if Connor chose to have lunch with him today. When Connor walked into the second period classroom at the last moment, as usual, Evan looked up at him with a hopeful smile and earned Connor’s smile in return before he went to his seat. Evan turned back forward and felt his heartbeat speed up from the adrenaline of it all. Connor still seemed fine. That was a good sign. But he would hopefully find out more at lunch. 

The next two periods seemed to go by slower than normal. Evan found it difficult to focus as he waited for he and Connor’s potential meeting at lunch. Evan knew he needed to make things right, to prove to Connor that he was really his friend, for no reason to do with Zoe. He just hoped that Connor would give him that chance. 

Wanting as much time as possible, Evan rushed out of his fourth period to be one of the first in line for lunch. He grabbed one of the already pre-made sandwiches and quickly made his way to the computer lab at he and Connor’s normal table by the printers. Evan tugged on and fidgeted with the hem of his shirt while he watched the pathway in front of him, anxiously awaiting Connor’s arrival. When Connor finally came into view a few minutes later, Evan felt relief wash over him briefly before the nerves came right back. 

“I d-didn’t know if you were going to come,” Evan said, smiling nervously as Connor took a seat beside him. Connor seemed calm and normal. It was off-putting to Evan who expected him to still be angry. 

“Yeah, we’ve been meeting here every day. Why wouldn’t I?” Connor responded casually, grabbing his lunch out of his backpack. 

Evan exhaled a nervous laugh before he swallowed, still staring at Connor as his smile faded from his growing anxiety. “C-Connor, I…” Evan began. “I-I’m really sorry for not telling you about Zoe…” 

Connor winced and looked slightly irritated. He avoided looking at Evan. “Whatever. It’s fine,” he said nonchalantly. 

Evan shook his head. “I-I should’ve told you,” he admitted, fidgeting more with the hem of his shirt. He kept his gaze set on Connor anxiously, studying his expressions. 

Connor shrugged slightly and looked down at his food. “Well, I know now so… yeah,” he replied dismissively. He seemed uncomfortable with the topic and like he wanted to drop it. 

Evan was sure Connor didn’t want to talk about Zoe. Neither did Evan. But Evan wasn’t convinced that Connor truly knew how much he meant to Evan - Connor, his friend, not Zoe’s brother. 

“I-I just…” Evan started, searching for the words. In his desperation to prove his point he started rambling whatever came to mind. “Y-you're my friend, and it’s not because of her. W-we have fun together and I like that you walk with me to school and talk to me and I really like spending time with you and I—“

“Oh my God, stop!” Connor interrupted, covering his face with his hands. 

Evan fought the urge to keep talking, confused by Connor’s outburst. Did he still not believe Evan? “B-but I really do, Connor, I-I—”

“I get it!” Connor said abruptly, uncovering his face and finally looking at Evan. He looked distressed, even a little embarrassed. “You’re friends with me, not because of her. I get it,” he repeated with a huff, finally looking away. 

Evan continued to stare. Connor said he got it, but he seemed upset again. Evan wanted to be truly sure, but he also didn’t want to make things worse. “O-okay,” he agreed hesitantly. 

Connor glanced back at Evan but averted his gaze just as quickly once they made eye contact. “Can we just… eat lunch?” he asked almost desperately. 

Evan nodded slowly and finally looked away at the forgotten sandwich in front of him. His anxiety had almost all but taken his appetite away. 

After another moment, Evan heard Connor sigh and glanced back at him. “I seriously believe you, okay? Everything is fine. We are fine. Okay?” Connor assured, sounding a bit exasperated, but there was a softness in his eyes. 

Evan smiled softly and nodded. “Okay,” he agreed. 

Connor leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling before sighing again, sounding relieved. He looked back at Evan and smiled. “Good.”

Thankfully for Connor, the two of them finished their lunch without any more of Evan’s anxious ramblings about the sanctity of their friendship. They went their separate ways when the bell rang and didn’t see one another again until school was over. Connor found Evan once he exited the school building, as he always seemed to. 

Evan smiled at Connor when he approached, grateful for every bit of normalcy that Connor displayed after the day’s events. “Is it… still ok if I come over?” Evan asked hesitantly. 

“Yeah, my parents didn’t change their mind or anything,” Connor replied with a hint of sarcasm. He seemed to want to forget about everything that happened earlier today by not even acknowledging it. 

“Okay,” Evan agreed with a nod and a soft smile. 

As the two walked, still utilizing the longer alternate route that Connor took to avoid Zoe, Evan and he discussed what they had for homework. This time they each had an assignment in one class they both had, and one class the other wasn’t taking. They agreed they would collaborate on the shared assignment and continue working separately on their other assignment, still while at Connor’s home, essentially to maximize their time together and present both Evan and Connor in a positive light to his parents. 

When they made it to the house, they were immediately greeted by Cynthia, who was in the kitchen, surrounded by a cookbook, some bakeware, and ingredients. 

“Evan, it’s nice to see you again,” Cynthia said, stepping away from what she was doing as the two of them settled inside. She gave Evan a sweet smile. 

Evan nodded and gave her a soft but nervous smile. “Y-you, too,” he agreed. 

Her gaze hardened slightly as she looked at Connor. “Remember our agreement, Connor,” she stated. 

“I know, work in the dining room. I remember,” Connor responded. He scoffed and looked at Evan. “Can’t believe we have to prove we’re doing homework,” he said with false offense. 

Evan smiled a bit more at their shared joke. 

Cynthia raised her eyebrow with a frown before her expression softened again. She looked at Evan as he and Connor moved to the dining room and began retrieving their school supplies from their backpacks. “Evan, I assume you’re staying for dinner?” she asked. 

Evan looked up at her as he set his binder on the table. He glanced at Connor as if seeing if this was alright. Connor merely shrugged. He looked back at Cynthia. “Oh, um, sure. Th-thank you,” he responded. 

“I’m making gluten-free lasagna,” Cynthia stated with a proud and excited smile. 

Evan’s eyes widened. He remembered Cynthia making the same thing one of the first times Evan came over in his alternate timeline. It was just after Connor had passed away and he was just getting to know the Murphy’s. It reminded him again just how much things could be so different yet still have so many parallels. “Wow, th-that’s—” Evan began. 

“Disgusting, I know,” Connor interrupted, pretending to gag. 

“Connor!” Cynthia scolded. 

“I’m only saying it because I know he won’t,” Connor teased, sitting down and giving his mom a challenging look. 

Evan felt his cheeks getting warm from embarrassment. He didn’t want to make a bad impression with Cynthia, but he also didn’t want to aggravate Connor by disagreeing with him. 

“Well, I think it tastes wonderful,” Cynthia defended. “And you know we aren’t eating any animal products in this house,” she continued. 

Connor sighed. “Yeah, you wouldn’t let that happen, would you?” He rolled his eyes. 

Evan glanced at Connor with confusion and concern. The two of them had ordered pizza while Larry and Cynthia were away just a few days prior. Evan hadn’t realized that that wasn’t supposed to happen. It was something he and his mom did so often it didn’t seem out of the ordinary to Evan at all at the time. 

“Do your homework, Connor,” Cynthia demanded, seeming to give up on the argument for now. She returned back to the counter to continue her preparation for dinner. 

The two worked on their assignments for the next two hours. Upon completion, Connor asked if they could go up to his room, since all of their homework was indeed finished. Cynthia reluctantly obliged, under the agreement that they would come back down when dinner was finished. 

Just as Connor and Evan made it upstairs, Zoe emerged from her room, heading towards them. They all paused. Evan made eye contact with Zoe. She looked like she wondered why Evan was there. Evan stared back at her anxiously, feeling his nerves returning both from his past with Zoe and what had just transpired earlier that day between him and Connor. Evan quickly looked over at Connor to gauge how he was reacting to the situation. He met Connor’s eyes for a moment before Connor looked back at Zoe with fury, shoved her out of his path then walked past her to his room. 

Zoe stumbled back but caught herself before she fell. “Hey, what the hell was that for?” Zoe yelled after him, turning toward his open doorway. 

“Go to hell!” Connor yelled back from inside. 

Zoe groaned in frustration and looked back at Evan incredulously like she couldn’t believe that he and Connor were friends. 

All Evan could feel was guilt. He had caused this rift between Zoe and Connor, one that arguably already existed but was certainly not made better by today’s events. Evan merely gave Zoe an apologetic look before he bowed his head and followed Connor into his room. He slowly shut the door behind him, not sure what he would be facing with Connor now that it was just the two of them. 

Connor roughly tossed his messenger bag to the floor. He stomped toward his bed and kicked something on the ground on the way. 

Evan started trembling. Connor was furious. “U-um, Connor?” Evan started softly, keeping a safe distance standing in front of the closed door. 

“I can’t believe you have a fucking crush on my sister!” Connor spat in a harsh whisper, not looking at Evan. He started pacing back and forth, evidently too angry to be still. 

Evan swallowed. “I-I don’t… a-anymore, I mean…” he stuttered in response. 

“But of course you fucking did. Cuz she’s so fucking perfect,” Connor continued ranting, barely acknowledging Evan had spoken. 

Evan began wringing his hands together, unsure what to say to calm Connor down. 

“It’s always about her,” Connor continued and scoffed. “Why should this be any different?” Connor walked over to his bed and sat down, staring at the floor. 

Evan immediately took a step toward him before he hesitated, not sure if Connor wanted him nearby. He instead stood facing Connor, continuing to wring his hands nervously. “I’m sorry,” he said softly after a long pause. 

Connor groaned and glared at Evan. “I’m fucking tired of you apologizing!” he exclaimed, louder than his previous volume. 

Evan lowered his head. “I-I know… I j-just…” he began, desperately wanting to apologize again but knowing it would make Connor angrier if he did. 

Connor shook his head and looked back down. He let out a short, dark laugh. “When Jared first started talking, I actually thought…” he started before he scoffed. “What a fucking joke.” 

Evan looked back at Connor and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Wh-what do you mean?” he asked curiously, his voice shaky. 

Connor looked up at Evan with a nervous expression. It only lasted a moment before the scowl returned and he looked away. “It doesn’t fucking matter,” Connor said spitefully, sounding a little sad. It confused Evan even more. 

Evan hesitantly took another few steps forward, stopping when he was standing beside where Connor was sitting. He paused before he sat next to him, a few inches away. “I sh-should’ve told you before Jared did. I-I’m s— I-I mean, i-it’s m-my fault,” Evan explained apologetically, looking at Connor. 

Connor shook his head again and glared ahead. “I’m just so fucking tired of her getting everything,” he explained, frowning. 

Evan furrowed his eyebrows, confused once again at Connor’s choice of words. What did he mean? What was Zoe “getting” in this situation? “B-but I’m _your_ friend…” Evan tried, unsure if this would be the answer Connor was looking for. 

Connor chuckled darkly. “Only because you gave up on being hers, right?” he asked. Evan could hear the hurt behind his words. 

Evan struggled to find the right thing to say. Evan guessed that Connor wanted to be someone’s first choice, Evan's first choice. Evan couldn’t pretend like Zoe was never his interest but… even over the course of the one week they’d known each other, he felt like he and Connor knew each other more than he and Zoe ever had. Evan was initially too nervous to even speak to Zoe and, while Evan knew a lot about her from observing her from afar, it wasn’t the same as really knowing her. When he and Zoe had finally started dating, Evan was always trying to keep her interested by talking about his false friendship with Connor, and the Connor Project. Evan actually felt… comfortable to be himself around Connor. Well, save for moments like these when he was scared of what Connor may do in his anger outbursts. Evan valued the relationship he had with Connor more than words could say. But, for Connor’s sake he had to try. 

“I-I’d much rather be friends with you,” Evan said hopefully, smiling nervously at Connor as he finally looked back at him. 

Connor merely gave him a disbelieving look but didn’t respond or turn his gaze away. 

“I-I never really knew Zoe… l-like I know you,” Evan continued honestly, glancing down from nerves. 

When Evan continued to be met by silence, he looked back up at Connor and met his gaze. Connor still looked unconvinced but attentive, like he was willing to hear more of what Evan had to say. 

“I-I really like you, Connor,” Evan continued, feeling his cheeks get warm from saying something so bold and personal with Connor’s full attention on him. 

Connor’s eyes widened for a moment before he looked down. “Jesus…” he said under his breath. 

“S-Sorry…” Evan said, looking down in embarrassment. “S-Sorry, I know you h-hate it when I say that…” He gripped his hands into fists on top of his legs and shut his eyes. He had made things weird and then made it even worse by apologizing. 

“It’s fine…” Connor responded in a much softer voice than he had been using prior. 

Evan looked back at him and saw he was still looking down. “I-I sh-should go…” he said, quickly standing up. 

Connor looked up at him with a neutral expression. “You aren’t going to stay for my mom’s nasty lasagna?” he asked, his lips slowly forming a smile. 

Evan stared at him wide-eyed. “I-I just thought…” He glanced down, biting his lip before he spoke again. “Y-you would want me to leave…” he continued in a soft voice. 

Connor stood up slowly. Evan watched him reach his hand out toward Evan and open and close it a few times, almost as if he wasn’t sure what to do with it. Connor finally sighed and placed his hand by his side. “No, I don’t want you to leave,” he stated in a low but serious voice. 

Evan glanced up at him and they stared into each other’s eyes in silence for a moment before Connor glanced away. “I’ve just… never had someone say that to me before…” he explained. He glanced back at Evan with a half-smile. 

Evan returned the smile. “S-sorry if it was weird…” he said. 

“Hey, no sorry, right?” Connor reminded, smiling a bit more. 

Evan chuckled, lowering his head with a smile. “Right,” he agreed. 

Evan could see from his downcast eyes how Connor’s hand once again fidgeted by his side. It was intriguing to Evan who had barely ever seen Connor seem so nervous or unsure of himself before. Evan glanced back at Connor and saw him looking down and like he was struggling to say something. 

“I… like you, too,” Connor finally said in a soft voice. He immediately let out a short laugh. “Fuck, that’s so weird to say,” he added, shaking his head. 

Evan could feel his heart racing. His face felt warm. His whole body felt warm. What was he feeling? It seemed like he was nervous but even more than that he was inexplicably happy. No one had ever told Evan those words either. He could feel something bubbling inside of him, ready to burst. He wasn’t sure what would happen if and when it did. 

Connor glanced back at Evan wearing a concerned expression since Evan didn’t say anything back. He studied Evan’s expression for a bit. Evan wasn’t sure what his face looked like, but whatever emotions it was showing were comforting to Connor whose expression relaxed into a soft smile. 

Evan felt his hand moving before he consciously realized it, like it was acting on its own. He reached it out in front of him toward Connor, suddenly longing to touch him, whether to hug him or calm his fidgeting hand by taking it in his, Evan wasn’t sure. All the while the two of them continued to look in each other’s eyes expectantly. 

A knock at the door caused them both to jump. Evan’s hand immediately dropped by his side and he turned his head toward the door. 

“Dinner’s ready!” Cynthia called out. Evan could hear her footsteps growing quieter as she walked away. 

Evan exhaled. It came out sounding like a laugh due to his nerves. He almost forgot where they were. He was completely entranced by Connor in that moment. And whatever that feeling was… He turned his head back to Connor and was a bit surprised to see him already staring at Evan. 

Connor and he maintained eye contact for another couple of seconds before Connor looked toward the door with a grin and took a step toward it. “Come on. If we keep my mom waiting longer she’ll ban you from the house,” he said jokingly. 

Evan smiled and nodded, following Connor out the door. 

As they stepped into the hallway, Zoe was once again in their pathway, appearing to be on her way to dinner as well. She immediately glared at Connor and stood her ground defensively. 

Connor frowned at her, but it lacked the rage from before. He glanced down slightly. “Sorry,” he said simply before turning toward the stairs and continuing walking. 

Evan gaped at Connor in shock. He turned to look at Zoe with wide eyes and saw her equally surprised. Evidently, Connor had never apologized to her before. She looked back at Evan and her expression shifted like she was studying him. Evan wasn’t sure what she was trying to figure out but it made him nervous to be under her observation. He attempted to smile politely but it may have come across more like a grimace. He turned away and quickly followed after Connor down the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Connor doesn’t know how to handle his feelings but he certainly has a lot of them! Dinner scene to be continued in the next chapter. These are coming out slower because like Evan and Connor I actually have a lot of homework haha. Next chapter is already started though!


	11. Realization

Connor reached the dining room before Evan. He sat down at the table beside an empty seat Evan assumed was intended for him.

As Evan approached the table he noticed Larry sitting down at the head of it, right beside the empty seat. He must have come home from work while Evan and Connor were in his room. Cynthia sat across from him on the other side of Connor. The table was set and the food already served on everyone’s plates equally. 

Larry looked up as Connor entered the dining room. Upon seeing Evan behind him, Larry frowned. “What is he doing here? It’s a school night,” he asked, accusingly. 

Evan froze at the doorway to the room. 

“He came over to help Connor with his homework,” Cynthia responded in a soft voice, looking back at Evan with an encouraging smile. 

Larry scoffed and turned his attention to Cynthia with an incredulous look. “That’s what they told you they were doing? And you really believed them?” 

“They did so downstairs, like we asked them,” Cynthia reminded sternly, looking back at Larry with a hard frown. 

Zoe walked past Evan to the spot across from Connor at the table and sat down, leaving Evan as the only one standing awkwardly at the entrance. Evan looked over at Connor to see him grimacing with his arms folded. He was leaning back in his seat and staring at the table. He seemed annoyed, but not too phased, like this type of arguing between Larry and Cynthia regarding him was not appreciated, but expected. 

Larry seemed like he was caught a little off guard by Cynthia’s words, but kept his hard composure. “And, what, they actually finished it all?” he continued, still with an air of judgment and disbelief. 

“Yes, Larry,” Cynthia said under her breath sharply. She turned back to Evan with a kind expression. “And I invited Evan to stay for dinner. Come, take a seat, Evan,” she offered. 

Evan smiled nervously at her. He glanced at Larry briefly before turning his attention to the open seat beside Connor. He quickly walked toward it and sat down, careful to avoid looking at anyone directly. 

Larry, not able to let go of the grudge he was holding, continued. “So, what did the school have to say about Connor today?” he asked Cynthia, sounding cocky. 

Cynthia let out a short, frustrated breath. She didn’t seem to like Larry’s desire to discuss this while Evan was over. “They said Connor attended all of his classes and turned in his assignments,” Cynthia responded with a proud smile. “He was just a little late to his first class,” she added, rather dismissively. 

Larry turned and glared at Connor. “And why were you late to your first class?” he barked. 

Evan, previously staring at the table to avoid eye contact with anyone, glanced over at Connor, unsure how he would answer that. 

Connor leaned his head back so he was looking up at the ceiling with an exasperated expression before he turned his head toward his dad with a condescending grin. “I got lost,” he responded. 

“You got lost? What type of bullshit excuse is that?” Larry raised his voice. 

“Please…” Cynthia said briskly, glaring at Larry. 

“Couldn’t find my classroom,” Connor continued, still looking smug. 

“I bet I can guess why you were really late,” Larry bit back. 

“Wow, then why did you even bother asking me?” Connor asked, sarcastically with an exaggerated shrug. 

“The point,” Cynthia interjected loud enough to stop Connor and Larry from arguing anymore. “Is that Connor did what we asked him to. Thank you, Connor,” she said, smiling at him. 

“Thanks, mom,” Connor responded, giving her an enthused thumbs up before he went back to crossing his arms with a frown. 

Larry seemed to consider everything. His shoulders slumped and his body appeared less tense. “I guess this is an improvement from usual,” he began begrudgingly, though in a calmer tone. His attention turned to Evan with interest. “Evan, huh?”

Evan felt his heartbeat speeding up now that the attention was back on him. “Um, y-yes,” he responded, looking back at Larry with wide eyes. 

Larry looked down at Evan’s arms on his lap. “What happened to your arm?” He asked, apparently noticing Evan’s cast for the first time. 

Evan looked down at his arms, forgetting briefly that he even had a cast. “Oh, u-um, I, I fell,” he responded, quickly looking back at Larry. 

Larry chuckled. “You fell? Were you playing football or something?” 

Connor snorted and Evan glanced at him to see him grinning like he thought the idea of that was hilarious. It made Evan a little calmer and he smiled in response before looking back at Larry. He shook his head. “No, I f-fell out of a tree.”

Larry looked pensive. “A tree, huh? Not much into sports then, are you?” he asked. 

Evan shook his head again. “N-not really,” he responded with a slight shrug. 

“I guess you and Connor have that in common. Connor never was interested in trying out for sports,” Larry responded as if Connor wasn’t even there. 

“Are we really doing this right now, dad?” Connor asked, his grin forced and less genuine now. 

“I’m just saying. I played baseball when I was in high school,” Larry explained. “What about your dad, Evan?”

Evan felt his nerves returning. “O-oh, um. H-he didn’t play much either,” Evan responded, turning his gaze back to his lap. 

“Guess it can’t be helped then,” Larry continued. After a brief pause, “You got plans for after school, Evan? You going to college?” 

Evan heard Connor sigh and looked at him briefly before turning his attention back to Larry. “Um, yes. I-I’d like to,” he answered with a nod. He found it hard to look Larry in the eyes. He wasn’t sure why Larry was so interested in knowing these details about Evan. Circumstances were wildly different now than they were when Evan first met Larry in his alternate timeline. 

“He’s going to college. You hear that, Connor?” Larry goaded, looking at Connor now. 

Connor gave him a condescending smile. “I think we all did, dad,” he replied, sounding irritated. 

“Can we just eat dinner?” Zoe finally spoke up, causing everyone to look at her. She looked exasperated and annoyed. 

“Yes!” Cynthia chimed in as she clapped her hands together. “I’m excited for everyone to try this!” She appeared grateful for the focus to be back on her meal rather than Connor and Evan. She motioned toward everyone’s plates which all contained a full portion of lasagna and bread already. 

The five of them ate their dinner, which in Evan’s opinion was not disgusting at all, like Connor had stated earlier that it would be. There were a only few more comments from Larry, seemingly at Connor’s expense, about how maybe Evan could motivate Connor to want to go to college. Evan wondered how often this conversation about higher education had come up prior to he and Connor being friends. 

When dinner was over, Cynthia all but made it clear, politely, that Evan had to leave, since it was a school night. Evan grabbed his backpack, which he had left downstairs after he and Connor finished their homework, and Connor walked with him to the door. Unlike the last time Evan had been over, Connor actually followed Evan outside and closed the door behind them. The two of them stood on the doorstep preparing to say their goodbyes. 

“Thank you for having me over,” Evan said, more out of habit. He smiled at Connor. He felt his mind wander back to how their conversation ended prior to dinner, now that it was just the two of them. So much had happened, so much that Evan would have to fully process later, but for right now he was just grateful that he and Connor had come to some sort of resolution and were still friends. 

“Yeah,” Connor responded. His expression was hard to read. He seemed a little irritated, a little nervous, and eventually a little mischievous. “Maybe my parents will finally trust me enough to let me come over to your house next time. So we don’t have to deal with _that_.” He shook his head. 

Evan laughed softly. He didn’t mind being at Connor’s house, even despite the evident constant hostility, but he was sure Connor would prefer to not be there. “That would be nice,” Evan replied, feeling warm. Despite the fact that Connor had many times proven he enjoyed Evan’s company, it still made him happy whenever Connor expressed wanting to spend time with him in the future. 

“Anyway,” Connor continued, and his apparent nervousness briefly overshadowed his other emotions. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye.” He leaned forward and hugged Evan.

Evan temporarily forgot how to breathe. His eyes widened and he froze from the shock. After a moment of realization, he lifted his arms and returned the hug quickly. 

When Connor released the embrace and took a step back, Evan still wore the same shocked expression as he stared at him. Connor seemed even more nervous than before but quickly masked it with a confident grin. “You always seem to want to hug me,” he teased. “I figured I would do it first this time.” 

Oh. That made sense, Evan reasoned. He smiled. “Oh. Thanks,” he said, amusement clear in his tone. “Well, bye, Connor.” Evan lifted his hand and waved then took a step away from the door. 

“Later,” Connor said, raising his hand with a lazy wave. He opened the door and went back inside. 

——

Evan returned to an empty home, which was normal for a Monday evening. Evan noticed that his mom had left a note for him letting him know there were leftovers in the fridge for him for dinner. She evidently hadn’t expected Evan to stay late enough to eat at Connor’s home, even though Evan told her he would be there after school. But in all fairness, Evan hadn’t expected to stay for dinner either. 

Evan made his way upstairs, showered, and organized his backpack and school supplies for the next day. He once again began to reflect on what had transpired just a few hours prior. Connor… Connor really liked Evan. It was so foreign to Evan - having someone like him who wasn’t obligated to, like Jared or, in a way, his mom. And he and Connor were genuine friends, even despite the fight they had had earlier that day. Would that constitute as a fight? Evan wasn’t really sure. He hadn’t had a real friend before to really know how that worked. 

And Connor had hugged him! It surprised Evan but it was not unwelcome at all. Evan found himself wanting physical contact with Connor often, whether to comfort him or convey what he was feeling in a way his words couldn’t. He was glad that Connor seemed to be comfortable with this as well now. 

Connor and Evan messaged a few times before Evan went to sleep. Connor had asked his parents if he had proven himself enough to go to Evan’s, or at the very least not have to do his homework in the dining room in the future if Evan were to come over to do homework again. His parents weren’t fully convinced but were considering it, which was still something to look forward to for the future. Connor expressed his resentment in having to comply with his parents’ wishes, considering to him how extreme he thought they were, but that he hoped it would pay off in the end. 

The next morning, Evan saw a note from his mom, who got home after he had gone to sleep but had already left for work by the time Evan got up, letting him know that she would be driving him to therapy that day after school - and that she really meant it this time. Evan made sure to pack his therapy letter in his backpack before he left. 

Connor was outside waiting for him as usual. Evan felt the warmth returning again at the sight of him. As the two walked to school, Evan noticed how Connor stood closer to him as usual. Or at least, it seemed like he did. Their shoulders occasionally made contact and Evan could swear Connor tried to hold his hand once or twice. Or maybe their hands just collided by accident due to how close they were walking? Evan couldn’t be sure. As soon as the backs of their hands touched, Evan would look down and see Connor’s hands already in his pockets as if Evan had imagined the whole thing. 

They went their separate ways when they entered the school building and didn’t see each other until briefly at the beginning of second period when they exchanged their routine smiles before Connor took his seat at the back of the classroom. 

When it was time for lunch, Evan walked out of his fourth period classroom toward the cafeteria and stopped when he heard someone call out to him. 

“Hey, Evan?” came an all too familiar voice. 

Evan turned toward the source and saw Zoe, looking at him curiously. “Zoe?” he exclaimed, surprised before immediately stumbling over his words. “I-I mean, y-you’re Zoe, right? I think? I can’t seem to remember. Have we met?” He avoided looking into her eyes and kept moving his hands into different positions to find one that felt and looked natural - crossing his arms, putting his hands in his pockets, rubbing the back of his neck, before finally settling them stiffly at his sides. He could feel his palms sweating from nerves. This was the first time he’d seen Zoe by himself and without Connor since his alternate timeline. 

“Yeah,” Zoe responded, smiling and looking amused. “I’m Connor’s sister?” 

Evan finally looked at her and put on a show to act like he was finally remembering her. “Oh! R-right. Um, what’s up?” he asked, in what he hoped to be a casual way. 

“I just wanted to ask you something,” Zoe began, her smile fading into a more serious expression. 

Ask him something? What could the Zoe Murphy of this timeline possibly need to ask Evan? “Um, sure. Of course. Whatever you need to ask. I’m sure I can answer it. No problem,” he responded, unable to stop himself once he started. He once again avoided making eye contact. 

Zoe giggled. “Okay,” she said before her smile faltered once again. “I was just wondering. Last night, did you and Connor… talk about me?” she asked. 

Evan nearly choked. Had Zoe heard their conversation? Evan knew Connor had been upset but Evan thought Connor was speaking in a low enough volume to where no one outside his room would’ve been able to hear them. “U-um, no. Why would we—, th-that would be super weird if we—, we definitely did not talk about you at all. Nope,” Evan explained nervously, shaking his head. 

Zoe merely looked at him for a moment, her expression doubtful. “Did you tell him to apologize to me?” she pressed. 

Well, that wasn’t what Evan had expected. “Wh-why would you think that?” he questioned genuinely. He finally found himself able to look her in the eyes again. 

“Just because right after you two walked out of his room he said ‘sorry.’ He _never_ does that,” she said, insistently. “I just thought maybe you said something.”

Evan stared at Zoe in disbelief. So that really was the first time Connor apologized to Zoe for something he had done. Evan had his suspicions based on what Zoe had told him in their alternate timeline, but still. It was surprising for both of them. But Evan absolutely had not been the reason it had happened. Evan shook his head slowly, still processing this discovery. “I-I didn’t,” he said, honestly. 

Zoe studied him in silence for a few moments before conceding like she believed Evan’s words. “I guess not,” she agreed, somewhat reluctantly. 

Evan, grateful for the possible end to this awkward and nerve-wracking conversation, gave Zoe a half-smile. “Well, we should probably— _I_ should probably— l-lunch, you know?” Evan began, lifting his hand to point behind him toward the cafeteria with his thumb as he took a step back. 

Zoe didn’t move and continued to look at Evan like she was trying to figure him out. “What exactly is going on with you and my brother?” she asked, not even acknowledging Evan’s attempt at a farewell. 

“Um, what?” Evan asked, feeling his heart start racing. What did Zoe mean by that? Hadn’t Connor and he already told Zoe they were friends?

“I get that you’re _friends_ or whatever,” she said, saying the word ‘friends’ dismissively, as if there had to be more. “It’s just…” she paused and looked up like she was figuring out what to say. She looked back at Evan. “My dad hasn’t stopped talking about you since last night. He keeps saying how he’s sure you’re the reason Connor stopped skipping school. And that he’s sure you’ll convince Connor to go to college. Honestly, it’s really annoying. They already won’t stop talking about him, but now it’s him _and_ you.”

Evan stared at Zoe with wide eyes, hardly able to believe her words. Had Evan really made that much of an impact with their parents? Just from doing homework at their house? Evan wasn’t used to being a topic anyone wanted to talk about, well, at least before anything Connor-related in his alternate timeline. 

“It just seems weird, you know?” Zoe continued, met with Evan’s silence. “Like, why are you even friends with Connor anyway? I still don’t get it.” 

Evan felt a bit of defensiveness on Connor’s behalf welling up inside of him. “B-because I like Connor and we have fun together,” he replied with a frown. 

Zoe raised an eyebrow at him. “You like Connor and so you’re friends? That’s it?” she asked, sounding doubtful. 

“Wh-what other reason would there be?” Evan questioned, a little defiance in his voice despite his nerves. 

Zoe shrugged after a pause. “I was just wondering if there was anything else to it,” she said. 

Anything else? What else would there be? 

“Anyway, sorry to bother you. See you, Evan,” Zoe continued, smiling slightly at him before she walked down the hallway past him.

Evan turned toward her and watched her walk away. That was… certainly unexpected. He was still reeling not just over the fact that Zoe had gone out of her way to speak to him, but the information she had shared with him as well. Zoe thought Evan was the reason Connor apologized to her. Their dad thought Evan was the reason Connor wasn’t ditching school anymore. It was all so surreal. 

A few people brushing past Evan on their way to the cafeteria brought him to his senses. He still needed to buy lunch. And see Connor. Evan hastily continued his journey to the cafeteria, grabbed something to eat, then traveled to the computer lab. By the time he arrived, Connor was already sitting at their normal table, waiting for him. 

“Where were you?” Connor questioned as Evan took a seat beside him. He didn’t seem upset, more just curious. 

“S-sorry I was…” Evan paused, staring at the table as he processed what had just happened fully. “Talking to Zoe.” 

“Talking to Zoe?” Connor repeated. Evan turned to see his expression slowly switch from confusion to irritation. 

“Sh-she talked to me,” Evan clarified, hastily, feeling his heartbeat racing. 

“Why?” Connor asked, frowning at him. 

“I… don’t know…” Evan responded honestly, looking down again. 

“Seriously?” Connor began, like he was upset that Evan was not being forthcoming with him again. 

Evan shook his head and looked back at Connor. “Sh-she wanted to know if I told you to apologize to her,” he added.

Connor leaned his head back away from Evan and looked surprised, yet still irritated. “What? Why?” he questioned. 

Evan shrugged. “I really don’t know,” he answered. 

“What the fuck? She really thinks you told me to do it?” Connor said with a scoff. He started speaking very quickly and expressively, looking up and around as he did so. “That’s so stupid. I did it because I wanted to. Because I figured she didn’t deserve for me to push her earlier since you told me you…” Connor paused his ranting and made eye contact with Evan briefly before he looked away. He cleared his throat, seeming embarrassed. “Well, whatever. She’s stupid.” 

Evan watched Connor in silence for a few beats, not sure if he had anything else to say. Evan felt like he was seeing a whole new side to Connor after yesterday. Really, as soon as they both said that they liked one another. Maybe Connor was being cautious around Evan before but now felt safe to be more himself? It was really… endearing, and interesting to get to see more of who Connor really was. Evan felt himself smiling at Connor fondly. “I, um, told her that I didn’t tell you to say it,” Evan explained when he was sure Connor wasn’t going to say anything else. 

“Good,” Connor said spitefully as he looked back at Evan. He seemed momentarily caught off guard by something in Evan’s expression. “What else did you tell her?” he asked, sounding suspicious. 

Evan’s smile faltered. “Wh-what?” he asked. 

“Well, what else did you guys talk about?” Connor continued. He was frowning but he seemed on edge like he was worried about something. 

Evan wasn’t sure what Connor had to be worried about. Evan hadn’t said much of anything at all, as Zoe had done most of the sharing. “Um,” Evan began, looking up as he thought back to his earlier conversation. Zoe had questioned his and Connor’s friendship. And Evan defended Connor. Connor may like to know that. He looked back at Connor with a somewhat confident grin. “I, I told her that I liked you and that we have fun together,” Evan stated. He didn’t feel the need to share that Zoe had previously questioned why the two of them were friends at all. 

Connor’s eyes widened. “Fuck! Why did you tell her that?” he demanded. 

Evan felt himself sinking into his chair. He glanced down to avoid Connor’s intense gaze. “I-I… she, she asked me why we were friends…” he explained, nervously. Oh no. Did Evan do something wrong? 

Connor exhaled. “God,” he said under his breath. Evan hesitantly looked up to see him looking up and running his hand through his hair. He seemed relieved. 

“Is… everything ok?” Evan asked in a soft voice, carefully. 

“Yeah,” Connor said. He shook his head before he looked back at Evan with an amused smile. “I just thought you… well, it’s fine.” 

Evan gave Connor a confused expression. What was Connor so worried about?

The two finally fell into a comfortable conversation about their plans for the rest of the day as they ate their lunches. Evan informed Connor that he would be going with his mom after school to therapy. The two discussed the possibility of meeting at Evan’s the following day, if Connor’s parents would agree by then. The bell to signal the end of lunch seemed to come sooner than usual. Though, to be fair, the first part of their lunch was spent apart due to Zoe and Evan’s unexpected meeting. 

The two said their goodbyes as they headed to their next classes. After school, Evan was mildly surprised to find his mom’s car outside already. She really did keep her word this time. 

“I have a later shift tomorrow. I can take you to school in the morning!” Heidi offered while they drove. “I know it’s been awhile.” 

“That’s ok,” Evan responded, smiling softly. “I’ve been walking to school with Connor.” 

“Connor?” Heidi repeated, sounding surprised. “You see him a lot lately, don’t you?” 

Evan nodded, his cheeks warm from the thought. “I-I do,” he agreed. 

“What about Jared? I don’t hear you talk about him anymore,” Heidi asked. 

Evan’s smile faded and he grimaced a bit as he thought back to the fight Jared had caused between he and Connor the previous morning. “I don’t… talk to him much lately,” Evan explained, staring at the dashboard of the car in front of him. 

“Oh, Evan,” Heidi said, her voice a little sad and laced with pity. “Just because you made a new friend, don’t forget about the friends you already have!” 

“Jared and I… weren’t really friends,” Evan answered honestly. He could hear Jared’s voice in his head saying they were “family friends” and nothing more. 

“Of course you are!” Heidi argued, chuckling. “You guys used to talk and hang out all the time!”

Evan considered that. It was true, but it was only because Evan had no one else. Jared always seemed reluctant to talk to or see Evan anyway, so Evan hardly felt like that alone constituted a friendship. “I guess…” he said passively. 

“You should talk to him,” Heidi pressed as they pulled into the parking lot of the building where Dr. Sherman’s office was. “I’m sure he’d love to hear from you.”

Evan nodded and half-smiled. “Yeah, I’ll do that,” he agreed. Once the car was parked, he unbuckled his seatbelt. 

“Have a good time, honey. I’ll see you when you’re done!” Heidi said as he got out of the car. 

Evan smiled a bit more and waved to her before he walked through the door and checked in for his appointment. As he sat down, waiting to be called, he thought about his mother’s words. 

The situation reminded him a lot of how things were before Evan went back in time. He and Jared, Evan thought, were becoming closer. They spent a lot of time together because Jared helped Evan construct his fake email conversations between he and Connor, and also assisted a lot with the Connor Project with Alana. Evan eventually grew distracted with Zoe and shirked on his duties, causing both Jared and Alana to become very upset with him. He remembered back then that Jared felt like he wasn’t as important to Evan as Zoe, once Zoe and he were dating. 

Evan was… very obsessed with Zoe back then. Long before they had the opportunity to get to know one another. But even once they were in a relationship, Zoe became Evan’s entire focus. Zoe, and her family, consumed Evan’s life. He didn’t have room in his mind to give much thought to Jared or Alana. Even now… Connor had almost taken that place in Evan’s life. Evan’s life was consumed with Connor - talking to him, making plans with him. Was it possible that Jared was feeling left out? 

Evan shook his head, unable to believe that Jared actually cared enough about Evan to be jealous of his friendship with Connor. But, if there was even a chance that was true, Evan wanted to attempt to make things right. Despite all the hardship Jared had caused Evan, and even more so Connor, recently, he was still important to Evan and worth making an effort for. 

—

After therapy, Evan texted Jared to request that they talk via Skype. To Evan’s surprise, Jared agreed to it. Evan opened his laptop and sent Jared a video chat request. He sat on his bed staring at the screen in anticipation, laptop resting on his lap as he waited. With a quiet chime, the screen lit up with Jared’s image as he accepted the video call. 

Evan smiled. “H-hi, Jared,” Evan greeted, lifting his hand to wave at the screen. 

Jared raised an eyebrow and stared at Evan with a frown. “Did you mean to call me?” he asked. 

Evan’s smile faltered. Of course he meant to call Jared. He texted him ahead of time. “Y-yes, I did. Wh-why?” Evan replied, confused. 

Jared smirked and chuckled. “I’m not Connor, you know. Are you sure?” he questioned sarcastically. 

Evan smiled and chuckled forcefully, as if pretending to find Jared’s joke funny. “I-I know. I wanted to talk to you,” Evan assured. 

“What, did Connor break up with you after he heard about you and Zoe?” Jared questioned, tilting his head as if concerned. 

Evan blushed at Jared’s wording choice and shook his head. “N-no, we’re still friends,” he confirmed. 

“Then why do you want to talk to me?” Jared challenged, crossing his arms. His smirk remained on his face. 

“Because we’re still…” Evan started, then paused as he caught himself before Jared could object. “Family friends.” He gave Jared a nervous smile. 

Jared looked at him in disbelief. “Really? I hadn’t noticed,” he said. 

Evan stared at Jared in silence as he processed what he said. Maybe Jared really was jealous of Connor. “I just… wanted to see how you are. H-how was your parents’ barbecue?” Evan asked hopefully, despite his growing anxiety. 

Jared squinted at Evan, studying him. “Why are you doing this?” he asked suspiciously. 

Evan swallowed. “B-because… we’re f-friends…” Evan argued. He shook his head and quickly added “ _family_ friends, I mean. S-so I still c-care about you…” Evan continued, his voice fading out toward the end. He glanced down, feeling his cheeks warm from embarrassment. His heart was beating very fast. He didn’t realize he would have to prove his intentions to Jared. What if Jared rejected him or blew him off?

There was a lull of silence before Jared started laughing. Evan glanced back at him on the screen in confusion. 

“You _care_ about me?” Jared asked between laughter. “Evan, it’s not that serious,” he continued. 

Evan struggled with what to say, his cheeks getting warmer. “I j-just… wanted you to know…” he explained, having a hard time looking at Jared as he continued to laugh on screen. 

“Aww, thanks so much, Evan! I’m _so_ glad you told me!” Jared said in a very condescending tone. 

“Sure…” Evan replied in defeat, staring at his keyboard. 

Jared’s laughs finally quieted down. “My parents wished you were at the barbecue, by the way,” Jared started in a more genuine tone. Evan looked back at him to see him roll his eyes. 

“Y-your parents?” Evan repeated, looking at Jared curiously. 

“Yeah, they did,” Jared confirmed. “But I told them you were too busy with your boyfriend to be there,” he added, smirking and raising his eyebrows suggestively. 

Evan groaned and covered his face. “Of course you did…” he replied. He didn’t miss the way his stomach was filled with butterflies as he processed Jared’s sentence. 

“They hope you’ll be at the next one, though,” Jared continued. “You know, so they can keep paying for my insurance, and everything.” He grinned. 

Evan uncovered his face and looked back at Jared on the screen. Was this Jared’s way of admitting he wished Evan was there? “You can tell them I’ll try to be at the next one,” Evan replied, smiling more genuinely. 

“Well, anyway… did you tell me everything you needed to, Evan?” Jared asked, his condescending tone returning. 

Evan chuckled and nodded. “Yeah, th-that was it,” he confirmed. “Bye, Jared.”

“Bye, loser!” Jared called out with a grin before ending the call. 

Evan closed his laptop and paused before he laughed. He was glad he had taken initiative to talk to Jared. Jared would probably never outright say it, but Evan wanted to believe that Jared truly liked Evan, even if it was just a little. 

Evan opened his phone to his text conversation with Jared. Due to the fact that the two of them hadn’t talked too much lately, the texts from the previous Saturday were still visible. Evan clicked on the selfie that Connor had taken and sent from Evan’s phone in order to prove to Jared that he and Evan were actually spending time together. He laughed a little more as he stared at the photo - Connor’s irritated expression while flipping off the camera contrasted so much to Evan’s nervous expression beside him. Evan subconsciously began to replay Jared’s words in his head from their video call.

_Did Connor break up with you after he heard about you and Zoe?_

_I told them you were too busy with your boyfriend to be there._

Even now, despite the fact that Evan wasn’t lying about being friends with Connor, Jared still had to make jokes about Evan and Connor having some sort of romantic relationship. Back then, Jared convinced Evan that he and Connor’s fake friendship story sounded like a secret gay romance, and tried to add as many innuendos into their fabricated emails as he could. Back then, the idea of being Connor’s boyfriend was something Evan absolutely did not want. Back then, Evan was cross with Jared for even joking about it. But now? Evan didn’t understand why, but he really wasn’t upset at all. It almost… pleased Evan that Jared saw him and Connor in that way. Of course, Jared was joking and not serious. And of course, in reality, nothing of that nature _did_ exist between him and Connor. But… could it? 

Evan laughed again. That was crazy. Maybe not having a crush on Zoe finally after all these years made Evan think he needed to immediately have a crush on someone else. And Connor was the only other person he paid any mind to even be a contender as Evan’s “new crush.” 

But Evan… couldn’t have a crush on Connor. Evan knew how obsessive he got over his crush on Zoe. He couldn’t do that to Connor. It would probably ruin their friendship. Evan didn’t know if he would ever be satisfied being “just friends” with Connor if he admitted he had a crush on him. 

As if his thoughts summoned him, Evan’s phone vibrated with a message from Connor stating that his parents finally agreed to him coming over to Evan’s the next day after school. 

Evan felt his heart skip a beat. Connor would be coming over tomorrow. His mom wouldn’t be home so it would be just the two of them. No interruptions. He felt his face flush as his mind briefly wandered. 

He quickly brought himself back to reality with wide eyes and stared at the open message between him and Connor on his phone. Connor was coming over tomorrow. It would be just he and Connor. No interruptions. And Evan… Evan was nearly positive now… that he had a new crush. 

Oh no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whenever I write stories, I more or less just write whatever the characters tell me they want to do. I had been writing Jared being kind of antagonistic toward Evan and Connor and it almost felt out of character how overboard he was being. Turns out he was lashing out because he was jealous! Who knew? Not me, apparently haha. But I wanted this scene to happen. Evan did a lot of things he regretted but I think it gave him some insight and opportunity to make things right before he made the mistakes again, or at least, recognize the mistakes and learn from them. I want him to be able to make the most out of this second chance he’s been given, not just with Connor!
> 
> Also I LOVE telling this story exclusively from Evan’s POV. You have to rely on the characters’ words and actions and Evan’s interpretations in order to understand how those characters feel. More realizations are likely to occur in the next chapter when Evan and Connor have some one on one time!


	12. The Truth

As Evan and Connor walked to school the following morning, Evan remembered how just the previous day he thought Connor was going to hold his hand while they walked. He had been wrong, of course, but the idea of it was now seared inside his brain. He wanted to hold Connor’s hand. It was such a strange desire to have but it was so strong in him. He subconsciously felt his hand moving closer to Connor’s as they walked. He could feel Connor’s hand ever so lightly brush against his as it swung by his side. Just as soon as the contact occurred, Evan came to his senses. Evan could not hold Connor’s hand. Evan could not have a crush on Connor. Connor was Evan’s friend, and Evan wouldn’t sacrifice that friendship for anything. He subtly adjusted his walking path to be slightly diagonal away from Connor to put some distance between them. There was less risk of accidentally, or purposefully, touching Connor if Connor was harder to reach. He glanced up at Connor to see if he’d noticed. Connor continued to look ahead. He didn’t seem to notice at all. 

Evan had gotten the urge to touch Connor before. Whenever Connor seemed to be sad or in distress, Evan was reaching out to him before he even consciously realized he was doing so. Maybe… he had finally realized why. He didn’t get that same desire toward Jared, though Jared arguably never allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of Evan for him to be able to comfort him. Had… Evan felt this way about Connor for a while? Sure, he had only just discovered his crush last night. But… it might explain some things. Like the way that his body always felt warm wherever Connor touched him - like when Connor leaned against him to look at his phone the first time he came to Evan’s house, and when he had his arm on Evan’s after they playfully pushed each other before school. Like why he brushed Connor’s hair behind his ear. Like why he felt embarrassed initially seeing Connor without a shirt. Like how he caught his eyes lingering on his body longer than what was culturally acceptable for friends to do. Like why he felt nervous sleeping next to Connor when he was only wearing pajama pants.

Now, Evan found himself staring at Connor. Had Connor always been so tall? And Evan had noticed before that Connor and Zoe kind of looked alike, but the way in which they differed was just as appealing to Evan as Zoe once had been. Maybe even more so. Was that possible? Evan stared at Connor’s wide shoulders, much wider than Zoe’s despite his slender body type, and a memory flashed before him of Connor stretching before they went to the park on Saturday. Connor hadn’t been wearing a shirt. Evan could see the full motion of his muscles as he moved. He couldn’t take his eyes away at the time. 

Connor turned his gaze to Evan and Evan quickly looked forward. He could feel his heart racing from a combination of nerves and just from being near Connor in general. 

“Are you ok?” Connor asked, curiously. 

Evan looked back at him, feigning surprise like he wasn’t just gazing at him fondly at him a second earlier. “Huh? Oh. O-of course. Everything is okay,” Evan responded nervously. 

Connor seemed unconvinced. “You seem nervous. Well, more than usual,” he added with a smirk. 

Evan laughed but it sounded forced. “J-just the usual nerves. Nothing wrong here,” he lied. 

Evan saw Connor’s smile fall into a slight frown. 

Even if Evan had something to hide, he couldn’t lie to Connor. He promised he wouldn’t. He swallowed and gave Connor a half-smile. “It’s fine. Really,” he assured, partially for his own sake. And Evan would be fine. He could make this work. 

Connor raised an eyebrow. “If you say so,” he said in a level voice. His lips formed a soft smile. 

Evan felt his heart stop briefly before it fluttered and raced. He turned to look forward again so his expression wouldn’t betray him. This was going to be harder than he thought. 

Evan’s plan for the rest of the day was to keep things normal. Well, keep things normal now knowing that he had to be extra cautious. Extra casual. Extra _normal_. When Connor entered class at the beginning of second period, Evan merely nodded, as Connor sometimes had. And while Connor’s nod was more of a cool and casual greeting, Evan’s nodding was quick and incessant and — okay, maybe nodding three times was too many times. Evan forced himself to look back ahead and tried to ignore the look of confusion on Connor’s face. 

Lunch would prove an extra challenge for Evan. Sitting with Connor alone? Too risky. Evan couldn’t trust himself now that he knew the truth about his feelings. He and Connor had been consistently sitting in the same seats at the empty table beside the printers for over a week now. Evan would just… sit in the seat across from Connor. Sure, Evan was more likely to stare at Connor if he sat across from him instead of next to him, but he trusted himself more to not stare than to not accidentally touch Connor if he kept his distance. 

Evan, as usual, arrived at the computer lab first. He sat in the chair across from his normal one. He placed his lunch on the table and internally reminded himself not to stare when Connor arrived. Evan jumped when he saw the chair next to him move. He hadn’t seen Connor approaching since his back was to the entrance of the computer lab. 

“Switching it up today?” Connor asked, sounding mildly amused as he sat next to Evan. Well, that did not work out at all. 

“U-um, yeah, I just thought, I… I never see this side of the computer lab so, you know, why not today?” Evan rambled, his gaze focusing intently on the wall in front of him as if it was the reason Evan chose to sit facing this direction because it was so interesting. 

Connor didn’t answer right away. Evan wanted to look at him so desperately. He wanted to know if Connor believed him at all or if he could see right through him. What if Connor already knew about Evan’s crush? What if Evan was and had been that obvious the whole time? But of course Connor didn’t know, because if he did, Evan was sure Connor would not want to sit next to him. Or spend any time with Evan ever again. 

“Okay,” Connor finally said. His tone was a mixture of humor and irritation. The latter scared Evan more than the former. He couldn’t pull too far away that Connor and he stopped being friends all together. There had to be a balance. The right formula. How was Evan going to get this right?

“So, um, how, how are you?” Evan asked nervously, chancing a glance at Connor. He had to look at him eventually, right? 

Connor was resting his head on his hand, elbow on the table, and staring at Evan with a frown. “What’s wrong with you?” he asked rather harshly. 

“N-nothing. Nothing’s wrong with me. Is, is something wrong with you?” Evan began, avoiding eye contact with Connor. He couldn’t stop the words from pouring out. “I’m sorry if I— I mean, not _sorry_ , because you said no more sorry — I just meant, I didn’t mean to, like, offend you or anything. I-if I did offend you.” Evan’s voice quieted toward the end as his ramblings finally stopped. He stared down at the table, feeling his heart racing and his palms sweating. He placed them flat on his legs, hoping his jeans would absorb some of the sweat without obviously wiping them. 

Another pause. Evan could see Connor’s body shift from his peripheral vision and he looked up at him. “Whatever,” he said, clearly pissed off. He unwrapped his lunch. 

Evan felt his anxiety spiking. Okay, so he had gotten this _completely_ wrong. “I-I’m sorry, I just, I’m…” Evan paused, trying to think of the right words to say. “I’m… really nervous…” he said honestly, lowering his gaze. 

“I can fucking see that,” Connor responded, icily, not looking back at Evan. “I didn’t realize I made you so fucking uncomfortable.” 

Evan quickly looked back at Connor. He looked angry, yes, but Evan could see the hints of hurt behind his eyes. “No, that’s not, I mean, I’m not nervous because of you, I’m just, nervous because of me and— you don’t make me uncomfortable, d-definitely not, if anything you— I mean, it’s not, I’m sorry,” Evan bowed his head sheepishly. 

Connor set down his sandwich. “Okay, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? You’re not nervous because of me? Then why the fuck are you nervous?” he barked. 

“Because I’m afraid—!” Evan practically yelled immediately before catching himself. He swallowed and started speaking in a much more timid voice. “I’m afraid… I’ll do something wrong… a-and I don’t want to ruin things…” Evan said carefully. None of it was a lie, but, it was also too vague to give Evan’s feelings away. 

“Why the fuck are you suddenly afraid of that?” Connor asked and, despite his harsh word choice, there was some sympathy laced into his tone. 

“I just…” Evan began, searching his mind for the right words. “I… really like being your friend and I don’t want to lose you…” He lifted his gaze up at Connor shyly. 

Evan watched as a range of emotions went over Connor’s face, almost like he didn’t know how to process what Evan just said. He finally settled on a confused frown. “Why do you think you’re going to lose me? I’m right here,” he stated rather matter-of-factly. 

Evan smiled. Connor was right. He was here. He was alive. And Evan couldn’t be more grateful for that, despite his internal struggle regarding his crush on him. “I know,” Evan responded. 

Connor's expression molded into a soft smile. “So… are you going to stop being weird now, or…?” he asked, smiling a bit more. 

Evan stifled laughter and shook his head. “I’ll try,” he replied. 

“Okay,” Connor responded before playfully nudging Evan. Evan leaned into the touch subconsciously. 

The two of them spent the rest of their lunch break with their bodies touching in some way or another - Connor had shifted his legs to face more toward Evan’s and, well, Evan didn’t pull away when their knees made contact. It was okay when Connor initiated the physical contact, right?

Right? 

—-

On the journey to Evan’s house from school, Evan let Connor decide how far apart they would stand. Evan hadn’t accounted for Connor noticing when Evan did something different. No one usually did notice if Evan did something out of the ordinary, or even noticed if Evan did anything at all. When Evan had tried being too cautious, it upset Connor. Evan wouldn’t do that again. But, just to be safe, he kept his hands in his pockets as they walked. 

Evan assumed that the plan for the night was to work on homework. That was what Connor’s parents assumed they were doing, wasn’t it? This was just an alternate location for them to both get their assignments done without interruption. 

After they walked inside, Evan turned to lock the door. When he looked back, Connor was already at the foot of the stairs. 

“Oh,” Evan said aloud, staying still in the entryway. 

Connor stopped and turned back at him with a curious expression. “What’s up?” He asked. 

“Well, I just… I mean, my room isn’t very big, so I just thought, we were going to do homework downstairs,” Evan explained. 

Connor smirked. “Dude, we don’t have to do homework,” he replied in an amused tone. 

“N-no, of course, I mean, your parents aren’t here, but I just thought, that was, I mean, isn’t that why you wanted to come over?” Evan asked. He could feel his anxiety rising. Why else would Connor have wanted to come over? Could he…? No, of course not. They were friends. Maybe Connor wanted to play video games or watch a movie? But Evan had mentally prepared himself for homework. He could handle doing homework with Connor. He could still be normal without doing anything he regretted. But Evan hadn’t prepared himself for… “hanging out.” It was too broad. Too many possibilities for Evan to do something wrong. Evan remembered the first time he and Zoe had “hung out.” He had kissed her and practically ruined everything. 

Connor scoffed. “No, I came over so that we _wouldn’t_ have to do homework. Come on,” he said with a grin and turned back to the stairs. 

Evan swallowed and watched him walk up the stairs before he hesitantly followed. 

When Evan walked into his room, Connor was already sitting on the bed, leaning against the headboard casually. Evan smiled nervously and set down his backpack and took off his shoes before he sat beside him. Evan’s bed was considerably smaller than Connor’s so they sat very close. Evan kept his hands in his lap. 

“We didn’t do much last time I was here. Do you have any video games or anything?” Connor asked, looking ahead at Evan’s shelf in front of them. It had a mixture of books, a small collection of movies, and a handful of XBox games. The television was downstairs as well as the XBox. Evan typically spent most of his time on his laptop anyway. 

“I have some,” Evan replied, his voice a little shaky. “I only have, um, one controller though.” 

Connor nodded. “Maybe we can watch something. We still have to finish our Marvel marathon,” he said, rather animatedly. He looked back at Evan with a grin. “I’m guessing you don’t own any of them, right?” 

Evan shook his head and smiled. “No, I don’t.” 

“Maybe we can download something. Where’s your laptop?” Connor asked. 

“Oh, um, let me get it,” Evan responded. He leaned down and grabbed it from the lower shelf of his nightstand beside him. He opened it on his lap. It booted up right away since he never shut it off the night prior. 

“I’ll get it,” Connor said, reaching for the laptop. He lifted and placed it on his own lap but left his elbow resting on top of Evan’s thigh.

Evan could feel his entire body tense at the contact, willing himself to be still and not react. Heat radiated from Connor’s elbow throughout his whole body. 

Evan barely even registered what Connor was doing until he felt the laptop back on his lap, resting equally between Connor and Evan. Connor shifted his body even closer to Evan’s, which Evan didn’t think was possible, as the screen lit up with the Marvel logo. 

Connor placed his hand on the laptop to switch to full screen and just… left it there, with his entire forearm now resting on top of Evan’s thigh. Connor… had to be doing this on purpose, right? He was testing Evan’s resolve. That had to be it. 

“Hey,” Connor said, causing Evan to be distracted from his internal screaming. 

“What?” Evan asked, looking up at Connor. And… wow, Connor was so close. Connor was so close and on Evan’s bed. And Evan stared at Connor’s lips so long that Connor had to have noticed. He quickly looked back at Connor’s eyes. 

Connor chuckled. “You were just staring off into space. Are you even going to watch the movie?” 

The movie. Yes. That was why they were sitting this close. And why Connor’s arm was on Evan’s thigh. They were watching a movie. What movie were they watching? Evan honestly had no idea. Evan nodded in response to Connor’s inquiry with a forced smile. Once he caught himself staring at Connor’s lips again, he quickly looked back at the screen. And Evan had absolutely no idea what was happening in the movie. Or even what movie. “Um, which one is this?” Evan asked, hoping Connor hadn’t already told him. 

Connor snorted. “It’s Ant-Man. And it’s fucking hilarious,” he replied. 

Evan nodded slowly. A comedy. That was good. It wasn’t like he and Connor were watching a romance or something. He would just keep looking at the screen. 

Every time Evan’s heart rate and body temperature lowered enough for him to focus on the movie, Connor moved in some way that ignited Evan all over again. Connor lifted his hand off of Evan and the laptop to scratch his face briefly. When he lowered it back down, he placed it right back on top of Evan’s thigh. It was barely even on the laptop this time. 

Connor laughed hard at one point which caused his body to vibrate against Evan’s. Evan forced himself to chuckle despite the fact that he missed the joke entirely. Evan had his arms crossed and pulled tight to his body, careful to not touch Connor’s arm on his leg, or touch Connor anywhere else. Connor could touch Evan but Evan could absolutely not touch Connor, he decided. 

This movie was a comedy but it had romance in it. Despite the fact that Evan was barely paying attention, he noticed the scene when the main girl stared at the main guy when his shirt was off. He noticed the times the couple kissed. He could feel his breathing quickening. He subconsciously bit his lip. 

Evan barely registered the movie had ended until he realized the screen was black for a while. Oh, those were the credits. Connor hadn’t said anything. He was probably waiting for Evan to react. “That was really good,” Evan said with a smile, sure that the movie actually was, even though he couldn’t say so with absolute certainty. Connor didn’t respond. Evan looked up at him and found him staring back. Evan initially interpreted his expression as angry. Connor must have figured out that Evan was barely watching. “I-I promise I was trying to pay attention,” Evan confessed, his smile faltering. 

Connor didn’t respond right away. And as Evan studied him more, he realized Connor wasn’t angry. It was something else entirely. Evan couldn’t quite put his finger on what that expression meant, but it made his heart skip a beat. Finally, Connor smirked. “I saw what part you paid attention to,” he said in a low voice. 

“What are you—? I don’t…” Evan started, trying to remember anything from the movie. Maybe Connor meant the time Evan laughed? Evan felt his gaze on Connor’s lips again. Connor was closer now. Oh, no. Evan must have leaned in closer without realizing it. Evan really couldn’t trust himself to—

Connor’s lips were on Evan’s. Evan’s lips were on Connor’s. For a moment, everything stopped and sped up all at once. For a moment, every cell in Evan’s body relaxed and exploded all at once. For a moment, Evan allowed himself to enjoy kissing his best friend. His best friend. Evan’s eyes shot open and he pulled back and stumbled off the bed. He caught himself and stood up, staring at Connor in horror. “I’m sorry. Oh my God I’m so sorry. Oh my God.” 

Connor looked confused and a little hurt. Evan searched his expression for disgust and possibly even anger but found none. “You’re… sorry?” he repeated. 

Evan could feel his body trembling. He finally looked away, unable to bear the guilt and the shame overcoming him. “I didn’t mean to, please, just, please forget I did that. I’m so sorry,” he pleaded. He hugged himself, trying to will his breathing and heart rates to go down. He started hyperventilating. 

“It’s… okay,” Connor replied in a soft voice. “I thought you were ready for that…” 

Ready for that? 

In his momentary confusion, Evan calmed enough to look back at Connor. “Ready for… what?” Evan asked. 

Connor looked away, dejected. He shrugged. “I just thought you wanted me to.” 

Evan took a few moments to process that. “Wanted you to…? B-but I was the one who. I’m sorry. What are you talking about?” Evan asked, at a loss. 

“I shouldn’t have fucking kissed you, okay?” Connor shouted, still looking away. 

Wait. Connor. Connor kissed Evan? But Evan was the one who… or at least, he thought he must have subconsciously… why would Connor…? “Why?” Evan finally asked. 

“Why?” Connor repeated, turning back to Evan with a glare. “Because you clearly didn’t fucking want me to!” 

“But… I kissed you…” Evan reasoned, starting to doubt the words as he said them out loud. 

“Pretty sure you fucking didn’t since you moved away so quickly,” Connor argued. His voice was a lower volume but he was still clearly heated. Heated, but definitely sounded a bit sad. 

“You… kissed me?” Evan clarified. Without thinking, he took a few steps forward until he was standing right in front of the bed. He slowly turned his body so he could sit down. He kept his eyes locked on Connor, still trying to process this information. 

Connor knitted his eyebrows together. “Yeah, pretty sure we fucking established that. It won’t happen again, okay?” 

Evan swallowed. He was already moving closer and staring at Connor’s lips, the lips that had just been against his. Except apparently Connor had done that. It was Connor who kissed Evan. And Connor thought Evan didn’t want to kiss him because he pulled away. That was far from the truth. 

“What are you—?” Connor started. The question went unfinished and unanswered as his mouth was met with Evan’s. 

When the two pulled apart they were both out of breath. Evan could still hear the voice in his mind screaming that he had just ruined everything and it wasn’t possible Connor really wanted to kiss Evan, but it was overshadowed by the several other voices celebrating and telling him to kiss Connor again. To appease all the voices, Evan placed his hands back in his lap and stared at Connor as he waited for him to say something. 

“I guess you were ready for that,” Connor said, wiping his bottom lip with his thumb. It was probably one of the most attractive things Evan had ever seen Connor do. He smirked at Evan. 

“I, um,” Evan started and paused to swallow. “I didn’t know you… um, felt that way. A-about me. Y-you do feel that way about me, right? I-I mean, I just assumed because y-you kissed me that you—”

“I literally told you I liked you two days ago. Right after you said you liked me,” Connor retorted, looking at Evan like he sprouted a second head. Evan was sure his expression looked similar. 

“Well, of course, but what does that have to do with— oh,” Evan stopped as realization set in. 

“Oh?” Connor repeated. 

“You thought I meant… _Oh_.” Evan’s eyes widened. 

“What does that fucking mean? ‘Oh’?” Connor asked, defensively. 

“Um,” Evan started, glancing down. “I didn’t mean it… like that.”

“What?” Connor asked. Evan saw his body tense. He quickly looked back up at him. 

“I-I didn’t… that night, that’s not what I meant. I didn’t… know I had a crush on you until last night. A-and…” Evan looked down again, feeling self-conscious. “I didn’t think you would… feel the same…”

Evan could hear Connor make short sounds like he was about to say something but kept stopping himself. He finally sighed. “Is that why you’ve been acting so fucking weird today?” he asked. 

“I guess…” Evan responded, looking back at him with a nervous half-smile. 

Connor shut his eyes and shook his head, looking amused but slightly upset. He brought his hand to his head and ran his fingers through his hair slowly. He opened his eyes, looking down at the bed. “Yes, I have a crush on you, too…” Connor began in a soft voice. He shook his head again. “And I can’t believe I have to fucking confess to you again,” he continued with a little harsher edge to his voice. 

Evan felt a little guilty, but even more than that, felt that same warmth and overwhelming feeling bubbling up inside of him like he had a couple days prior when he and Connor apparently first confessed their feelings. Maybe Evan’s subconscious knew what Connor really meant at the time. What Evan really meant. With less hesitation than before, Evan placed his hand on Connor’s, unable to find the words to comfort him and let him know it was alright. 

Connor looked down at their hands at the contact then up at Evan. He seemed a little surprised before he smiled and looked back down. “You realized it last night? I’ve known the whole damn time,” he confessed. He gripped onto Evans' hand. 

Connor knew about Evan’s crush the whole time? Had Evan been that obvious? Or, wait, maybe Connor meant… “Y-you knew a-about me? Or, did you mean that you…?” Evan began, starting to process the alternate meaning as he asked the question. 

Connor let out a short laugh. He sounded nervous and lowered his head. “Yeah, me,” he clarified. “I’ve liked you—” he paused to chuckle, “ _had a crush on you_ since…” He stopped and Evan could sense his discomfort and embarrassment. “Well, longer than last night, anyway.” 

Evan stared at Connor with wide eyes. He had no idea Connor felt that way. For so long. Maybe even the whole time? Puzzle pieces that earlier made no sense to Evan were starting to fall into place. “So, when Jared said I had a crush, you thought…” Evan started. 

Connor scoffed. He brought his other hand to his hair, continuing to avoid looking at Evan. “Yeah,” he said spitefully. 

“I’m… so sorry…” Evan replied in a soft voice. 

Connor was growing more irritated. His hand in Evan’s stopped squeezing his. “You saying sorry sounds like you’re pitying me because you don’t feel the same,” he explained and Evan could hear the growing anger in his voice. 

“No,” Evan said, shaking his head. He sat up so he was on his knees and moved himself closer to Connor. Connor leaned slightly away, continuing to look down. “I-I’m sorry because I… wish I would’ve known sooner. So that you—well, both of us—wouldn’t have to feel that way. Like, feel like the other person would never feel the same.” Evan could feel the nervous ramblings coming and he couldn’t stop them once they’d started. “A-and be worried that you would be obvious and ruin everything. A-and be s-so afraid that you might accidentally kiss them that you avoid looking at them and being near them. Because you want to kiss them so bad. So that when they finally kiss you, you think you must have done it without thinking so you move away and beg for them to forget so that you can still be friends.” 

Evan only stopped because Connor started laughing. It was quiet chuckles at first but eventually was full-on, hearty laughter. He finally looked at Evan with a grin. “So, if I would’ve just kissed you this morning it would’ve solved everything?” he asked. 

Evan felt butterflies in his stomach. He wasn’t sure how he would’ve reacted to Connor kissing him this morning but he’s sure he would’ve been happy about it. Kissing Connor was definitely something he liked doing. “It d-definitely might have helped,” Evan responded, nodding. 

“So, if I want you to stop being nervous, I just have to kiss you?” Connor continued. He leaned back toward Evan and Evan could see that same expression in his eyes as before, the one Evan couldn’t quite understand, but couldn’t deny how it affected his heart rate. 

“Um,” Evan started and his voice cracked. He cleared his throat. “I-it might. Y-you could d-definitely, a-any time y-you want to, that is…” 

Evan didn’t finish his sentence. His mouth was now preoccupied with something else. Someone else. 

The two came downstairs a short while later to have dinner. And only because Evan realized the growing hunger inside of him wasn’t just because of Connor. Evan noticed a note on the counter from his mom with money to order “whatever he wanted.” They decided on pizza, which Evan ordered online. He felt far less nervous about having to do a cash exchange at the door with the delivery man since Connor was with him. In fact, he didn’t feel much of his normal nervousness at all. 

“Maybe we should do homework. While we wait, I mean,” Evan suggested after putting his phone away after completing the pizza order. 

Connor rolled his eyes. “I guess my parents are right to like you so much,” he said sarcastically. 

“Your parents l-like me?” Evan asked. Zoe had somewhat implied that to Evan when they spoke the day prior but this was Connor’s first mention of it. It filled him up with pride. The Murphy’s actually liked Evan. But this time, Evan wasn’t lying for their approval. It was just… Evan that they liked. 

“Yeah,” Connor replied with a scoff. “They actually _want_ me to spend time with you. That’s the only reason they said me coming here was okay.” 

“Oh, wow,” Evan said. “That’s… really cool, wow.” He smiled. 

Connor raised an eyebrow at him. “It’s _cool_ that my parents like you?” 

“I mean, I just… didn’t realize that they did… that they even knew who I was, or anything,” Evan explained. Even after everything that happened before he traveled back in time, being unnoticed and insignificant was Evan’s default setting. Anything aside from that was always a surprise. 

Connor chuckled. “I’ll make sure to tell them how you forced me to do homework with you,” he teased. 

Evan laughed softly in response. They both headed upstairs briefly to grab their school bags before heading back down to work on their schoolwork. They settled on the couch and got out their school supplies. Neither of them had too much to do, thankfully, so it was a good way to spend their time waiting for the pizza delivery. 

When the doorbell rang, Connor stayed by Evan’s side as he took the pizza, handed the delivery man the money, and awaited the change. Connor’s presence acted like a shield, preventing Evan’s anxiety from rising too high. It was the smoothest interaction Evan could ever remember having with a stranger. 

The two headed back to the couch with the pizza and ate it while finishing up with their assignments. Connor glanced at his phone at one point and groaned. 

“What is it?” Evan asked. 

“My mom is telling me I have to come home soon. I guess they don’t like you that much,” Connor said with a slight grin. 

Evan chuckled and looked down at his own phone. It was almost seven. He supposed he understood why Connor’s parents wanted him to go home. 

Connor started laughing, causing Evan to look at him with a confused look. “Remember how my dad thought you broke your arm playing football?” Connor reminisced. 

Evan felt his stomach drop. He couldn’t quite understand why. He had been able to talk about how he broke his arm pretty easily since he came back in time, even if the story he told people wasn’t completely true. He had said it so much he almost believed it. Almost. He instinctively ran his fingers over his cast and stared down at Connor’s name on it. He nodded with a forced, amused hum. 

“You know, for someone who loves trees so much, it’s pretty ironic they’re what caused you to break your arm,” Connor mentioned. 

“Y-yeah, p-pretty funny,” Evan responded. He could feel growing anxiety inside of him. Why was this happening now? 

As if Connor could somehow sense the inner turmoil Evan was feeling, his tone became more serious. “Why is it funny?” Connor asked. 

Evan gripped onto the edge of his shirt and twisted it between his fingers, still looking down. “J-just because, when I... f-fell... no one was there to c-come get me.” Evan laughed but there was no humor to it. He continued to stare down at his cast. “I waited there for a solid ten minutes for someone to come get me. Any second now, I kept saying. Any s-second now, here they come.”

Connor didn’t respond right away. Unlike the time when Evan first told this story to Jared, Evan had started with the punchline. No one came. Connor didn’t have to ask, he already knew. “How did you fall?” he asked instead. 

Evan looked up at Connor with mild surprise. “H-how did I fall?” He repeated. 

“Yeah,” Connor replied. “You, a resident tree expert. How did you manage to fall out of a tree?” 

“W-well I...” Evan began. He looked down again. “I tried to climb this forty foot oak tree... a-and I fell.” 

Connor again was quiet. Evan could feel him studying him, judging his story. Connor could tell it didn’t add up, couldn’t he?

“You fell?” he repeated, questioning. 

Evan felt his body start shivering. He gripped the hem of his shirt until his hand turned into a fist. He nodded, unable to speak. He shut his eyes, feeling tears forming and threatening to come out. 

Connor was quiet. So quiet that Evan could almost imagine that he wasn’t there. He must have left because Evan was too pathetic to have as a friend. That was it. 

Evan felt pressure on his cast. He opened his eyes enough to see Connor’s hand on it. 

“Evan...” he began softly. 

Evan quickly rubbed his eyes and coughed, trying and failing to appear like he had allergies. He looked at Connor. “Wh-what is it?”

“Did you fall or let go?” 

Evan felt his lip quivering. He had heard Connor ask this before but, at the time, it wasn’t Connor. Connor had been dead. Evan had merely imagined Connor asking him this question. He had never told anyone the truth in reality. 

Evan’s throat felt tight. He couldn’t speak. He closed his eyes and lowered his head as one tear silently traveled down his face. 

“You let go, didn’t you?” Connor’s voice was still soft. He didn’t sound angry. He didn’t sound judgmental. He just wanted to know. 

Evan paused before nodding. He sniffled. He was still, aside from his body which continued to quiver. Another tear started its journey down his face. 

Evan felt Connor shift closer to him on the couch. Evan slowly opened his eyes and looked down at Connor’s legs pressed against his. He sniffled again. 

“I would’ve come to get you,” Connor said simply. 

Evan let out a shaky breath. He placed his hand over his mouth to try to quiet his sobs. The tears were now streaming down his face. 

He felt Connor’s place his arm around him, gripping onto his shoulder and pulling him close. Evan continued to shake as he quietly sobbed but he felt comfort in knowing he was there. That his friend was there. And that he wasn’t alone. 

After a few minutes of silence, apart from Evan’s quiet crying, Evan felt himself calming. He felt lighter than he had for a while, as if finally being able to share his truth with someone stopped him from having to carry it around on his own. It was such a heavy truth to carry. 

“I get it,” Connor said in a soft voice once Evan stopped shaking. 

Evan opened his eyes and stared down at Connor’s lap beside him. He could see his hand gripped into a fist on his thigh. “What do you mean?” Evan asked. 

“How you felt. Why you let go,” Connor continued. 

Evan’s eyes widened. Connor was… Evan leaned back so that he could look at Connor properly. Connor slowly brought his arm that was around Evan back to his side. Connor was staring down at his clenched fist. “You… you’ve felt that way…?” Evan pressed cautiously. Connor had always been reluctant to share his feelings, especially, it seemed, his most personal and hard feelings. Evan didn’t want to cause Connor to stop. 

Connor merely nodded. 

“Did you ever try to…?” Evan started, unable or unwilling to finish. Connor had. Connor would have. He did before. That was how this all started. 

After a long pause, Connor nodded again. 

“Connor…” Evan breathed. He hesitantly reached out his hand for Connor’s clenched fist. He saw Connor slide it away just enough for Evan to stop himself. Maybe Connor didn’t want to be touched right now. 

Evan remained silent, waiting for Connor to speak, if he chose to say more. 

“I was actually… planning to, the day we met,” Connor finally said. 

Evan felt like he got punched in the stomach. He could feel the tears threatening to return. But this wasn’t about him. It was about Connor. He willed himself to stay calm so that Connor would keep going. 

“I’m sorry I pushed you, by the way,” Connor added. 

Evan immediately protested. “No, it’s— please, don’t be sorry. It’s fine. I-I sh-shouldn’t have laughed. I was just n-nervous. I’m sorry,” he said, shaking his head. 

As if Evan hadn’t spoken, Connor continued. “I saw you in the computer lab and wanted to try to make things right. Not be the monster everyone thought they knew. It was a test. If I could actually be nice to someone, maybe I wasn’t as bad as everyone thought I was. Maybe I could keep going.”

Evan merely nodded quietly. He could feel tears in the corners of his eyes. 

“And then you…” Connor stopped and laughed briefly, more ironically than from humor. “ _Thanked_ me. You actually fucking thanked me for being a decent human being. Immediately decided that we were friends even. I thought there must be something wrong with you.” 

Evan smiled a bit and nodded again. 

“But I could tell you meant it. I thought, ‘maybe he’s just alone as I am. Maybe we can both actually have a friend,’” Connor said. His fist on his lap finally started to relax. 

Evan watched Connor’s hand. He hesitantly reached out his hand toward it again. Connor didn’t move away. Evan gingerly placed his hand on top of Connor’s and gripped it softly. He looked up at Connor who now wore a sad smile. 

“I wanted to tell you. To... thank you, or whatever that night when you found me on Instagram. But I didn’t want to scare you off. Didn’t want you to realize how fucked up I actually am,” Connor continued. His voice was so soft and fragile, like it might break from the slightest impact. 

“You’re not,” Evan whispered. He wanted to stay silent so that Connor would continue to share his heart, to share what was likely some of his deepest, darkest thoughts, but he couldn’t help but disagree with Connor’s statement. 

Connor exhaled. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I get it. And that… I’m glad it didn’t work. I’m glad you’re alive.”

Evan couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. “I’m glad you’re alive too, Connor. More than you could possibly know,” he urged. 

Connor inhaled sharply and held his breath for a moment. Evan saw a silent tear travel down his cheek. When he exhaled it was shaky. He nodded once and clenched his jaw. 

Evan wrapped his arm around Connor and leaned forward against his chest. He felt Connor’s arm around him too. Evan could feel his shaky breathing as he silently cried. The two held each other in total silence, apart from the occasional sniffle and shaky breath. 

Connor’s phone repeatedly vibrating brought them out of the moment. He groaned and leaned away from Evan’s embrace as he looked at his phone. “Fucking seriously?” he said, irritated. He pressed the end button then opened a text with his mom. He started typing quickly then pressed send and dropped his phone by his side. 

“Do you… have to go home?” Evan questioned, assuming that was the reason Cynthia called. 

“Guess so,” Connor said spitefully. 

“Thank you… f-for telling me. For... everything,” Evan said after a pause. He looked at Connor with a soft smile. 

Connor nodded, not quite looking Evan in the eyes. He grabbed his phone and stood up. He reached down for his messenger bag on the ground and slung it over one shoulder. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Evan questioned, walking with Connor toward the door. 

Connor sighed and nodded again. “Yeah,” he said, sounding almost emotionless. Maybe he was drained from their deep conversation earlier. 

Evan bit his lip and fidgeted slightly as he contemplated what would be an appropriate goodbye gesture. Last time they hugged when Evan was leaving Connor’s house, but that was before Evan knew. Before they had kissed. But Evan wasn’t sure if Connor wanted to do either right now. 

“Well, goodbye, Connor,” Evan said with a smile, deciding on a wave. 

Connor looked at him with a confused expression. “That’s it?” He asked. 

“Um, what?” Evan responded, also confused. 

“That’s how you’re going to say goodbye?” Connor continued, raising an eyebrow. 

Evan blinked a few times and glanced down. “I-I just… wasn’t sure if you, I mean, I didn’t want to do something wrong or—”

Connor leaned forward and kissed Evan for a few seconds before he grinned at him. “Stop being nervous,” he said with a slight smirk. 

Evan swallowed and nodded, breathing a little heavy. “Okay,” he agreed with a smile. 

Connor chuckled. “Bye,” he said as he walked out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of this chapter I wrote really early on and decided this was the best place for it. I really wanted them to have a heart to heart about their shared suicidal thoughts and know how much they both meant to one another. I may have cried a lot writing that scene (okay I definitely did).


End file.
